Do you think discussing money is rude?

[PotteringAboutIn]

A certain friend asks alot of questions regarding money
Such as how are you finding it financially supporting your children through uni

How much was your extension

Personally I think it's a it rude as I wouldn't ask that

Discussing money is fine and offering info is ok in the right context, eg two people discussing and sharing details about something. Asking other people for personal financial details is not.

How much was your extension though?

Surely this is just asking for info tho as I'm certainly not asking her questions like that

Me and my sister know someone like this she’s so nosey it’s unreal, not a friend someone we know thru our kids.

Its draining and exhausting we distance ourselves from her and in turn don’t host her kids at anything we don’t need too because we can’t be doing with her!

Too much lol

I'm on the fence here. It's rude to ask about someone's financial situation but both of those questions could just be her way of trying to gauge how much something she is considering or will need to do in the future might cost her. I've asked similar questions about the cost of home improvements or cars etc and it had nothing to do with gauging my friends financial situation but was all about me wondering if I could afford new windows or a new car.

It's rude because it causes arguments, resentment, and other social cohesion issues. That's why it became a social taboo. This is evidenced perfectly on any thread mentioning benefits or private schools on MN.

I think it's ok if a mutual discussion but asking people outright for details like that is intrusive/nosy unless part of your friendship dynamic

We’ve been conditioned to think it is, to keep us all in the dark and uninformed.

It’s rude to talk direct figures, not rude to talk about how money works, what you do, strategies, investments, plans. To not do it is a form of gate keeping which is much more unpleasant attribute than rudeness.

@PotteringAboutIn its easy to deal with, just say ‘why do you want to know’

Isn't it all about "how" you have a conversation?

Ie it is rude to come straight out and ask how much your extension was. But, slightly different phrase could be "I'm thinking of a similar extension but don't know how much it's going to cost" - i.e. an "open" comment where the other person is free to say how much their's cost, or can not comment if they prefer.

I think it's the "direct" questions that are rude, but then again, you could say that about any subject matter, i.e. "what political party do you support?" which IS rude, but instead you could say, "I'm seriously thinking of voting Green next time" - again leaving it to the other person to comment or not.

There's a big difference between asking a direct question which may make the other person feel uncomfortable compared with a "comment" that invites the other person to comment or not.

Asking how much your stuff cost. No.
Asking your opinion about their finances or spends. Yes.
Asking if you invest in a stocks and shares ISA or a SIPP. Yes.
Asking how much your pension is worth. No.
Just nuance, some ££ chat is ok

Depends how it's phrased. "Do you mind me asking how much it cost?" when someone says they just got a quote for a new fence is reasonable if you're thinking of doing the same. "How much did you pay?" is rude.

But the "do you mind...." type of question is still direct and may make the other person feel pressured to answer. Far better to be vague and let them tell you if they want to.

Yes it is rude, but I don’t think the two examples you have given are rude at all.

How you coping financially with kids at uni? That’s fairly generic and warrants a generic answer such as ‘not too bad actually’ or ‘Bloody hell it’s crippling, his rent is X, his tuition fees are y’.

Same with an extension, we’re about to embark on building work and all of a sudden I’m genuinely interested in the cost of construction materials.

Salaries, savings, inheritance are all no go areas IMO though. These questions are harmless.

I had a neighbour like this who used to really offend me and also worked in sales where they used to ask you regularly about your bonus ie your worth, but it may be a class thing. I was taught to never ask about “what job you do”? as my nan said it was nosey but now I think 🤔 it’s maybe closing off opportunities from a naturally curious kid. If she’s being intrusive, then tell her as she might not realise. Easier said than done. Yes ask “why do you want to know”? With a smile. Or you could use it as an open door to ask her obtrusive questions! I bet she won’t like that! 😜

Depends if this person is asking because they need context for their own extension or have to start financing a child through university. Otherwise, it’s nosey. Oh, and how close a friend they are.

This.

it's rude if the person being asked questions about their finances finds it rude and intrusive and the person asking the questions doesn't respect that and back off.

No direct questions such as what was the ball park figure

Asking someone their income or whether they’re on benefits is always offensive.

Asking others about money is rude when you’re cagy about your own finances.

Asking relations about money on the grounds that ‘we’re family’ and close enough to share info is only ok if ‘we’re family’ extends to the odd moment of support.

Enquiring about circumstances of people in difficulty is only ever ok if you’ve got a cheque in your pocket for them.

Massively depends

DH and are generally fairly open about money. I think conversations about best interest rates, financial investments, house prices, mortgage rates and even salary are fine IF you know they other person is also comfortable with those topics AND it isn't bragging. I think it's also good to talk money with kids - pensions, investments and budgeting. Financial literacy is a skill.

I'm also make a thing of telling other female colleagues my salary - knowledge is power and women are well known for selling themselves short and accepting lower than their worth.

I have a friend who at every opportunity brings up money - the price of her house, her partners salary, the cost of their new car/ holiday etc. Constantly bragging about her household income. Now that is rude! In the 20 years I've known her I haven't spoken about my finances with her, until it became too much and she was gobsmacked that I earned more than her husband and DH earned double that. She's never mentioned money again.

So for me, it depends; generally it's fine, bragging is crass.

Ive got a friend thats always done this. It came to a head for me when she told somewone else my financiall info in frount of me. Shes on an 'info diet' now.

Yes, it’s considered rude to talk about money.

Having a general session about how much students need at uni has fine, especially if friends child’s about to start uni, and yours is already there. However, asking how you are finding it financially is a bit intrusive.

Also, asking how much an extension costs is a bit intrusive, unless they’re genuinely planning a similar extension.,