Would you have offered your seat?

[Poppystone]

It was one of those airport buses back from the plane to the terminal. Usually a very short but often rocky ride, where you seem to get thrown round corners. Never enough seats and more than half of passengers will be standing.

I was one of the first passengers off the plane so walked the length of the bus and sat, more to be out of the way than to grab a seat.

As more passengers joined a woman got on with two very young children. Too small to reach anything to hold onto. I could see what would happen when the bus started moving, so got up so the children could sit. When mum asked them to share the seat I'd vacated the man next to me also got up.

I'm a woman approaching sixty. I'm perfectly capable of standing, but in a traditional hierarchy of those who "should" give up their seat, there were lots before me and several nearer to the family in need.

Would you have stood? Why didn't anyone else?

No one should stand.

There should be enough seats for everyone. Especially if it’s a rocky ride and there’s nothing to hold onto.

If I'd have noticed them I would have offered my seat.

I expect the people that didn't either felt they had a greater need (remember that not all disabilities are visible) or just didn't notice them/have the foresight to see what would happen. Most people, if asked, would give up their seat ime.

People are in their own worlds and many don't seem to be good at anticipating needs, particularly if they themselves haven't experienced them (eg wrangling kids).

Tbh I would put a woman in her 50s as being perfectly ok to stand - on a par with all others under pension age or so - so wouldn't say anyone would be before you. If people are at the front they assume the back might have seats imo (without bothering to check).

I would have offered my seat.

For someone apparently disabled/elderly/infirm yes. For a child no.

I would have offered my seat.

I’d have offered to stand too and think the man next to you got up as didn’t want to be next to two children.

Many people don’t offer. I’ve also been the mum with the small children who have got up and offered to someone older who was struggling on a train journey that was rammed to seat in my seat. In the end a younger person got up and offered them their seat so I could stay with my children. I don’t think they’d realised tbh but also there were others that had seen and No one else was offering.

Sometimes you just have to lead by example.

I’d rather children were seated appropriately than standing and risk being projected through bus or train in an accident or even harsh breaking.

I might have offered if I’d noticed.

I’d have offered, the man next to you was probably shamed into offering when you did!

However, no hierarchy, and certainly not in your 50s (as I am). If you consider someone would be more in need of the seat, it’s polite to offer it. Sadly not all people are polite!

I would if I wasn’t disabled.

DS1 was on a ski trip with his army mates a few years back. He was on the bus, going up the mountain. A family with young children were standing, but they little ones weren’t safe so DS1 and his friend got up and offered their seat. The parents sat down leaving the children swaying away, hanging on for dear life, as the bus went round the mountain pass.

If I were you, op, I would have offered my seat to the mother with the children too young to steady themselves.
If you are a person who is perfectly able to stand for a relatively short time and be able to hang on to something, then yes.
If I were the mother and the children not too heavy I would have kept one on my knee so as not to inconvenience another passenger. Unfortunately today the hierarchy hasn't been instilled in a lot of young able-bodied people, and I often see youths sitting comfortably while an elderly person has had to stand.

To the PP who said nobody should have to stand, those buses have to transport a planeload of people back to the terminal building as quickly as possible. If everyone had to sit down there would be far far more buses moving around the airside area (the “apron”) than is safe. It would make turnaround times much slower, reduce slot availability and increase ticket prices.

To answer your question OP, it’s astonishing how many people exist in their own little worlds and pay no attention to those around them. Worse with everyone catching up on their phones after a long flight. I would have done as you did but my husband probably would not even have noticed. (I love him and he is a good person but he is terrible for not seeing beyond his own nose).

No. I have a hidden disability so wouldn't be able to. As it's hidden you wouldn't know by looking at me so you'd judge me for being ignorant no doubt.

If I was able if likely offer though.

I seldom take a seat, as I prefer to leave them for those who need them. but if I do, I always offer if I see someone in need. I don’t really sit and think about who else should have offered, I find that odd, to be honest. Sounds like you’re a little resentful with your whole made up hierarchy thing.

if I wish to offer as I think it’s thr right thing to do, I do. I don’t really care about anyone else.

Nope I wouldn’t have.

I'm 52 and I have arthritis and damaged discs in my spine. I would not have stood, because being jerked around can put me in hospital.

Me too.
Albeit I have double knee replacements & dodgy painful hips, yes, I would have helped & given my seat.
I’ve done it on crowded local buses, so why not elsewhere?

Amazing. Some posters still find a way to decide a man must be being an arse. He only stood up to avoid the kids or because he was shamed into it.

ffs

It’s one of those situations where we should all do what we can but try not to judge others because we have no idea of their situations. I’m mid 40’s and 90% of the time will offer my seat to anyone who seems to need it (yes, that includes children). But I have a health condition that when it flares up, means I can walk very short distances and am very unsteady on my feet; you would have no idea of this looking at me.

I try to make eye contact with the person I am giving my seat to, and I don’t vacate until I can give it to them.

I am well postmenopausal, in decent shape but no athlete. Before I took these measures too often the seat would be taken by someone younger and much fitter looking than me ahead of the intended recipient.

I have a spinal cord injury which isn’t always ‘visible’ but could be catastrophic if I was to fall/stumble. I was sat in a priority seat on the tube with my 2 year old on my lap yesterday and was asked to move by an older lady (I’m 36 and appear ‘well’ when seated). I said no sorry I need this seat and she went ballistic saying it wasn’t for children and she wasn’t stable enough to stand on the tube. I said I don’t need to explain why I’m in this seat to you, but was upset and shaken afterwards. I hate the seat ‘hierarchy’.

Why did you not just say you had a spinal cord injury? Or even just “a disability”. No need to manufacture drama.

As a mid 50’s female I have offered my seat to people who need it. I am capable of standing and therefore would do so if needed. I would not expect anyone else to offer ahead of me based on their gender or age mainly because they may not do so or even noticed it was a need.

I'm as capable of standing as a 20 year old- I'm 60. I find it deeply patronising to be seen as infirm just because of my age. The amount of posters on here who refer to people in their 60's as 'elderly' really shocks me.

Obviously it's totally different if you have health conditions that impact your ability or comfort to stand.