Would you have offered your seat?

[Poppystone]

It was one of those airport buses back from the plane to the terminal. Usually a very short but often rocky ride, where you seem to get thrown round corners. Never enough seats and more than half of passengers will be standing.

I was one of the first passengers off the plane so walked the length of the bus and sat, more to be out of the way than to grab a seat.

As more passengers joined a woman got on with two very young children. Too small to reach anything to hold onto. I could see what would happen when the bus started moving, so got up so the children could sit. When mum asked them to share the seat I'd vacated the man next to me also got up.

I'm a woman approaching sixty. I'm perfectly capable of standing, but in a traditional hierarchy of those who "should" give up their seat, there were lots before me and several nearer to the family in need.

Would you have stood? Why didn't anyone else?

I always appreciate people offering a seat to my small child, he is much more likely to fall than an older child or adult

I am 65., fit and healthy. So yes, I would offer my seat to someone who needed it, and I agree that small children qualify as that.

I don’t think there’s a hierarchy as such, but I would probably notice someone older, obviously infirm, or pregnant and that would jolt me into offer8ng.

Yes.

Anyone who is capable of standing should stand. Age etc doesn’t play into it.

Was on a busy train quite long journey.. Young mum got on with tiny baby strapped to chest and big pull along made her way awkwardly down packed carriage. Carriage full of able bodied men all ages Not one responded. Gave her my seat and stacked her case for her - I remember those days. Am able bodied 50 something. It’s usually women of my age that help in reality. Same with have a go hero’s mostly older women now. We are on our own.

I usually just stand, it’s a short if bumpy ride, and let others sit. If I had a seat, I wouldn’t stand for children generally, no, they should be fine. Someone struggling/older, etc probably yes.

How old were they? If 5+ people may have assumed they would enjoy the excitement of standing up. I remember finding it a fun novelty as a kid.

Lots of women find that birth injuries or back/pelvic problems from pregnancy, come up again in middle age. Continence issues too. Probably why we have the cultural inheritance of allowing women to sit first.

Why should I explain myself to someone who started shouting at me as soon as I said ‘sorry but I really do need this seat’. I don’t need to engage with anybody thanks, it wasn’t me ‘manufacturing drama’ ffs 😂.

I give up my seat for young children btw. They’d get squashed if an adult fell on them.

I think it’s more than reasonable if you appear visibly healthy to say “oh I’m sorry I have X so can’t stand”

Yes I’d have stood up (am around the same age as you and not carrying any physical disabilities). I no longer care that noone else stands up. So long as I have done the right thing and put the needs of a child/elderly or vulnerable person before my own, I am happy enough. my expectations of others aren’t especially high these days, though.

I hope that by modelling that behaviour the children in your situation will grow up to be courteous and considerate, and that other passengers who observed you will reflect and offer a seat next time. It’s the best we can hope for.

I would stand up for young children if I feel ok on the day (occasionally I have hip problem) DH never sits in these buses.

I'm from London where there was always a massive shortage of seats on the tube, and I ALWAYS got up for pregnant women and elderly people. Also anyone on crutches, etc. Even if someone looked exhausted I would get up. I was always scanning around for anyone I could potentially help out. It's just how I was raised.

The only time I was told to fuck off was when I offered my seat to an elderly woman. 😂

I was on a full bus to work in Fulham once. A woman got on with two perfectly healthy kids (trust me, if they weren't she would have told us). They were about 11, 12. Maybe older. She literally walked around the bus screaming at everyone to get up for her angels. Even the kids were telling her to be quiet. A young woman eventually got up, but told the mother what she thought of her. The mother then proceeded to make a very loud call, telling the other person what c-words we all were.

The entitlement was off the charts. They simply didn't need seats, they were well and healthy. I on the other hand had had an asthma attack the day before and no way was I getting up for healthy kids.

It would depend on the day. I've had 1 knee replacement and am waiting for the other to be done. If I wasn't in pain then I would stand, if it's a bad day no, I'd have kept my seat and put up with being judged because I look healthy and am in my early 50s but standing on a bumpy bus can really cause a lot of pain that'll last a few days.

As a mother with young children- it’s of course usually a different experience flying with them - versus alone- and often pretty exhausting, so I would very much appreciate your offer!

I have noticed in these situations people are so keen to turn their phones on they just get lost in a phone hole and stop noticing people around them and their needs. It’s a shame. But these little actions can make a big difference.

I am fairly young (39 - eek) without health issues so yes, I absolutely would have offered my seat and do. My DH is really good at offering seats quickly to older people or those with kids. You did the right thing OP.

I would offer my seat. I personally feel it's the decent thing to do.

Because the person is used to healthy people taking seats and is not a mind reader.

In that case you’d need to have booked special assistance with the airline because those buses have very few seats so there is a high chance that they’d all be taken by other people who are unable to stand and you’d need the airline to intervene for you or provide separate transport.

If I sit in a priority seat or somewhere there aren't many seats, I have a look to see if anyone needs a seat more than me.

On the Tube the other day after work though, I looked round and noticed DH and I were the oldest by ten years probably at 55/50. Not that age is the only qualifier but it was a change to be in that position.

I never sit on those buses. I’m the annoying person stood at the door ready to run to passport control and get there first. 😂

Some people don't offer because they have their own, often invisible, issues going on. Sometimes they're oblivious, sometimes selfish. I'm 62 and this time last year I wouldn't have offered because I was awaiting a knee replacement. Today, seeing a woman with two young children who are unable to reach to hold on, yes I'd offer. If another passenger had got up too, and I was the mother, I would have quickly told them to keep their seat as the children could share.