How many women are regularly coping with only a few hours' sleep?

[fudgy]

I am curious just how many women are struggling though the day regularly on only a few hours sleep? The past year and a half I've really struggled. I get the odd good night or even few nights but mostly I fall asleep easily and sleep for about 3 to 4 hours then I wake up and that's it. I've done all the things, saw my GP (not much help, they only give meds short term and then you need to stop and the insomnia returns if they meds even worked at all) did cbt-i, tried the usual supplements, got on hrt, practice good sleep hygiene, upped my exercise, I didn't ever drink anyway so no booze, no caffeine and so on and at best I get improvement for a week then it all goes to shit again. Looking online it seems that there are a lot of women relying on strong antihistamines to sleep sometimes for years.

I am curious just how many of us are really struggling here? I am at the point where my life is barely worth living and I am so envious of people who can just sleep though the night. I feel like I live such a healthy life but my lack of sleep means I always feel horrible. I tend to mask it as much as I can because I don't want to bring my family down but it's also sad to feel like I am just performing at life instead of being actually present due to exhaustion. I don't think I am depressed either because if I get a good night or two I feel so much better and so joyous really.

So please tell me how you sleep so I know I'm either not alone or some kind of medical freak. I think Ideally I want to know how you sleep if there are no obvious impediments like a new baby or young kids but really anyone can respond!

👋

I have adhd and have always struggled with sleep. I struggle with the transition of stopping whatever I'm doing and putting myself to bed. And then once I'm actually in bed, I struggle to wind down to go to sleep. I function pretty well on far too little sleep and always have done, but I do find myself wondering what it must be doing to my long term health.

Ah so not alone I see!

@MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack I do struggle with transitions as well but I usually do feel sleepy at bedtime and I am falling asleep after a few pages of my book and sleep for a few hours then I wake and that's it I'm awake for the rest of the night. I can't really function though I feel like a zombie and often I feel very low mentally unless I get enough sleep. I too worry what it's doing to my long term health, they tell you in cbt-i not to worry about it because it causes more anxiety but there is unfortunately a lot of research which suggests it's not great. I am prediabetic now and my blood sugar was find prior to my sleep going to shit.

I get about 5hrs if I'm lucky but if I wake up (doesn't matter what time) that's me done. Things have improved marginally since I started taking magnesium and ashwaganda about an hour before bed. I also take half a Kirkland sleep aid but am very much trying not to be reliant on them so tend to take as infrequently as I can get away with, basically when I'm desperate. However, I always manage 8hrs when I do (unless something wakes me, then I'm still screwed)

Nocturnal teenage son
My autism

It's one or the other keeping me awake.

I had always slept well (other than when my DC were small obviously!) but peri-menopause really wrecked my sleep.

HRT has made a huge difference.

Perimenopause. HRT has helped a bit. But I still wake up and can’t get back to sleep. And have more bad nights than good

@Psiren I am taking ashwaganda and a lot of magnesium! The magnesium worked great for the first few weeks but it doesn't seem to help anymore although I still take it. I also got some ashwagandha ksm66 and it worked well for about a week then it suddenly stopped being effective in helping me sleep longer. I've been resisting using sleep aids regularly myself and nytol left me feeling very hungover but I'm so desperate right now I almost don't care about becoming dependent.

I think my issue is perimenopause too mostly although I'm on HRT and it doesn't seem to be helping much with the sleep.

Even though I'm now perimenopausal my sleep is (usually) better than it was, because I got a prescription for amitriptyline for post natal anxiety 11 years ago and they just keep repeating it. I take it every other night, and take herbal sleep aid tablets in between. I couldn't give a monkeys if that means I'm reliant on pills, to me sleep trumps everything.

That said, I've slept pretty badly the last couple of nights due to extreme stress (and the heat and light doesn't help). It seems that I can pretty much only do all my deep processing of Stuff when I'm in bed at 4.00am. I manage to reframe it as essential thinking time- it is what it is 🤷‍♀️

Do you take progesterone for only part of the month, and do you find it makes a difference? I definitely find I sleep better during the progesterone phase.

@Helpwithdivorce Awful isn't it? I'm not sure, I started HRT prior to my sleep getting really bad so maybe it would be worse without it? It's still pretty bad. I think my issue is that I always, always have woken up to go to the loo at night and until recently I could always just fall back asleep no issue but now once I wake up that is it be it after 2 or 4 hours of sleep.

