I have seriously overstretched with a barbecue and I am panicking.

[Theresip]

I decided to have a barbecue next weekend because I’ve got my garden looking the way I want it and I do enjoy hosting. I’ve been inviting people for the last couple of weeks or so. I thought I’d invited around 10 people but I haven’t. I’ve invited almost 20. I’ve only just counted them up and now I am seriously panicking.

I’m not a particularly good cook, never mind on a barbecue. How on earth can I do 20 burgers and sausages and time it so people aren’t sitting starving? It’s a charcoal barbecue so putting more charcoal on after one batch would mean some people waiting another 40 minutes whilst the coals cook and I cook again?? What can I do?

And also, my garden isn’t tiny, but it’s not particularly big. I have a garden sofa and stools that could fit around six people near the kitchen door, and then on the upper decking I’ve got a high dining table that would seat another six. I do have additional small stools but they’re too little for the high table and it would be very squashed round the other table because it’s right in front of the kitchen where everyone will be getting their drinks.

Any advice gratefully received. I have never hosted for this number.

It is mad how offended you are that I don’t want a random man barbecuing the food.

Re the charcoal. My DP has this thing where you put the coals in a big metal pot with a firefighter and it heats the coals ready to go straight on the barbecue I don’t know if that’s an option for the second coals?

Yes, I’m the same. My parents used to have barbecues a lot and my dad never did the barbecuing.

Fire lighter I meant, lol

You really sit and drink wine and chat as the host whilst letting a guest do the barbecue?

There is a lot of very helpful advice on this thread between the absolutely batshit posts.

Good luck!

Ooo, I’ll look at that! Thank you.

One of the things I do for a bbq is a slow cooker pulled chicken - a bit random but it’s an extra that doesn’t involve using the grill. Make sure you have lots of dips and nibbles handy and if there are kids coming get them fed first - there is nothing worse than hungry children.
Lots of salads and sides to take the pressure off the grill? Some lovely breads, rocket and Parmesan salad, homemade slaw and colourful tomato and basil salad?

I am afraid to say… yes!!

I do all the salads and accompaniments, lay it out and then my brother fires up the bbq and i kick back

I’m just wondering why she’d not have her partner male or not at her bbq. Not wondering if he would cook….

Ah yeah, a brother is indeed different to friends and colleagues.

Thank you.

No children coming so don’t have to worry about those. I think this is what I’ve decided - lots of cold sides and then burgers and hot dogs on the barbecue, and maybe kebabs.

It’s been explained to you already?

Pretty huge marriage red flag tbh. If you're invited to someone's home then you naturally expect their partner to be present. Especially if it's part of a big gathering where multiple hands are needed to ensure everyone gets food and drink. As a wife/husband it also seems like the most obvious thing to meet your partner's work colleagues even if you don't know them that well.

I would find it very strange to be invited to an over-crowded BBQ hosted by the wife only and then find out the husband deliberately left the house because he doesn't know the guests. Gender roles or not, a barbeque is considered a casual, family orientated event by society's standard. Even if the man isn't hogging the grill, you expect him to be there. Missing your own garden warming party because you won't enjoy the conversation is a baffling reason, and all 23 of your guests are going to pick up on that. Especially if you end up stressed or flustered about serving all the food at once, there will be many guests wondering why the husband is not there to help.

Yeah, literally none. And I’ve been to a lot of bbq’s!

There is no way you’ll not need some help, if
you’ve invited 18 and don’t want anyone
else to touch the bbq.
Youll be greeting people coming in, getting drinks, people will want to speak to you, putting out the sides etc. I’m sure you’ll end up with someone offering to help.

Ask a couple of your very good friends to bring a couple of camping chairs for more space.

I mean, if you’d read the OP’s posts you’d know that they’re not married and don’t live together. So no one will be hiding in the house, he will be at his own house.

No, not always!

But, as I say, these are people we're close to and socialise with a lot. We have friends who stay over frequently, we have family who come to us for dinner / we go to theirs for dinner on a regular basis. Some of us know each other's homes pretty well (so we're very at home in either place) and, even if we don't, we're very close, so everyone just mucks in.

I appreciate that. My comment was purely an observation ☺️

Ah fair enough! But still very odd and doesn't necessarily bode well for the relationship. Something like this would be an obvious opportunity to introduce a new partner to old friends and colleagues instead of describing it as "I don't want him there and he doesn't want to be there". It sounds almost as if OP is ashamed of having the partner around. And he seems happy to let her wine and dine 20 people without offering to help?

Hahahaha! And you definitely don't want to piss off a bunch of women who are pouring their energy into perfecting meat.

Some couples socialise with their friends without their partners. It’s fairly normal!

Ah the generalised argument ignoring all context. Obviously couples are free to socialise alone. But you have to admit there are many bizarre details of this specific situation that don't fit in with societal norms and expectations.

People are still insisting she invite a partner and make a man cook the food 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Mumsnet is so funny sometimes

Fuck me. How is this 2026?

I am no one’s wife and my DP will be at home in his own house. Or perhaps even out with his friends.