If your nc with family member, how have you found it, had it been overall a good choice for you ?

[NewLeafNewStart]

Been nc with in-laws for 8 years now due to their abusive behaviour
and wish I took that stand years sooner
been a very positive thing for us

I’m incredibly sad that I don’t have a relationship with my dad and sister, but I didn’t realise the stress I was under until I was out of it. I let them go with love. I wish only good things for them even knowing they hate me with a passion. So overall my life is better for not having contact.

NC with a close relative. the best thing I ever did for my own mental health. I wish things could have been different but I am totally happy with the way things are.

Yes - NC with my SIL and BIL, and it's brilliant.

@outofideas2 Similar to me.

I constantly ruminate about what I could have done to preserve and maintain a relationship with my sister. It was never a 'great' relationship but it had it's good periods.

I'm just sad that we don't have that bond. I chased it all my life which meant that I put up with stuff that I shouldn't have, until I didn't.

It's our kids that suffer too, and my mum, trying to manage us both. Over all, I could be civil and have an arms length cordial relationship for the benefit of our families but she can't manage that so here we are.

Not positive. It's been almost 4 years. Harder to deal with at the start but I'm reconciled to this being it now.

I’m nc with my sister. I didn’t realise how much strain she was putting on my mental health until I got a break from her constant drama. I was very close to her. I basically bought her up like my own daughter as our parents had addiction issues. She lived with me for years. She was my best friend. But she just totally went off the rails when her marriage broke down and as much as I tried to help and guide her, she just chose chaos everytime. It culminated in her telling some lies about me to cover her own arse and I took some time out to recover from that. And just didn’t try and get in touch again. I’m quite shocked that she didn’t try and make amends but I’m better off not having to deal with her chaotic life.

it’s been calming x

I’d not wish it on anyone.I’m NC with my siblings who also stop me from seeing my parents, they did this to me.

It’s awful and will never be fixed. I now have boundaries in place and protect myself as the hurt I have had to go through I never want to have to cope with again.

I have good days where I’m at peace with it then I have bad days like today where I just want to see all of them and give them a cuddle and instead I curl up in a ball and cry all day. It’s heartbreaking and I’m still grieving for all the people I loved that I no longer see. I was brought up that family is everything and only ever really saw family at the weekend and so on so how it got to this in my 50s I really don’t know.

Yes. Without question.

Been NC with my sister and mother for 7 years after one of my dc heard and recorded her planning to accuse me of something terrible to get my dc removed from my care (she didn’t realise they were at my mothers home in another room when she was telling her what she planned to do) I released that if I never saw any of them then I couldn’t be accused of harming anyone.

It was a shock but I immediately knew that was it and it wasn’t the huge loss I thought it would be as the threat was so high and my dc are more important.

im not now as the people I had gone non contact with have left the family (divorce).
But I am low contact with a lot of my in laws. Basically avoid them as much as I can and communicate via my husband or a group WhatsApp message.

We feel a lot of sadness for DNs as they miss out on family stuff for something that they know nothing about.

More or less nc with in-laws other than my PILs who I only see for DH's sake. They are ok on their own, but if any more of them are there, they all turn into playground bullies.

They are not bad people....except to me! It is quite bonkers, but basically one sil took an instant dislike to me when we met (we were both really young as dh and I met young) and has rallied her attack dogs against me ever since, so I refuse to be around them. I tried for a solid 15 years before finally saying 'no more'.

They are fine to dh and dcs, so they have a relationship with them which I am actually really happy about. Especially sils' kids who obviously have done nothing wrong; they should be able to see their cousins (my kids) and my kids should be able to see their cousins (sils' kids) and they do.

They don't hang out every week but they meet up every couple of months, (we don't live in the same area - actually one sil lives abroad so that one meets up even less frequently).

I even wish them all well, but I will not be around them. My kids have asked why I don't go along to family events as they are older now and notice it. I have explained it in a kid friendly way without being nasty about the in-laws. I also want my kids to know that they do not have to tolerate bad treatment by anyone and that they should never become hateful, but that can also remove themselves from situation where people are going out of their way to be unkind.

All in all, it is one of the best things I ever did. I have seen friends and colleagues running round after their older in-laws and getting abuse from everyone in return. The plus side of having no relationship with mine is that I will never have to do this. It used to make me sad, as I lost my mum quite young, but now I just see the upside. When I do see PILs I am always polite and look after them, but will not tolerate it if they ever start making passive aggressive comments to me. I stop them politely and also let dh know, (as they usually do it when he is not around of course).

Never looked back, it was definitely for the best and in hindsight l should have done it sooner. Their constant negativity, bad manners, poor behaviour and selfishness were too much. Other family members are unhappy with my decision -partly because they want to moan about that family member to me and “it makes things awkward”. Problem is l found their terrible behaviour “awkward”

Yes, but I barely think about it these days. It’s like the person no longer exists rather than I’m actively keeping them out of my life, if that makes sense?

Yeah. The peace is incredible.

