Relatives ordering baby birthday gifts straight to our house… normal or not?

[BlackCat14]

Not sure if I’m ungrateful here but wanted to see what others think.

Our baby is one in a few weeks. We’re having a little family party at home for him on the day. In the last week, three separate relatives have sent (large!) gifts directly to our house. I’m talking a swing, a water tray thing and a play kitchen. They are all huge and have come in loads of cardboard packaging. One of them turned up as a total surprise with a note on the inside as to who it was from, the other two, the relatives text on the day or on the day before with a screenshot saying like “we ordered this for Maxs birthday, it’s arriving at yours today.”
I just feel a bit…ffs… about it all. His birthday isn’t for a few weeks, it’s just another thing for us to have to do. Unwrap it all, take the huge pieces of cardboard to the tip, store it somewhere. All three of these people are coming to his party. I just would’ve thought it would’ve been more the norm for them to get the gift sent to their house, sort it out themselves and then bring it round on his birthday? Not just send it straight to us weeks before? This is our first baby and the first baby in the family for this generation so maybe I’m just clueless on how things work. I’m grateful for the gifts but just a bit irked that they’ve turned into jobs for us!

It sounds like your DC is having a lot of lovely gifts. I'd be so grateful not moaning about it. Some people have noone to buy gifts for their DC.

I think it is the practical thing to deliver it straight to you but I think they should have asked first. Depending on who the relative is, maybe you need to say to them that they will need to pop over one day and set up/build the set at your house if it’s too much for you to do and when they do come, ask them to take the rubbish to the tip on the way home.

I would say though, this will only be the first of many things I’m sure will irk you when it comes to family and gifts etc. I think generally it’s a battle everyone goes through. Buying things you don’t have room for, buying things that you wanted to give yourself, buying things that isn’t to your taste (I’m talking clothing or room decor mostly here) it definitely used to pmo but 15 years and 6 kids later, I don’t really care so much. If I get clothes I hate, they get a courtesy pic and then I don’t feel bad that they never wear them again. If we don’t have room, it’s not a gift that we keep at our house. It’s their house and no compromise. Basically after years of little things annoying me, I found my voice and I just am more direct. If it’s your family you should be able to say you don’t have room or time and they need to come store it or you can store it but they need to come assemble it. If it’s your husbands family then you need to make sure your husband is comfortable being assertive around his family to else it will slowly be something that becomes a strain in your relationship. Now when it’s Christmas or birthdays, family just ask what the kids want. I don’t have as much gripe about letting family give them the bigger or better gifts (the kids really don’t care who’s it’s from and it saves me the money). If they want to buy clothes we stick to pjs/slippers/towels. That kind of thing as it doesn’t matter if I don’t like it or not, it doesn’t get seen in public. To be completely honest eventually the excitement wears off (especially if you have lots of kids ha!) and you are just grateful if there are still people who are willing to make the effort. Over 15 years we have lost family close to us and have had family/friends who just don’t bother anymore. So without sounding patronising, be greatful so many people love your baby. Let the little things go but learn to just say what you feel and what you want.

Love this so much 🥰

@BlackCat14Did you actually want these items for him? They sound quite large! I’d stagger putting them together and maybe store something until Christmas? I cannot imagine anyone not checking with me that the toy was ok as it’s large. I’d not be best pleased and I don’t think the whole scenario is normal.

You will need to direct present giving a bit. Otherwise you will have a house full of toys and tat that you really don’t need or want. Often less is more. Quality over quantity. I used to ask for books. Don’t take up much space and always good to have.

It's common sense surely? It's a large item so makes perfect sense to get it delivered to the intended destination?

What? So you would expected the to take it out of it's packaging before bringing it to you?

I don't see the issue really. I get you might not want all of it but it saves you having to do a fake happy look when they present it to you.

Just be pleased people are generous enough to give you gifts for your baby.

If you already have certain things just sell or give away the duplicates without telling the person who gave it.

Ha! They’ve at least all skipped the bit where they ask you what they want, then get you to order it for them, deliver it to you and wrap it.
I get this with 3 grandparents!

Thank you everyone (well, most of you!) for the comments on here.

