Table Manners

[PistachioTiramisu]

We were having a drink at a fairly upmarket pub yesterday evening. Two young men - around 20 - came to sit at a table next to us and ordered roast beef and Yorkshire pudding. I watched in fascinated horror as they proceeded to 'devour' their food. They both held their cutlery the wrong way round and like daggers, they attacked the meat over and over with their forks, then tearing it on the plate. Finally, instead of putting food on their forks and bringing fork to mouth, they bent over and shovelled the food into their mouths from the plate. Do people not learn table manners any more? It seems to me that all the niceties of life are being eroded to the lowest common denominator. So sad.

Other than someone eating with their mouth open, which is just gross, I really don’t understand how it is so distressing to people to see people who aren’t compliant with their personal eating etiquette.

Most of it is just cutlery. Use it however you want as long as it does the job!

Two people isn't 'loads'.

I was at a family celebratory dinner and my then 14-year-old nephew was seated beside me. A large platter of vegetables with a serving spoon was put on the table in front of us. Nephew pulled the platter towards him and used his hands to serve himself! His actual hands in the platter of veg. I opened my mouth to say something, but he had a much scarier aunt on his other side who told him in no uncertain terms to use the serving spoon. I didn't fancy the veg after seeing them groped and handled by 14-year-old boy hands.

I disagree- it might be a silly rule to some, but it’s correct etiquette for the knife to be held in the right hand regardless of which is dominant. I have a family of lefties, young and old, who have all managed to master this successfully. Seeing cutlery in the wrong hands in restaurants (outside of injury or disability) just means that either someone wasn’t taught and doesn’t know any better, or that they don’t care that they look like they don’t know any better. I’ve had a lot of formal meals for work over the years and whilst no one cares what you prefer at home these things are noticed in public.

I think all manners have gone out the window. Table manners. Swearing in public. Holding doors open. Wearing appropriate clothing etc. When societal standards slip, due to fear of being accused of 'judgeing' no one can pick and choose which ones are to go, how fast etc.

I doubt if even the most hidebound fogey with a copy of Debrett's shoved up their fundament would think that a left-handed person using their cutlery in the way that suits their dominant hand was someone 'who didn't know any better; or 'didn't care what they looked like' any more than they would think it about someone who wrote with their left hand.

It's unfortunately that your left-handed family members felt they needed to learn something so unnecessary.

How old are you can I ask @beadystar? I’ve been to plenty of formal dinners and I definitely don’t look at what hand people hold their knife in

I can’t say I either care what people think when they see me holding the knife in my left hand or have enough headspace to even notice what hands other people hold their cutlery in
Maybe get a hobby?

Also, right in my eye line were two middle-aged couples (all obese). The woman nearest me ate like a pig. And I mean an actual pig. If she could have had her meal in a trough, I think she'd have preferred it. She smacked her lips together so loudly I wanted to throw something at her. Never again

Obese people are the worst 🙄

Im always a smug git when I clear the table after my daughters have been eating with friends and all the mess is around their friends...
Less so when dining with DP - he's disgusting.

Table manners are important but staring at another table while they were eating was also rude.

I wasn't staring - they were right in my line of sight when I looked at my DH!!

I know I am being unreasonable but I am online dating at the moment and if someone doesn’t hold their knife and fork properly it’s a complete turn off for me.

I would never comment on it (or if it was anyone else for that matter) but yes it’s noted!

Couldn't agree more. Pointed out to a family member that their child was chewing with their mouth open (aged 10) - got told he was a mouth breather.

My least favourite list:
Licking fingers at a dinner table - awful.
Licking a knife - I brace myself for the cut tongue!
Not cutting up food - a whole steak on a fork being bitten off a mouthful at a time!
Chewing with mouth open - including gum in that one!

They have different table manners over there.

I was fascinated by the cutting/forking thing.

It turns out that most countries have different methods of eating.

While I may not find some attractive I can accept them EXCEPT open mouth while eating.

Absolutely bloody grim.

Or food on the face - also bloody grim.

I need to add in my own bugbear concerning table manners & that's people who blow their noses loudly at the table, particularly while your eating🤢 Then proceed to vigorously clean their nose AND look at it. For me that's the meal ruined as it makes me feel so sick. Yes a light dabbing of the nose is ok but not a full on blow. Leave the table & go to the toilet.

Not putting your knife and fork together when you've finished eating doesn't make anyone's life worse

It helps the staff in a restaurant if everyone at the table puts their knives and forks together when they've finished. They can then tell with a quick glance whether everyone has finished eating and they can come and clear the table.

I'm right handed, my husband is left handed (but can do lots of things with his right hand), our kids both write with their right hands, but use cutlery like left handers. Lots of people are more ambidextrous than they think!

I can honestly say I have never noticed or cared which hand somebody is using their knife with, as long as they're using the cutlery properly i.e. using the knife to cut and not shovelling. I've also been to plenty of formal occasions.

Pretty certain my son has undiagnosed dyspraxia. All the same things. He could fall over his own foot stood still. Drops everything. He even calls himself clumsy at 9. Fine motor skills are a challenge so he was a late writer and we had to practice everyday for most of last summer holiday to nail shoe lace tying. A knife for his dinner would take him all evening to eat. He does really try in restaurants but it’s visibly incredibly challenging. Anything with coordination has taken extreme effort - riding a bike for example, pedals and steering all at the same time.

He doesn’t chew like a camel or lean over. However he definitely can drop it off the fork on the way to his mouth!

Generally everywhere there is such a lack of basic manners. My husband's family think good manners starts and ends at please and thank you. No one waits for everyone to be seated and served before they eat, they wear hats indoors, don't push their chairs in when they have left the table, dont offer guests food when get something for themselves, interrupt each other when speaking... the list goes on and on. My husband used to be the same until I taught him some basics, and good job too as he has to dine with clients for a living.

I think manners should definitely be taught in schools, there is usually a reason why etiquette is in place (hygiene and safety being the main ones) it's not something 'old school' and you really can tell a lot about the way someone has been raised.

Agreed - as long as you eat properly, cut your food etc, it’s irrelevant whether you are left or right handed. The motion of cutting with a knife can be done either hand.

This is how Americans eat. Stab food with the fork in your right hand and saw at it with the knife. Revolting!

This is correct actually.

I think it's simply that a lot of people don't eat at a table anymore . It's grab something and eat it in front of the tv alone. Very sad.