I grieved the relationship we never had after my sister suddenly cut me off. I'd wanted to go no contact for years but my mother (who I am very close to) asked me to do the bare minimum. I'm sad for my kids and their cousins but she never let close friendships develop so again it's grief for how it could have been.

I'm nc with my whole family

My mother is a narc,my father enables her and my brothers are a mix of the golden children/invisible children-one brother is the golden child and the other two chop and change depending on the wind (I was the scapegoat-everything was my fault)

They have slung some serious mud at me and I ignore it all,which in turn winds them up more,so they try to sling even more mud,I ignore so they ramp it up while winding themselves up over the fact I don't care-they have no power and they know it

I moved away a long time ago but that's not stopped them-they ramped it up-it's just them shouting into the breeze as far as I'm concerned

One brother did try and change tactics by getting my adult dd to tell me he really misses me and wants me back in his life (his wife would go mental if this happened-ive never met her but she's drank the kool-aid and hates me based on what shes been told about me)

Not a chance-he doesn't miss me,he just wants to try and suck me back into their cult and to go back to be the whipping boy (proved by his reaction when I said 'no')

I have zero regrets-ive lost a lot of people that they poisoned against me but I have genuine people around me and am loved for being myself

I'll never go back

Am nc with my brother. He lied to me and stole from me. I feel better not having him in my life but still miss the relationship we could have had

I am N/C with my parents 3rd son. It has been around 23 years since I last saw him. I hate him, real deep hatred. I will never forgive him for what he has done.

I‘m NC with my BIL and SIL. My BIL (who I’d always been close to) turned on me when 1) I wasn’t able to commit to the weekly caring duties he wanted the women in the family to do (because I was heavily pregnant, suffering from pregnancy related conditions, had a toddler to care for, and was also working 50 hour weeks) and 2) to punish my dh- BIL became resentful towards his brother, my dh, and took this resentment out on me just to hurt my dh. My SIL (his wife) then started following suit.

I put up with 9 years of increasingly hostile and bullying behaviour directed at me and in the end I broke and realised I couldn’t do it anymore. I’ve been NC for 15 months so far and it’s amazing how happy and light I feel now.

The only downside is that the rest of dh’s family, whilst initially supportive of my decision to go NC, are now starting to get frustrated that I’m not backing down and refusing to just “tolerate” being in the same room as them at family get togethers. They keep saying “you don’t need to sit with them or talk to them. Just ignore them and they’ll ignore you and then at least we can all be together still”. My point is that I don’t want to be around them at all because they make me feel so unwelcome, uncomfortable and anxious, and more importantly, it was the being ignored by them that hugely added to how anxious I was feeling in their company and contributed to deciding to go NC. I do feel very sorry for their 4 yo dd, as her world is very small now due to them both falling out with all their friends and most family, and I encourage my dh to take our dc to see her, but he hasn’t made much effort to do this and neither has my BIL so 🤷‍♀️. I don’t wish either of them any harm, but life is nicer without them in it.

But that aside, being NC with them is nothing but a relief.

If our NC arrangement was actually NC it would be blissful. Instead I get thinly veiled aggravation and false accusations from that person’s spouse, which is very hard to tolerate. I do so for the sake of our elderly parent, but once things change in that regard……!

Not spoken to my sister in 6 years and yes im happy and want to keep it that way

Yes im no contact with golden child sister and perfect brother. I am very close with my fellow scapegoat sister. The wonderful ones were taught to really look down on and blame me and nice sister for everything. Anything we did was ridiculed and we were almost daily verbally, physically and mentally abused by our mother and father. They were never touched. Im in contact with parents but golden children wanted to still carry on the family dynamics. Im so much happier that I don't have anything to do with them. They started wanting their children to be better treated than mine and nice sis. No way. The golden children's children are actually lovely young adults and I love them to bits. I loathe my nc sister and brother. They really act and believe they are superior to everyone else on the planet. Ive no regrets going nc its one of the best things ive ever done.

NC with brother for about 9 years now following on from receiving an email he sent. Contents of which I do not know were true or lies but the narcissistic triangulation that had made me the scapegoat for the first 50 years of my life made me instantly block him. It was about my parents and my relationship with them.

When I tied to reach out to extended family it soon became crystal clear the smear campaign against me was in full swing.

I am so so sad for my DC that they hear from their peers about the friendships they have with their cousins and grandparents, aunts and uncles etc but equally:

On a positive note, DC have learned that:

When a story is told, there are always pages missing & as such, we always conscientiously learn full facts before making judgement

Sometimes friends are more important than blood (I have an amazing support network)

I was no contact with my mother and brother, sister and father - and there was no one left.

I did it in my 20s, and then had my 30s and 40s by myself to heal. I changed hugely, so much better in every way. I thrived and everything just stopped being shit and started improving.

I am now back in touch with my sister (great) and father (less great), and it is much easier on me because of who I am now, the strength and resilience and peace and happiness I have under my belt which any poor behaviour from them cannot ever erase, so coping with them is much much easier.

I recommend it.

How does it work for you tho OP, these are your husband's family are they?

Wow that really is evil !