Relatives ordering baby birthday gifts straight to our house… normal or not?

[BlackCat14]

Not sure if I’m ungrateful here but wanted to see what others think.

Our baby is one in a few weeks. We’re having a little family party at home for him on the day. In the last week, three separate relatives have sent (large!) gifts directly to our house. I’m talking a swing, a water tray thing and a play kitchen. They are all huge and have come in loads of cardboard packaging. One of them turned up as a total surprise with a note on the inside as to who it was from, the other two, the relatives text on the day or on the day before with a screenshot saying like “we ordered this for Maxs birthday, it’s arriving at yours today.”
I just feel a bit…ffs… about it all. His birthday isn’t for a few weeks, it’s just another thing for us to have to do. Unwrap it all, take the huge pieces of cardboard to the tip, store it somewhere. All three of these people are coming to his party. I just would’ve thought it would’ve been more the norm for them to get the gift sent to their house, sort it out themselves and then bring it round on his birthday? Not just send it straight to us weeks before? This is our first baby and the first baby in the family for this generation so maybe I’m just clueless on how things work. I’m grateful for the gifts but just a bit irked that they’ve turned into jobs for us!

Sounds sensible. How could they build a swing and get it to your house easily??

Yeah, the multiple large presents when space is limited would annoy me. Also, im not wrapping it.

Do you not have a cardboard collection with your refuse collections? If I place cardboard that doesn’t fit into the standard box but put neatly beside it is collected? I guess area dependent

Very normal, but I'd usually expect people to check with me first if it is a big gift that requires space.
When my mum bought my daughter her slide, she did message me and let me know what she was getting and when it was arriving.

We host Christmas at our house every year too, and everyone just gets things delivered here, addressed to themselves, and then they wrap them when they arrive.
The cardboard is a menace but it is so much easier than people trying to pack everything in their suitcases.

Have a lovely time at your son's birthday @BlackCat14 and congratulations on surviving that first bonkers year! 💕

The delivering to the house wouldn’t bother me but the size of the gifts would! I’d never buy anything big without checking first. Admittedly we live in a two bed flat so I probs think about these things more. Don’t rush to unpack or build them, do it when it suits you. Your baby has no idea what a birthday is never mind when theirs is so you could do it now, on their birthday or in a couple of months. Definitely no wrapping required! Just let your baby discover them

Or squash them down and put them in the bin?

I do this for my gc, my daughter lives many hours away, we can’t always travel there for birthdays and it is easier for my daughter to unpack things when it suits her. Neither she nor I would wrap a swing. Obviously I get her agreement to what we are giving. For me the most annoying bit would be people giving large presents without checking first.
Give it another year or two and the very large boxes will give as many hours of fun as the gift😂.

You would still be required to take it all to the tip. Unless you are expecting them to assemble it. For those who don't send it beforehand. We have a large box that's wrapped that then needs to be assembled after their birthday. As the child gets bigger, this is more frustrating as they are excited to play with it.

Our relatives either send it directly to our house and then we assemble it ready for the day. We've had all sorts over the years with a 13 and 4 year old. I'm also not a fan of mass consumerism and we prefer to gift our children experiences rather than gifts but we understand it comes from a place of love and our children are very lucky to have family members interested in sending them generous presents

Birthday child would have probably loved to play in the large boxes before you chuck them...gives hours of endless fun...while you sit back with a cuppa

I have to agree with OP here. If they are bulky items the person should check with the parents first to see if they want it and have room. If the answer is yes it makes sense to deliver it directly. But it's a bit presumptuous to deliver without checking in. Smaller items that require assembly should be assembled by the person gifting (I think) but most people don't. I don't mind if they want to see if the gift is wanted and could be returned, but if they are presenting it directly to the child it often gets ripped open there and then..then the person goes off home while parents are up half the night with an instruction manual. I have found that the more sensitive thoughtful people check first and think these things through, maybe offering to help, but most don't. When it comes to gift giving its really about what the person wants to give and little thought for the person actually doing all the work.

Ok so I get where you’re coming from because this is also a bugbear of mine that I can’t express IRL because it’s so ungrateful to actually say it.

