I built a calculator for unpaid labour in the house and I want to help people like me.

[AndreaMartina]

DD is 5 months old. Was up at 2am the other week doing that maths you do when you can’t sleep, what would it actually cost to pay someone to do everything I did this week.

Couldn’t find anything that let me work it out properly so I ended up building one myself. Free, nothing to buy, but I did make it so factor that in however you like.

There’s also a tracker for logging household stuff over a week, which is uncomfortably useful if you’ve ever tried explaining the mental load to someone who genuinely can’t see it. And a template for having the actual conversation about splitting things, which is the bit I found much harder. They are free resources.

Let me know if you want to calculate yours and I’ll link the calculator.

Utter nonsense.

Free, nothing to buy, but I did make it so factor that in however you like.

What does this mean? Are you asking for some sort of social media follow or something?

Is the someone else the husband or the baby? If you're talking about charging your husband for washing his clothes - probably your marriage is not great at that point and it would be easier to leave.

If you're talking about charging your kids for a lifetime of what they've cost you... Some days I'd agree!! 😁

This, and if it’s a “Dh is a super high earner” type of relationship, the calculation for 50% of the costs of living there would be quite high i think!

I've seen several kinds of apps (OP is definitely not right to say they don't exist) that exist to tot up and split household chores, and which claim they will help with the mental load. I personally can't think of anything that would less help my mental load than to have to register that I've done the hoovering on an app.

I was sure I'd read this before.

😂 But I'm not sure I want the bill from my parents!

Advertising/research means you need to pay MN a fee @AndreaMartina

I’m never convinced that things like this work. If your issue is that you’re doing 100% of the childcare and housework and your partner doesn’t appreciate how much this involves, he’s unlikely to suddenly see the light because of an app. And if he’s already aware that looking after young children and running a home takes work, then he doesn’t need the app. The partner is the determining factor, not the app.

I’d also add that, as a lawyer, most of my working life has involved logging my time in 6 minute chunks. It’s no fun and I would advise against introducing that into your life outside of (paid) work.

Me neither, if your marriage is in that bad a state you need to resort to this, then you need to get the hell out of there.

im completely baffled by people saying they are doing it for someone else. Like if you were a single parent you’d never have to cook or clean. And doing it as part of a couple is paid labour. Like you’re doing it as some form of favour to them,

clearly if you want to tell him how much is costs to do his laundry, rather than just yours and your child’s, then crack on, but that’s a relationship that’s dead.

address the issues in your relationship. Playing silly games pretending everything is for them and you’d have to do nothing as a single parent and they’d outsource everything is just not the way to deal with it. No one is going to say fuck me, you’re right, in this unlikely scenario you no longer exist I’d not be able to do anything, I’d pay for it all!

What a load of bollocks.

This ⬆️. We all do "unpaid labour" every day of our lives. Did you grow up with a nanny and a housekeeper, OP?
You're going to have to do the stuff you do, and if you're resentful, talk your partner about it.

I’d be more curious about what prompted you to need a calculator?

Is something in your set up not making you feel valued.

You don’t need random people in the internet to agree with you, many who are making different choices to you clearly don’t because they have assessed their circumstances and made a different choice but it is important that the people in your own person support network value you and what you contribute. That matters.

My friends were a good mix of SAHM and WOHM and honestly everyone just got on and made their lives work for them doing the best they could.

Also, the assumption seems to be that you would always replace with a premium product! Most people who don't drive or cook get the bus and eat ready meals rather than hiring a chauffeur and private chef. The cost of a nanny is an irrelevant comparison point to a SAHP for most families because they'd use cheaper childcare than a nanny if they were using it.

Those posts where someone types out that they're a 'psychologist, chauffeur, nurse' etc are so cringey.
Having a kid is a choice, if you're not enjoying parenting, that's fine, seek employment.

if you feel unfairly put upon and have to build a calculator to get your DP to listen, you have bigger problems.

I'm sure with a 5 month old you are doing more if you're on mat leave and he's working but if say it's worth doing an equivalent for him, adding in whatever tasks he does do and his monthly salary, esp if you're a SAHM

I like the concept. The idea of having everything home and family related to get the point across that this time is worth something.

There are so many posts where the SAH parent, part time worker parent, mother, wife, partner ends up doing all the homework and family work as their partner thinks that they ought to. This because they don't earn or earn as much, or just plain think that someone else, as long as it's not them, should do it.

The only problem being is that everyone's homework is different so you'd need scope to add in different chores.

I completely agree.

I remember after I had my first dc, I'd had a traumatic childbirth, my DH had to administer my clexane injections for me and listen sympathetically to me rehashing it all over and over. Was he an unpaid nurse and psychotherapist?! No, he was being a good husband. I'd have been so aghast if he'd logged these tasks on some kind of task valuation app.

If you think your husband could pull his weight more in the home, then address that head on.

I think thats not what these threads are about though... it's women feeling unproductive and frustrated at home and wanting to reassure themselves (not their partners) of their own valuable productivity.

I didn't partner DH through life to "claim" from him, I don't pay him either. I didn't have my kids to cost out what their total bill is, I had them because we wanted kids and to enjoy them. If you reduce family life to ££ it's a soulless existence in my view.

To be fair though, I’m shit at cleaning so no one would actually pay me for the service I ‘provide’ to our house 😁

And that's another point... everything on the Internet is forever. Imagine your DC, when they're older, finding this app where you've put "changing nappies - £12ph". Talk about feeling unwanted.

Nursery workers are paid to do this because it's not their own children.

It’s work you would have to do for your own life. Cooking, cleaning etc is just life. If you have kids, stuff you do related to your kids is just life.

Most people won’t do life stuff to a professional standard in any case so it’s misleading to value it as worth that.

Cooking meals for the family and being a professional chef are worlds apart.

This is typical of the overimportance that people give to ordinary day to day adulting.

What's that phrase?
Some people know the cost of everything and the value of nothing.

You’d be better off developing an app which helps clueless women weed out useless men before they marry them and settle down to a lifetime of domestic drudgery.