Am I too strict? Please judge my parenting!

[Judgemyparenting]

I’m on a camping holiday, it’s a fairly posh sort of place for families who I’d say are probably middle class and left-leaning.

It’s our first night and our children (3 and 7) got to stay up late (8pm bedtime instead of 7) and we’re completely wild from the excitement and the travel. By 9 pm they were still rolling about giggling and joking with each other and DH and I raised our voices and told them to stop (after giving several smaller milder warnings earlier) and ended up pulling 7 yo to a different part of the tent.

I hear other parents up with their crying children until nearly 10pm, laughing and making jokes and I wonder if perhaps we are too strict. I do feel like I want and need to control my 7 yo, he is a lot of work lately and is a boundary seeker/pusher, but I don’t know how to approach that very well.

I think there’s a balance, your on holiday so staying up a bit later to tire them out wouldn’t have hurt but equally, I was very much a once I say bedtime that’s it, my patience is done. It’s bedtime no faffing.

How do you know the political leaning of strangers on a campsite?

It’s impossible to say really. First night in a tent on holiday was always going to be like that with young kids, so it’s not really surprising. If separating them gets them to go to sleep then no issue with doing that, I would do the same. I wouldn’t be angry or tell them off for it though, as it was always going to happen!

Everyone has different priorities and boundaries and is stricter about some stuff v others.

I think it depends on how your dc deal with tiredness the next day.
Who cares what others are doing in neighbouring tents.
9pm for a boisterous 7yr old on holiday is perfect.
Enjoy

I think that’s perfectly good parenting!

I don't read this as you being too strict. In particular, if you know from experience that a late bedtime will mean that your DC will wake at the same time as usual and then be tired and stroppy all day, I can see it's important for you to take a firm line on your DC settling down to sleep.

My kids (5 and 3) would be up till 10 camping unless we’d done a lot of exercise that day. We’d sit up chatting and they’d go to sleep when they were ready. They’re both natural night owls though and go to sleep around 8.30-9 normally. First night camping is exciting I think you could probably have relaxed things a bit

I think probably the other kids are a bit older. Even 5-9 vs 3-7 is a massive difference.

The trouble is that on a camp site noise travels. Being put to bed at 8pm was setting them up to fail. They will be excited and able to hear noise all around. I would have aimed more for 9pm. Later in the holiday an early night might well happen naturally if they are tired out. I would relax a bit.

You know your kids best, you gave them an extension and now it's time to settle down so that tomorrow you'll all be fresh for fun. No one else's business! But agree with a PP that it's weird you are equating bedtimes to political leanings.

I don’t think you’re being too strict but maybe have
too high expectations of two young excited children going to bed in a tent in what’s still broad daylight!
divide and conquer them - put the 3yr old down with a calm story and sit with them until they fall asleep. Read the 7yr old stories outside their bedroom then they have to creep into bed so they don’t wake their
sibling up. even as an adult I often have trouble falling asleep on the first night in a new place so kids need “managing” a bit too.

I'm a fairly strict parent in some ways, but all rules for us go out the window on holiday, we adopt the mantra of you eat when you're hungry, you sleep when you're tired, it's what my mum did for us when we were kids and I have such amazing memories of holiday, the seaside is still my happy place.

If your kids were being respectful of noise levels, but keeping themselves having a laugh and a joke and a good time, I think forcing them apart and making them go to sleep was a bit of a shame.. holidays are the one time you can let kids have some autonomy without it having a massive knock on effect.

But you know your kids best and what they can tolerate.

We went on a camping holiday in France with our 7 year old DD and at first we were like you, putting her to bed at her usual time (7/8pm). By the end of the week she went to bed at the same time as all the French kids, more like 11pm. Putting her in bed earlier would mean missing out on all the evening entertainment.

She was absolutely fine and had the time of her life.

So yes I would say you were quite strict.

Yes it does sound quite strict on first night of a fun holiday. They will settle down. Problem with camping is that you can hear EVERYTHING so they may not settle down until other children have. Just relax and enjoy your break

Mine didn’t have bedtimes on holiday at all but then he wasn’t a screamer and was happy to socialise with everyone else.

I agree

On a camping holiday bedtime is 9:30/10pm, your expectations were way too high

We tried to get our kids to bed before others on our first camping holiday. It also didn’t work. We always let them stay up later and they slept later in the morning. I think you need to be more flexible when camping with other kids around.

We are off camping for the first time in a couple of weeks with ours (4 and just 6) and I’m fully aware that we’ll all probably turn in at 10ish and wake at 6ish. Unfortunately I think camping is one of those holidays where you can say goodbye to adult only time (and I say that as someone who is militant about 7.30/8 for them almost all the time!)

I think the key thing with a "boundary pusher" is that you are very consistent in how you deal with behaviour. If you've said, "No" to something, you need to follow through with a consequence if your DS ignores you. Don't say "No" but then give in to him, as that way he'll learn that it pays to push boundaries. Obviously pick your battles. For more minor stuff, consider whether you need to pull him up on his behaviour at all or whether you can just let it go.

Every family is different. I would love to be someone who lets their kids stay up really late on holiday having a lovely time but unfortunately I lose my shit when I'm over exposed to them and sometimes I just need them to go to bed. I also have one who wakes at 6am without fail, regardless of what time she goes to bed, and is a monster if she's tired. Do what works for you. Maybe try both and see what you/they can handle.

Eweleaze?
It doesn’t sound like you were particularly strict, but you must feel a little bad about something - were you too rough or screaming?
It resonates about wanting to control a child that you fear might otherwise be totally feral, I have this with my youngest and I’m always on pins slightly ready to come down hard on him. It’s been a journey.
Camping bedtimes can be a drama. It helps me to set the bedtime in the morning and have them agree but then giving them an extra half hour at the time which they are then delighted with. Getting them into PJs then doing marshmallows etc when it got dark was a nice routine.

My son is 5. I am a strict mum in a lot of ways but bedtime is a tricky one. I think my son should go to bed at 7 (he wakes at around 6.30am) but lately, he won't sleep until 8.30/9. I've adjusted our routine to a later supper, bath and bed. He now goes up at 8 and is much calmer and falls asleep quickly.

Id say a 3 and 7 year old need a different bedtime but appreciate this might be tricky! On a camping holiday, I'd honestly let them stay awake until they naturally fall asleep. Its exciting and an adventure! Plus, after the first night or 2 they'll be so shattered after busy days, fresh air and late nights they'll probably be dropping asleep.

Anyway, a really long post just to conclude that I wouldn't worry too much on holiday and go with the flow.

If I was that strict on bedtimes I wouldn’t go camping. It must have been light still. Sounds like there was probably a fair bit of noise too if you can still hear other kids up. So yeah not that surprised the kids messed about. I get that some kids don’t do well out of routine but then camping probably isn’t the best choice of holiday…
But more importantly how do you know the political leanings of your fellow campers? Please tell!

We are off camping next week with a huge new tent and put it up in the garden today to test it out. 5yo so excited he didn’t sleep until 9:15pm (usually 8pm) despite the amazing black out tent room material. The dog didn’t help barking at any little noise outside. I am now dreading the camping holiday!!! But having read this I’m just going to let him stay up until as late as all the other kids and hope he sleeps in…….! Good luck!