I do use utrogestan and I actually find my sleep is worse when I take it. However the first few years I used it I had no issue with it although it didn't seem to make things better.

I’ve never slept well really even as a small child, and apart from a few years in my teens where I was regularly getting 8 to 9’hours a night, I’m lucky if I reach 7.

i have adhd and that combined with peri meant that my sleep was awful, I’d fall asleep about 11 ish and then by two I was wide awake. Every single night for almost 2 years. I felt so miserable and ill.

HRT patches did absolutely nothing so I was changed onto oestrogel and progesterone tablets and what a difference that has made!
the progesterone makes me feel sleepy and although I still wake a couple of times, it’s brief and I go back to sleep. I’m now regularly getting between 5 and 7 hours, a night which is a big improvement for me

@crackofdoom I have heard that amitriptyline is good for sleep. I was on it years ago for migraine but I don't recall it affecting my sleep but I was a good sleeper then. I worry about the anticholinergic effects of these drugs and the link to dementia although I am sure that sleeping 3 hours a night much of the time is also raising my risk of dementia! The heat and light of summer really isn't helping things at all right now!

I agree, I don't think its massively effective but saying that I do notice a difference if I don't take it. I'm not on HRT, my doctor won't entertain it as am I 'only' 44. The fact I had a hysterectomy 13 years ago and there is a good amount of evidence that even if you keep your ovaries (which I did) you are likely to be menopausal within 7 (ish) yrs seems to have sailed right by them. I've felt shit for about 4yrs now. It's frustrating, you have my sympathy

HRT has helped but I find it very difficult to wind down at night and I often wake during the night. So I'm not as chronically sleep deprived as I used to be, but it isn't ideal either.

@Psiren Well I went on HRT at 43 and I hadn't had a hysterectomy so your GP as you probably know is way behind the times. I really hope you get HRT soon if that is what you want. In our 40's nobody is letting us take out feet off the pedal, if anything we have more on our plate than ever and yet we're supposed to just put up with feeling shit! Medical misogyny at it's finest.

I do think the ashwagandha is calming to the nervous system but its very subtle.

@ChaToilLeam Talking to my friends so many of them seem to be getting by on 4 or 5 hours sleep a night but feeling crappy a lot of the time. I can't believe we are supposed to just live like this!

Thatcher famously got by on 4 hours sleep. Everyone treats it like it was some kind of super power.
I remember this fact popping into my mind when I was in the baby/toddler trenches and thinking "Four hours is loads" and then laughing a bit too hard about it.
Come to think about it you only ever hear about Thatcher living on 4 hours when she was PM. Noone ever says "And of course, also for a year when her twins were young"

I'm not sure it's specific to women nor is it just menopause.

DH has never been a good sleeper which was useful with small children because he was invariably up at 5am anyway.
I last slept through the night in 1995 which was when I became pregnant with DC1.
Pregnancy kept me awake.
Then babies kept us both awake.
Then my bladder never managed a full night.
Then menopause hot sweats kept me awake
Then pain kept me awake.
Now I'm 68 and I still sleep in 2 hour bursts. Often awake 3/4 hours in the middle.
Very occasionally I sleep for 4 hours unbroken and I am nostalgic for the days when I could sleep for 12 hours.

@TheBluebird I do know men can have insomnia too but I do think it seems to affect a lot of women even when they do everything right. I am a bit concerned that not sleeping is basically normal for women past a certain age. I'm sorry to hear you've not been sleeping well for 30 years. I really wish there were a good solution.

I take sedating antihistamines. I’ve struggled for years, I need at least 7 hours to feel ok.

i tried increasing my hrt dose to help sleep but I put weight on and I didn’t feel good.

I had long-term insomnia for a variety of reasons. CBT-I isn’t available in my area and I can’t take HRT. I have been prescribed Daridorexant by a sympathetic GP and now have 6 hours sleep most nights, sometimes longer.

I rarely get more than 6 hours, usually 4 or 5 most nights but this isn't due to inability to sleep (once I'm gone that's it until the alarm!) but the fact there just aren't enough hours in the day! If I wanted to get 8 hours sleep I'd have to go to bed at 9pm as I get up at 5am and that's no life.
After a day of working/parenting/ daily chores etc I like to enjoy my evening.... sadly this means I'm always shattered but I can't be the only one living like this????