Please tell me of the joys of just having one daughter (TW secondary infertility)

[Stilettosandbrokenb0ttles]

Have just accepted that baby #2 isnt on the cards for us, but fortunatley we have a lovely almost 5 year old daughter.

I do keep feeling a bit sad that she wont ever be a big sister though.

Can people with one daughter please tell me loads of reasons why having one daughter is great? Need some things to make me smile!

The subliminal message you are sending out is that your daughter doesn’t make you happy / isn’t enough for you / leaves you sad etc. Hopefully that’s not the case.

It is my dream scenario if DH and I go down the baby route. I would absolutely love to have just one child and for that child to be a girl. So just think, you have my (and many people’s) ideal family set up.

Oh no she is the absolute best. My world. I just always assumed she would have a brother or sister and its an odd feeling coming to terms that she/we wont. I am so so grateful for what I have already.

Friends of ours have one daughter who is now mid twenties. She was a good friend of our daughter who is one of four. My dd was often invited out with her friend and got many many fun days out that I wasn’t always able to do having had more children.
They had foreign holidays (minimal once sometimes more)every year. They could afford for her to do multiple hobbies (both in time and money) and she had a full and fun life. She was close to both parents and her grandparents and had some cousins too. She was always a very confident girl and grew up to enjoy travel and worked on a voluntary basis abroad as a teen and is now in paid employment abroad after completing a degree.
I know they would have liked another child but I know they had a fab relationship with their daughter and really appreciated being parents and it showed.

We have 1, a daughter (15). She lives her best life. Sees her friends with their siblings and realises she is lucky that everything is hers. no need to share. Meals out, holidays, evenings out are all more affordable with just her. No arguments, things missing. She loves the single life

I have one girl! Honestly it’s the best. She’s really social so we do loads of fun play dates with other lovely girls and boys but then wave them off at the end of the day and she loves having chill time with us. We can afford the time and money so she can follow her interests, she doesn’t have to battle other kids for our attention or control of the TV. We can afford multiple holidays a year. She had lots of cousins who she loves to visit and stay with and who love to come and see her. She’s easy, gentle, funny and sweet. I personally love it because I have the bandwidth to follow my career and downtime for my own interests. In many ways I’d love more children but more fundamentally I feel extremely happy and content in our life as a family of 3.

Mum of one adult daughter, and only child myself too. My mum always told me she could spoil me with time ( we didn't have loads of money) and I think that sums it up. They can be your sole focus always.

People on Mumsnet often get prickly about only children so I will preface this by saying I'm sure all of what I'm about to say can apply to families with more than one child (I was one of four)!

DD is 22 and we've had such a lovely time raising her. She's always been equally close to DH and me. We've had so much fun together. Going on holiday, supporting her when she had sports training and competitions, theatre trips, museums, city breaks, cinema, clothes and make up shopping. The last was mainly with me!

We've always spent Christmas Day just the three of us and had the best time. You don't need a crowd to have fun. Having said that, we've always enjoyed having her friends over from nursery, primary school, college and university. Happy to pick them up in town after a night out.

She worked abroad for a year after graduation and we visited her together and separately and really enjoyed some one to one time with our gorgeous girl.

She's moved back home whilst she gets started on her career and saving for a home of her own. She's been with her boyfriend since sixth form and slots in well with his family and siblings.

She is the best daughter. DH and I were fine when she went to uni/worked abroad as we'd always ensured we did things apart from her so our lives didn't completely revolve around her and she feel responsible for our happiness.

No it isn’t!

I have one daughter, now mid twenties. I am also an only child and her dad has a sibling but they haven’t had contact for many years. I was 40 when she was born (IVF) and we have a lovely relationship and despite me wanting more children now I wouldn’t have it any other way, we speak everyday, she jumps at the chance of going on holiday with us, she is just as close to her dad and is outgoing, charming and sociable.
We always made sure our home was the one her friends wanted to come to so there was always loads of company for her.
She now lives in London over 200 miles away so we haven’t clipped her wings in any way! I say give your daughter roots and wings and look forward to a rewarding relationship with her. Xx

One daughter is infinitely better than no child at all, which is our fate due to male infertility.