Part of the magic of my childhood birthdays and Christmases was having a nice pile of presents in different paper to unwrap. Even if it was just, like, a bag of Haribo, it was the unwrapping that was the thing. Nowadays it’s just a pile of brown Amazon boxes arriving a day or two after my actual birthday and maybe a typed card on Moonpig. Same for my son. Maybe it’s a ‘love language’ thing but I feel like we’ve lost that care and thoughtfulness now we can just send things at the click of a button.

When I send something for someone’s birthday, I’ll usually wrap it myself and post it a few days before OR I’ll pay for the gift wrap option. I do not wrap up presents which other people send to my son, I just give them to him in the Amazon box because I am not doing other people’s labour for them.

It’s lazy, inconsiderate gifting.

Maybe you could ask the present giver to help with the building of the item and removal of the cardboard to the tip . Am sure they would be happy to help that way.

How on earth would anyone build a toy kitchen or swing, ‘present it nicely’ and then transport it to your house in a car? 😆. At one, you baby will probably prefer playing in the big boxes anyway 🤣🤣

Big items like a swing etc I think is okay but it drives me absolutely fucking mental when I get something small delivered from Amazon that could easily (and cheaply) have been sent to their house, wrapped, and then sent to us! Like you said, just adds to the mental prep 🤦‍♀️

@NicNakNicola I do send random things to dd1 and dd2 for my dgc but I don't expect them to be wrapped up. Dd1 loves receiving surprise gifts for her dc (dd2 not so much so I very rarely send her dc anything). I live a few hundred miles away from dd1 and don't see them in person very often.

Oh random things are fine! It's when it's for an occasion like a birthday or Christmas, and the gift is small like a book or a Lego set which wouldn't cost much to wrap and send in the post. If my kids get given something as a "just because" then definitely wouldn't expect it to be wrapped!

Another example of that is gift cards where you can't even be arsed to write the name of the recipient. So it's a blank card with £20 or whatever on it. I have twins and they would often be opening gifts together, about 5 mins later they get mixed up. I got wise and filled them in as they opened. But seriously if you don't spend any time choosing a gift it's incredible that you can't even take a minute to fil in the generic gift card.

I hate it when people tell you to get over yourself or make out you’re a prick just because you asked a question (in a place designed for asking opinions). You don’t sound remotely rude, you haven’t said anything to anyone and haven’t made it seem like you’re losing sleep over this - just acknowledging that for your own sanity. This isn’t really ‘normal’ in my family. My sister has done it a couple of times but she’s always checked with me first. The outer cardboard can be excessive and I understand why you’re mildly irrritated as there always something else to do in too of planning a party and buying / assembling your own gifts. The cardboard bin at anyone’s house isn’t sufficient once you’ve got kids is it? Those that suggested you put it in there 😂 all in all, I can see why you’re irritated but you’ll probs just have to get used to it haha. You’ll be doing extra tip runs until the child leaves home btw - sorry!

Yes you sound incredibly ungrateful.

This is very normal. We have never received a large gift that was fully assembled by the gifter (if that's what you meant by sorting it out) - sure that would be nice, but not completely practical, especially if you need to return it. And many of our friends and relatives who can afford to buy the kinds of gifts you got are older, and it doesn't make sense for them lift a heavy package. Or maybe they don't have a car with enough storage space to transport it.

If it really bothers you, perhaps next year you can request only smaller gifts that can be given in person?

What nice gifts they are buying.

And one year old doesn't care if it's wrapped either, so skip it.

I think it makes sense as they are large gifts; they arrive at the right place so no need for difficult transportation, the child will be able to have the gifts ready to use for their birthday and the gift giver gets to see the child enjoying them. Win Win!

If it was something small, I would think this a bit odd - but they aren't small gifts. Also, I don't expect someone to buy a gift and put it together?

It's nice that your child has so many people wanting to buy them memorable presents.

My in-laws regularly had stuff for the kids delivered to us, but they're French and unlikely to be in the neighbourhood with a car.
Postage is prohibitively expensive in the UK, and I know people who'll take advantage of free delivery to afford a slightly better present.
However, it's also lovely to give gifts in person, and if I was going to be there anyway, I'd be taking it with me.
I don't think you're being ungrateful or unreasonable, but it's another part of life we should probably get used to.