What is the point in relationships/marriage. They suck all of the fucking life out of you.

[ButterflyLounge]

Just that, context is too outing.

They're great if you're with the right person and make everything half the hassle. (It is very hard to find the right person)

No 'they' don't necessarily.

But I'm sorry if yours did, or is.

Mine doesn’t. Been with Dh 18 years. But I wouldn’t tolerate a relationship that did, which is why I don’t have one.

Only if you're in the wrong relationship.

The point is for your life to be enhanced and made easier and fun. If it's not doing that, end the relationship and enjoy the bliss of being single.

I’m sorry you’re in this position @ButterflyLounge . The right relationship does the opposite of suck the life out of you- my husband makes my life happier and easier. It’s not all relationships, just the wrong ones.

That a sign of a relationship that either need a lot work from both sides or more likely to be left far behing you.

I have familial relationships that leave me like this - ones I can not back out of - there you need emtional distance and strong boundaries.

If they suck the life out of you, you're in the wrong one.

Free yourself, op.

Aw, I bet OP is so gratified to see all the smug posters telling her that her relationship is shit while crowing about how theirs is super lovely smashing great. So kind.

OP, how can we help you - do you need support, signposting, information just to vent?

OP has it always been like this or have events caused it? Second the point about the smug comments, they’re not helpful and all relationships have their weak points over the years.

Hope you’re ok op. To be fair to dh life sucked the life out of both of us and wore him and me both down. I’m sad that the person who was always on my side, always there for me, who I laughed with nightly, who texted me when something happened we could chat about etc etc is now just a shadow as am I. It’s not marriage or all men, it’s just life- health, death, work, money, the lack of time to be anything close to who you are and the absence of the ability to compromise, communicate, enjoy for more than moments or take a breath anymore

I'm sorry OP. There's so much good advice that many of us didn't access until it was too late. I wish every woman had a good dad who could warn us/teach us how to get the best out of men (not in a using way, in a fair way)

Are there any details we could you help with that aren't too outing?

OP has asked what the point of relationships are as they are suck the life out of you. People are rightly saying that a good relationship doesn’t do that.

OP, hope you’re ok. Lots of women on mumsnet have great advice and sadly experience of escaping bad relationships. Ask for help if you need it. 💐

Yep. Men have fried my head.

We had a bad about 5 years where life just battered us when we could least deal with it - while I slowly realised we'd stopped laughing and doing things for DH or me - Dh was still a big support - I didn't feel life would be better without him just harder.

Not to say we always get on or that everything is perfect - and frankly with youngest not far of flying nest and menopause clearly not far off we do have challenges on horizon but I don't yet feel he sucks life out of me and if I did well I'd be unhappy about that dynamic and want changes.

Sorry if you are going through a difficult time. I hope you are able to make decisions that will improve your situation.

You know that normal healthy relationships aren't like this, you don't need us to keep telling you this

Marriage is a completely different issue though, and I agree there is absolutely no point! I am happy to be in a healthy relationship but would NEVER get married. I don't believe in it (not in a tooth fairy way, just I don't see how it would ever benefit me, and could only ever be detrimental)

OP, I have been in a terrible marriage, but after the divorce from hell, and kissing a few frogs, I have been very happy with my husband for over twenty years. My DH makes my life infinitely better, and I just feel so lucky to have been given a second chance. Of course there are always differences of opinion and bumps in the road, You do have to make an effort to appreciate each other, and not to slip into taking each other for granted. I know I’m very lucky, though.

Marriage is a completely different issue though, and I agree there is absolutely no point!

Marriage is a legal framework - it convey many legal rights that can often be replicate but often aren't- and depending on individuals situation can be hugely benefial or absolutely not.

If you have own assests and person you may marry doesn't it's often not in best interest to marry.

As long as people understand the difference legally between cohabiation and marriage I think that's fine - so often though especially younger women don't and get massively screwed especially if they have kids.

A good relationship should enhance your life. If it's not doing that then I agree it's not worth the time.

You shouldn't feel like that all the time if it's the right person.

I will occasionally think less than joyous thoughts about my DH (of 31 years), but he's also the man that I want to share the fun with, complain to, laugh with, support when he needs it and know that he will support me too. He's definitely my best friend and would not want to be without him.

Mother Nature arranges for men and women to get together so that they make babies and therefore the species continues. Have we got to a point where human beings can grow babies from conception to 9 months in test tubes, cutting out the sexual urge and the concommitant emotional hassle? Probably.

Bad ones do but im guessing right now you need a bit of support not a hundred posts of people telling you about their fabulous relationships.

X

OP, you're staying too long.

You are meant to enjoy the sweet romantic lovely bit at the start, but as soon he expects you to clean his loo, look after his child or wait around while he spends all weekend cycling, then you dump him and head for the hills.

Look for another sweet, lovely (if temporary) man. 😊

I just don’t think my frontal lobe had fully developed when we got together.. and I don’t think his had ever fully developed. I was young, late teens when we got together. He’s 10 years older than me.

Brought a house, had kids. I started to think about the things I want in life for me and the kids, he’s just not bothered by anything I would like, or would like for the kids. If it doesn’t suit him he just doesn’t care for it.

I just feel like we’re on two completely different pages recently and I can’t shake the horrible feeling that is dread, dread of living like this forever.

In my (anecdotal!) experience, this is really common in relationships where the woman was very young when they met a spouse who was 8+ years older. My mum fits into that category and has had a rough time with my father.

My close friend has recently divorced her husband who pursued her when she was 18 and he was 27. It was a tough marriage; she was subservient, didn’t have a say in any decisions, and he was abusive, financially and emotionally.

And I’ve known a good few more couples like this.

Do you have autonomy? Do you get an equal say? What happens if you challenge his decisions, or express disagreement? Do you modify your behaviour to please him?