I built a calculator for unpaid labour in the house and I want to help people like me.

[AndreaMartina]

DD is 5 months old. Was up at 2am the other week doing that maths you do when you can’t sleep, what would it actually cost to pay someone to do everything I did this week.

Couldn’t find anything that let me work it out properly so I ended up building one myself. Free, nothing to buy, but I did make it so factor that in however you like.

There’s also a tracker for logging household stuff over a week, which is uncomfortably useful if you’ve ever tried explaining the mental load to someone who genuinely can’t see it. And a template for having the actual conversation about splitting things, which is the bit I found much harder. They are free resources.

Let me know if you want to calculate yours and I’ll link the calculator.

So if the cleaner cleaned their own house, that's how much they would charge their partner? Or go 50/50?

Have you factored in the cost of mortgage/ rent, utility bills, food and transport costs and how you contribute to those?

How do people decide what is a fair allocation?

I agree. I always find this kind of attitude odd. You see stuff like this in the papers and magazines... 'If housewives and mums were paid by the hour they'd get £150,000 a year etc etc.' I think it's terribly sad when a woman is classing her caring for her home, family, and children as 'labour' and a 'chore.'

I agree. It seems a strange way of looking at parenting and keeping your household comfortable and running smoothly. If a partner isn't pulling their weight, surely that's the problem.

I agree. And there’s the massive logical flaw that if you didn’t do it, they would pay a professional. If DH hadn’t been around to cook dinner last night, I’d have cooked it. I wouldn’t have got a private chef.

If DH and I ever start totting up the completely made up financial value of the various things we do, just kill me. We have a pretty even split, but if we didn’t, if it was so bad that I was doing everything and he didn’t even care/understand how much I did, then he’d be a dick. Not someone I want to wave an app at to prove my worth.

great idea. I would have found this very helpful a few years ago when abusive exDP was telling me I was lazy and also couldn’t see the issue with walking around the kitchen in muddy boots just after I had scrubbed the floor and also couldn’t see why tidying up his possessions scattered on the living room floor had anything to do with him.

post tbe link please Op. I’d love to see it.

Would you do that based on money though? I think DH and I have a pretty even split based on time ie we both have the same downtime. I wouldn’t think he could have way more time to relax if the things he did around the house happened to be the ones that would be more expensive to outsource. And I’m certainly not paying him for it!

Just enjoy your baby OP. I don’t mean that in a patronising way, I just mean that if you’re thinking like this 5 months in, you’ll drive yourself crazy by the teens - taxi driver, counsellor, PA, career advisor…
Just had a thought - what price should I have put on “inexperienced but keen goalie coach”? 🤣

Assuming your partner does stuff too, have you costed that? So for example, if he does home maintenance, vehicle maintenance etc, I presume you have calculated how much you would have to pay for a professional to do those tasks?

Would that have helped you? Sounds like you got the right solution - getting rid of an abusive partner.

Well, between them by talking. But sometimes writing it down, spreadsheets, lists, rotas, calculators etc are useful. Everyone is different.

Just had a look at this - from the link the OP posted. 'Closing jars and cupboard doors' is on there as unpaid labour and a 'task?' 😂

Is this a joke @AndreaMartina ?! 😆

True, but I think life just gets a bit fluid and not everything can have a monetary value.
Either you respect each other and want to have a comfortable home for yourselves and your children, or you can cost everything on a spreadsheet and breed resentment and discontent.

Exactly. It's utterly ludicrous! The whole thing. Putting 'closing lids and cupboard doors' on there. FGS!

Dear god. It's so depressing.

Also take into account childcare fees if you go out and leave your child with its father.

None of this stuff has actual financial worth. Presumably you aren’t going to present your child with a bill when they are 18 for nanny costs because you cared for your own child?

When you are paid to do a job, you are expected to do it to a certain standard. There isn’t the expectation when it’s just day to day life so there shouldn’t be a professional value attached.

Are you just trying to get people to request links to your ‘app’?

Yawn

don’t have kids if you want to turn every interaction with them into a number on a spreadsheet

what’s mentally exhausting about sticking a wash on and hanging it out or flicking a duster around

juggling being the main/sole financial earner responsible for carrying the family financially however is a mental load

Also, 'years of menstruation.' THAT is included as a life task that you should receive payment for?

??????????

You can't possibly expect people to take this seriously @AndreaMartina ?!

Well, if someone is going round and leaving things open all the time and you feel like you are clearing up after them, then yes it is.

Fucking hell. That’s messed up - given that that would be happening regardless of the OP’s situation.

I am kind of curious and want to click on the link but I won’t as I don’t want to drive traffic to it

And who would you employ to do that then? As far as I know there isn’t such a thing as a professional door closer and picker-upper so it’s not quantifiable

If that's what they do, then have a conversation, rather than charge them, surely?
Is it a big deal? I close cupboard doors, I'm not going to place a monetary value on this or charge my DH. We live in the same home and I couldn't even tell you who does more.

Same here. It sounds strange.

What on earth is the “unmedicated bonus” for childbirth?