Sometimes, accepting your lot in life is easier when you have less than you'd like but more than others.

I honestly think just having one daughter is so chic! And as an only daughter (my dad just had me!) I think it’s the best. My stepmum (don’t see my real mum) has been in my life since I was a little girl and we’re so close. I’d hate sharing her with somebody else. I go on holiday with her, I see her everyday, she’s genuinely one of my best pals.

The women and girls I know who are only children are almost universally confident, capable and very sociable people. One was a quiet, school-refuser abut she also blossomed since leaving school. I think having time, money and focus from both parents is hugely beneficial.

Ahh thank you all so much. I feel bad that I've even started this thread because my DD is so fab.

I've got one daughter, I only ever wanted one daughter. She's great company, we can do all the days out and trips because I can afford it as there's only her, she's happy and confident and she's got lots of lovely friends and cousins.
She goes to clubs and has friends there. I don't feel she misses out on anything.

There's only ever been me and her (her father left whilst I was pregnant and has never seen her) so she gets all my time. She's a fabulous little human. I wouldn't want it any other way.

I do keep feeling a bit sad that she wont ever be a big sister though

No but she can form some wonderful, close friendships that are just as good. Or better - my sister is very high maintenence!

You can choose your friends, you’re stuck with your relatives!

I was an only child and my daughter is only one too. She's 14 now.
It's brilliant because you are not torn between trying to look after 2 little humans. You meet their needs and then you are free to meet your own. Holidays and days out can be planned to please them and you, you don't have to worry about catering to different ages.
There's more money to go around.
One set of mealtime preferences to cater to.
You have a close relationship.
No squabbling between siblings.
People are happy to babysit - one is a lot easier than two if you need to leave them with someone.
She's the centre of the world for me, her dad and my parents. I don't think she's spoilt as she's very undemanding but her self esteem is high. Having that level of support gives her a lot of advantages.
We are a very happy family unit and she's a happy girl.

I'm an only daughter. I was never lonely. I grew up happy in my own company. But my dm also made lots of effort to include my friends in everything if I wanted them to. I was always having friends over for sleepovers, would take a friend on holiday with us. In some cases it was much better as activities and holidays were always geared towards my age and not someone younger or older.

My dm has 2 siblings. There has always been friction between them and there have been long periods if them not talking throughout their lives. So their is no guarantee that even if you do have another they will get on and be their for each other.

I am an only and I have an adult only dd.

it’s fabulous. I never wanted another child. I can’t understand why anyone wants more than one.

disadvantages- none
advantages - to many to list.

We are very close.

This is the most ludicrous comment and clearly from someone who has zero knowledge or experience of infertility. OP, do not justify yourself - such an ignorant statement.

I have a lot of experience with infertility, personally as well as professionally, and a common thought is that secondary infertility can be just as difficult to manage, if not more than if you hadn’t yet had a child. The reason is you’re so desperate to give your beloved child a sibling so there’s that added pressure, alongside your own longing.

OP, the BBC published a study in 2023 that found that mothers of just one child had overall higher happiness levels than those with multiple/ none. You can devote your all to your child, still maintain a sense of self and give them the best of everything. She will be rich with love and attention - I know so many only children and not one of them is selfish or spoiled. They’re all so intelligent, loved and secure.

She’s lucky to have you

I feel the same. I am one of three and my daughter is only 4 at the moment. But there is not one part of me that has any desire for another. She gets us to herself and we don’t have to spread ourselves thinly trying to look after more than one! We are so blessed with the perfect triangle dynamic.

You aren’t alone it what you feel. Exact same position with age of daughter and I’m 43 in a week and am accepting it’s just not going to happen. Don’t feel bad at all that you posted this. Your feelings are absolutely valid and it’s ok to mourn the picture you had for your family, I always will a bit too I think. This is a lovely thread and I’m going to keep it in my back pocket to look when wavering as I do try and be so positive the most of the time about how lucky I am I think it’s only natural that there will always be a twinge of sadness that pops up here and there and that’s ok and normal.

Subliminal message?!? 😆