DD ignored on her birthday by “friends”

[Sadparent2026]

It’s DD’s birthday. She’s having a bigger party later in the holidays but I’ve brought a couple of her “friends” out for the day. The other two girls have spent the whole day talking only to each other, hugging each other, jumping on each other, talking in their own made up language and generally ignoring DD completely and utterly. She hasn’t said anything but has got sadder and sadder as the day has gone one. I knew their friendship group had been tricky this year and the girls in their (Y3) year group are a bit difficult generally but my heart is breaking a little bit for her. She feels as though she’s always on the outside of the group and now I can see why. I’ve said to the kids a couple of times that it would be great if they could all play together, to which they agree and then promptly turn around and ignore DD again.

I just want the day to end and to take her home and give her a big cuddle. She’s trying hard to be kind and accommodating- I don’t know why she’s being excluded 🙁. I could really do with a hand hold.

Take the girls home now OP, they are being cruel & you should show your daughter that it doesnt need to be tolerated

I agree, time for them to go

Urgh, not nice at all. Scrap it, and tell their parents why.

And tell their parents why.

Give them a final warning and explain why.Then,if they don't stop, take em home and tell theit parents why.

I'd curtail the day. If necessary, feign a headache and arrange to drop them off, then enjoy the rest of the day.

Im not sure that I’d make a big song and dance to the parents about it. Although it appears very mean they are only Y3 so what are they, 7? If you make a huge deal about it, you might just find it causes more problems down the road for your daughter and for you with the parents. It’s not worth it. I think you need to get through the day and then not encourage these friendships any more.

How much longer do you have to go? Could you call whatever you’re doing a day, take them back to your house and just put a film on until they are collected?

Also I’m sure you realise this now but don’t do a group of 3 ever again. It rarely works as you’ve seen today

Yes curtail the day. This happened to my daughter when I gave 2 of her friends a lift to a sporting event quite a distance away, the 2 spent the whole journey there talking about the sleepover they would be having that night. I was seething. On the way back they started again, going over the same ground, it had to be deliberate. I put the radio off told them to cut it out and that you never, EVER talk about something to which someone is excluded in front of them. There was total silence in the car after that.

I can't believe you've allowed them to bully and exclude your DD in front of you. Take them home (now) and never invite them again.

Take the girls home. Explain to their parents why they are home early and take your dd out for a special dinner. Fuck that!

Take them home and do something wonderful woth yoir daughter and tell her why, that the day is about her and she doesn’t have to put up woth it. Don’t teach her to put up woth bullies

3 is a hard number.

I'd wrap it up early.

As others have said, call time and take them home. Let their parents know how horrible they have been.

Yes, cut the day short. Drop them home without making a big deal of it, and then say to DD - they were being rude, excluding you. You never have to put up with people treating you badly. You always have the right to choose not to be with them.

Then find a nice movie or place to take her for a treat so the day ends well.

Speak to the other 2 girls in a teacher voice and be very firm with them. If they don’t buck up, then tell them that due to their rude behaviour, the fun day is cancelled and you’re taking them home.

I wouldn’t let the little sods get away with that on my watch!

Three’s a crowd. Next time only invite one other child.

They are young. Say something to them. I’d take them aside “we are here to celebrate X’s birthday- that means making a fuss or her and being extra kind to her, you need to do this and start including her more”
Take them home if they can’t do this.
Then help her find better friends.

My daughter had a sweet 16 party at an extremely expensive restaurant in Central London (one of the famous desired social media destinations) where she paid for a small group of her closest "friends" followed by some time out in Central London. Two of those girls spent the whole evening just making TikTok videos of the two of them, running away from the rest of the group (my daughter had to go and look/wait for them and behaving so appallingly that the other girls in the group were asking my daughter why she is tolerating this behaviour. It was very weird and I have no idea why they did it, as they've been good friends before that.

OP, this is horrid and I think everyone has been in this situation at one time or another. Wait it out, agree with DD after the event that it wasn't nice for her and think about other friends she can spend time with over the summer. Groups of 3 are best avoided I find. It is a chance to talk to DD about whether this is new or if she thought they would be like that. If it is not new, why did she pick them?

My DD had a friend who she really liked in early primary school who liked other people more and said so blatantly. I stopped inviting her round after a particularly unpleasant experience, DD made other friends and didn't bother with her anymore. We had a couple of other instances of her being left out a bit and her friendships changed again between year 6/7. Then, much to my surprise, she's back being friends with the original friend who has improved but still perhaps lacks diplomacy.

You can't choose their friends for them but you can use the unkind actions of others as a life lesson not to do that yourself and to make it very clear that it is that these girls just aren't the right friends for her, but that is due to them not DD because she is awesome. There is no point talking to their parents-they can't fix this either. Friendship shouldn't feel like trying to open a locked door. Your friends should make you feel happy to be yourself. You are never too young to learn this but it is a shame it was on her birthday day out. I bought mine an expensive pair of shorts for being brave about her rubbish experience when she was 7 and I never do that sort of thing. Can you do something similar?

Oh the selective sleepover! I think if your kid hasn't fallen foul of that, they are the one having them? Why oh why can't grown adults see that if you can't have everyone to sleep over, don't invite someone else to part of it? Solidarity, mcmooberry. Literally nothing makes me crosser.

Poor thing, on her birthday too. I’d bin the pair of them home and do something special with your daughter.

I agree with @Bigtrapeze that you can't choose their friends, and sadly, can't control the inevitable times when friends will exclude and be mean to them. But hwta you can do is teach them not to put up with this behaviour, to judge the friends' behaviour not themselves as being what is at fault. Ideally, help them widen their friendship circle.

It took DS2 ages to realise his friends were the people who were nice to him, not the ones he aspired to know who were absolute shits. He kept telling me "I have nothing in common with them" about the people who did include him, until he finally realised what I'd been trying to tell him all along, which was that what he had in common with them were the shared experiences of doing nice things together and getting on well with each other. Having common values of kindness and decency and inclusion. (He was a lot older than OP's DD when he realised this.)

Just invite one child in future. 👍

Don't feign a headache, FFS. Why lie?

Tell them in simple words exactly how awful their behaviour has been, that they are unkind and nasty and could be seen as bullying. (Schools are often hot on teaching anti-bullying, so that word should have a big effect).
Don't respond if they sulk or start to cry.
Then take them all home.

Then give your DD a massive treat this evening - cinema or restaurant? Or late-opening shopping for new clothes?

This happened on one of my son's birthdays many moons ago. I took him and 2 friends out for the day and spent a small fortune. The two other boys basically ganged up on my son, pulling faces at him, laughing behind his back - all of that. My heart was breaking too OP, so I know the feeling. I asked them to calm it down but it almost made it worse. So I cut the day short and took them home. No explanation, nothing. They were pretty stunned. I then took my son elsewhere for what remained of the day.