I have seriously overstretched with a barbecue and I am panicking.

[Theresip]

I decided to have a barbecue next weekend because I’ve got my garden looking the way I want it and I do enjoy hosting. I’ve been inviting people for the last couple of weeks or so. I thought I’d invited around 10 people but I haven’t. I’ve invited almost 20. I’ve only just counted them up and now I am seriously panicking.

I’m not a particularly good cook, never mind on a barbecue. How on earth can I do 20 burgers and sausages and time it so people aren’t sitting starving? It’s a charcoal barbecue so putting more charcoal on after one batch would mean some people waiting another 40 minutes whilst the coals cook and I cook again?? What can I do?

And also, my garden isn’t tiny, but it’s not particularly big. I have a garden sofa and stools that could fit around six people near the kitchen door, and then on the upper decking I’ve got a high dining table that would seat another six. I do have additional small stools but they’re too little for the high table and it would be very squashed round the other table because it’s right in front of the kitchen where everyone will be getting their drinks.

Any advice gratefully received. I have never hosted for this number.

And what does a man taking over the barbecue help with, in relation to the OP?

It’s just an extra pair of hands. You said you weren’t a good cook, never mind on a bbq, and for (now) 23 people. A previous poster showed you that sales research seems to indicate that some men seem to like barbecuing. It’s not that deep. Anyway, good luck with your hotdogs 👍

There is still only one barbecue, whoever is cooking on it.

Great post

Is that a genuine question?

Basically, if you have a lot of things to do, it's made easier with help.

Ergo, if someone helps with the BBQ, it frees you up to get on with the myriad of other things that will need doing.

Drinks don't pour themselves, rubbish doesn't miraculously jump into the bin, the front door can't open on its own, a broken glass won't disintegrate, cling film over salads magically vanishing isn't a thing, mops and kitchen towel will not find their own way to spillages...

There's a lot to do besides just chucking a few sausages and burgers on the BBQ - that's the easy bit (also why it's so funny that so many men gather around to assist).

Christ! I'm beginning to think maybe you are right to panic about how the hell you're going to manage catering for 23 people when the simple concept that more hands makes lighter work is so alien to you 🤦🏼‍♀️

This was not my issue. My issue was how to cook enough food on one barbecue that it doesn’t cool down and need new charcoal, and the delay it causes whilst it fires and cools down. I was worried that half of the guests will have to wait an extra 40 minutes for food.

The answer to this is apparently to get a man to plan and cook it. Again, how does a man on the barbecue remotely help?

🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

As I suggested in one of my earlier posts - have stations around the place to spread people out then they'll come in drips and drabs to the BBQ. I also proposed that you buy disposable BBQs so you can either have them set up next to yours or place them on yours, if you lose the charcoal.

Having anyone to help with anything is, quite simply, helpful.

And, if you're that concerned, you can get a big dick player to handle the sausage on the BBQ while you chuck some meat in the oven.

It's as though you want to be offended / obtuse / difficult.

I have no idea why you’re getting upset. A lot of the advice has been very helpful, as I have said multiple times.

The advice to get a man to do the barbecue is not helpful. Hope that’s clear.

Upset, no.

Baffled, yes.

You've asked for help. People have given it. But you've then been shitty in response to some of those people who were simply trying to reassure you.

I never advised you to get a man to do the BBQ. Most of the posts did not instruct you to do that, either. Lots of people commented that, in their experience, men gravitate towards the BBQ and so that may well happen at your BBQ which would free you up to deal with literally everything else (including cooking meat in the kitchen, if you're worried the BBQ you have is inadequate for the task).

It doesn't have to happen. It doesn't need a man to BBQ (christ on a bike, it's not hard). Women can BBQ.

You seem to take some people's observations as a reflection of their being sexist / misogynistic, when there is no relationship between the two.

Exactly. Unless OP has a bbq the size of the Titanic (in her rather small garden) she is going to struggle to cook meat/burgers/sausages for 20+ people and will be doing nothing else but standing by the bbq cooking for several hours.

Many posters have said men always take over/gather about the bbq, so don't worry. This has been interpreted as "just get a man to do it for you" - which is not what anyone has said that I have seen. We have been informed the OP has not invited any "Alpha males"/cavemen/those types to do that to her party... And how very dare anyone suggest.... Ohhhhkay.

You seem quite upset to me.

At least you’ve finally cracked the OP’s issue.

This poster doesn’t seem in the least bit “upset”.

A recurring theme has you been calling posters upset or angry when they don’t seem the least bit of either.

All this. The non cooking bits of BBQs are full on for the host. Every bbq I have hosted or been to…. Especially big ones like this one… it’s been all hands on deck for at least 2 or 3 people

Just cook in batches and then put the batches in the oven at a low heat around 100 to keep hot and only served people when you have done enough for everyone. At that heat you don't need to keep an eye on the oven you can just concentrate on the BBQ.

Well, in my opinion she seems over invested and upset.

i didn’t ask for help with any of this. Guests will pour their own drinks and put their own rubbish in the bin because they are functioning adults.

Any advice gratefully received. I have never hosted for this number.

On my problem, obviously.

Wow, I've been quietly reading this thread over the last few days and can't believe how 'upset' some people, especially OP, seem to have become over the suggestion that a man might help! There is nothing sexist, misogynistic etc in most posts, just realistic comments/helpful info about what often makes bbqs easier.

We've held loads of bbqs, ranging from a few to 60+ guests in our garden. My DH doesn't actually enjoy bbqing so he usually does drinks etc whilst I start the bbq. However, within a few minutes, son-in- laws, brother, friend etc will all offer to keep an eye on the bbq whilst I pre-cook chicken, part airfry sausages, get salads from fridge etc etc etc. It could just as easily be women offering to help, and they usually do - help put things out, make salad etc rather than bbq. That's just the way it often happens, so posters are giving you the benefit of their experience. On the other hand, I've recently offered to take over from a man at a bbq so he could go and socialise a bit. Nobody threw up their hands in horror! BBQs are normally very informal with all hands on deck.

How does posters advising you to get help solve your issue of having enough food ready, reheating coals etc? Well, the more help you get, the more you can pre-cook, ensure BBQ stays hot, move things to the oven more quickly whilst cooking a new batch etc.

I hope your bbq goes well OP - other than a few weird posters, it seems most are trying to be helpful and you'll probably realise this whilst it's taking place - accept any offers of help and if none of your colleagues do offer (male or female) they are very unusual people.

You need to perhaps reread the thread.

If a man was cooking dinner for friends, woukd you all suggest he need not worry, there will be plenty of women who will step in and do it for him? It's so bizarre to suggest a man will come to the rescue because it's a bbq.

My suggestion would be to have a buffet set up in your kitchen with pizzas ,quiches and salads as not everyone likes BBQ food. The people would have more space and won't be waiting for food being ready. You could ask if anyone attending also owns a BBQ and could you borrow it. If they do that could mean they use it often and could help cook things. An alternative is book someone who caters for hog roasts as they would bring the hog and equipment with them. I am never sure how long BBQ food has been cooking for which is why I would favour different food.

My current life wish is I could come to this bbq, with no male, a frankfurter and a piece of coal.