Ive got from it exactly what I wanted- some clarity on whether this is normal practice or not. And it seems for a lot of people, it is, so that makes me feel much better about the situation, and tells me I was being a bit dramatic/ridiculous about the packaging. I really do see now that assembling and wrapping and then transporting toys (I laughed at the person who said they picture someone on the bus with a slide!) is quite silly. I also have liked the stark truths from some people that this is parenthood, and I need to get used to it!

Big thanks to those of you who agreed with me and said they also wouldn’t like it- you’ve made me feel like I’m not alone with my initial thoughts about it all! A lot of you also said you wouldn’t like being sent these gifts without being asked first, and asked me if we even wanted such things. I’ll be honest- we already have a swing but this one is bigger and better quality so, fair enough. But if they’d asked we maybe would’ve suggested a slide instead! The water tray he will love. The kitchen… we’ll see what he thinks of it! Probably not something we would have picked for him but we can see it was chosen with care so that’s nice.

To those of you who said I should say thank you to the recipients, we have done, and I’m unsure why you’ve assumed we didn’t thank them.

To those of you who were unnecessarily rude (to be expected, I’ve been on mumsnet a while, I was ready for you all), I hope you have a better day tomorrow as I normally find bad moods/bad days breed nastiness. Sending love.

Wont be checking this thread again as I have the answers I came for. My boyfriend and I have had a fun evening assembling the swing and water tray whilst blasting out our favourite country music 🎵

it’s large items so it make sense to be honest. It might fit on their car etc. Also, they wouldnt open and assemble the item and bring it over to you. You ll still need to do everything including disposing the cardboard etc. no matter what.

DM me your address and I'll order you a Stanley knife so you can cut up the cardboard

at that age your kid might prefer to play with the boxes! Don’t worry about getting rid!

I’d be fed up with this too. All the hassle of un packing then putting it together all whilst trying to hide it until the actual birthday.

I think the thing that got me with my first is that not only do large presents arrive with little consultation direct to the house, but family got so excited by the first grand child/nephew that some of the large items just weren't quite age appropriate and we were so limited on space. Also the sheer volume and in some cases levels of one upmanship.

I know that sounds incredibly ungrateful, but I don't think it spoils things to check with parents first for things that take up a lot of space. I.domy begrudge it coming direct if discussed as it does make sense.

I have 3 kids and it’s very normal for people to send the “large” gifts to your house before the party. Would you prefer them to build the play house and put it on the roof of their car then somehow drag it through your front door for delivery? Or the swing set? It’s your first so I get that you’re being unreasonable, as you aren’t used to kids and the dynamics of how it all works etc but you’re being ungrateful. Trust me, by the time you get to 3 you will be wishing you didn’t need to pay for the huge stuff and relatives just sent it over ready for you to put up whenever you want and put it where you want without the £500 bill :)

“I like getting DD to wrap them” why do “YOU” “LIKE” it when someone else wraps them for you? While DD is I am sure greatful for the gift, she may not be thrilled about being given an extra job…

Lololol...they are buying a gift for your child and you expect them to assemble it?! Oh dear. Is this the first child , perchance ?

Check the rules for your area.
In some places, if you do this you could be fined for fly tipping.

Well hardly age appropriate gifts are they? Get your mum or someone to ask your eels to stop buying gifts - it will sound better coming from her (or your DH’s mum/dad).
Frankly you should be grateful. We didn’t get any gifts other than a few clothes from people when I had my kids.

I understand how you feel OP.
I wouldn't dream of buying a large gift that takes up room without checking first.

Have "toy assembly" and "dump run" activities for the adults at the party!

Wrapping gifts = making a rod for your own back.

You really don't have to hide stuff from a baby who is 12 months old.

Their frame of reference is almost non existent. They cannot put together the fact that rhey have a birthday coming up (that is abstract and unreal to them) and the appearance of big boxes in the sitting room.

For a 1 year old I wouldn't bother wrapping big gifts. Just assemble them the night before and put them in your garden in the morning. As for storage, its only a short time and he's not going to ask about them at his age so put them anywhere.

We are almost at our 5th year of this. I think it’s quite logical, additionally I enjoy giving them early at that age, the day is going to be overwhelming. Now you can give the gifts a bit early and get a really nice thank you video of them playing with it while they’re relaxed, rather than on the day while there is loads going on. Also if yours is the first baby, at least you know you can do this moving forwards as other people start having babies, less on your plate when your little one is older & you’re busier!