Page 22 | People expecting lifts

DanceUnderStars · 2026-07-06T17:17:22+00:00

I do a hobby once a week with my daughter that we have to drive about 40 minutes to get to. My daughter lives with me and we share the driving. A new woman has joined the group about 3 months ago, who it turns out lives a 5 minutes drive from us, on our route to the hobby. She doesn’t drive and gets the bus to the group. She has now found out she lives near us and has asked if we can give her a lift. Neither of us want to do it as we don’t really like this woman and we also like having the time to have a good chat and catch up on the journey. Although we live together, with my husband and son as well, we are both busy so it’s nice to have that time each week to talk. We also occassionally don’t go straight to or home after the hobby, but most of the time we do. We have said no but are now getting some comments from other members of the group that it’s a shame we won’t help her. I have shut them down and changed the subject but people keep suggesting we should help her and we are being unreasonable. She started the group knowing she’d have to use public transport so I don’t really have much sympathy, I’m pissed off with the comments. Last week when we walked in, a group including this woman were talking about the possibility of us giving her a lift with one woman saying she doesn’t see why we won’t. It’s really awkward. How would you handle it? We have said no, explained we like to use it as a catch up, we don’t always go straight to and from the hobby, but they’re still going on about it.

ThreadGuardDog · 07/07/2026 20:53

littlemousebigcheese · 07/07/2026 17:24

I would give her a lift, Jesus wept. A disabled woman and child catching a bus to get to a place you’re already going to? I hope someone would offer in a situation like this, and it’s brave she asked. Not sure how she’s a cf. she might not have been bitching, maybe just mentioned it or someone said doesn’t x live by you?

There is no child. OP shares her car with her DD. The woman in question gets the bus alone. The fact that she is disabled is totally irrelevant, because she signed up for an activity that she knew was a substantial bus ride away right from the start. So she has no problem using the bus. She’s a CF because she won’t take no for an answer and uses her disability to try to guilt OP into changing her mind, to the point where other activity members have pressured OP on her behalf.

If disabled people are ever to be properly integrated into society and have true independence they need to stop pulling manipulative shit like this. It gets people’s backs up and it perpetuates the myth that all disabled people are CF’s.

kongfumouse · 07/07/2026 20:59

ThreadGuardDog · 07/07/2026 20:53

There is no child. OP shares her car with her DD. The woman in question gets the bus alone. The fact that she is disabled is totally irrelevant, because she signed up for an activity that she knew was a substantial bus ride away right from the start. So she has no problem using the bus. She’s a CF because she won’t take no for an answer and uses her disability to try to guilt OP into changing her mind, to the point where other activity members have pressured OP on her behalf.

If disabled people are ever to be properly integrated into society and have true independence they need to stop pulling manipulative shit like this. It gets people’s backs up and it perpetuates the myth that all disabled people are CF’s.

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What? There is no child? My reading comprehension has let me down. The woman is a random person and demands a lift with mother and child she doesn't know?
😂😂😂😂😂😂
She must be suffering from delusions. Bad enough to suggest it as a lift share for her dc but most people would not invite some random adult fucker to share a car ride for 80 min with their child . Like why? She is delulu.

SheilaFentiman · 07/07/2026 21:02

Baconrollplease · 07/07/2026 20:50

I dunno. It feels abit mean to dislike someone for no valid reason.

i can see that’s not what the op is doing in this case, but yeah.

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We are all free to dislike someone for any reason or none.

Obviously we shouldn’t be rude to or mistreat such a someone, but if someone doesn’t like me because there was a horrible girl at school called Sheila too, then that’s her prerogative.

If that’s not allowed to be the case, then things have come to a sorry pass.

SheilaFentiman · 07/07/2026 21:04

The OP has a DD who is at uni and who shares the driving; that’s the only child in the scenario and so is more of a young adult.

ThreadGuardDog · 07/07/2026 21:10

Beachbeach · 07/07/2026 10:36

Agree! Gosh people really don’t look out for each other these days?
it’s so nice in a community to have each others backs especially those less fortunate

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How is this woman less fortunate ? She has the means to join the hobby group - it’s not essential so clearly there is no problem with her using the bus. She knew the group was a substantial bus ride away. It has nothing to do with a sense of community and everything to do with the difference between offering help to someone genuinely in difficulty and someone who thinks that it’s fine and dandy to use their disability to guilt trip others into giving them what they want. It’s cheeky and it’s entitled.

Shelleyblueeyes · 07/07/2026 21:19

dancingdeidre · 06/07/2026 18:48

How about offering to take her home but not pick her up? You would still have half the journey time on your own and dropping off is less hassle than having to leave home early to collect her.
Obviously you don't have to, but you don't know what is going on for her either and it might mean a lot.

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Good idea.

kkloo · 07/07/2026 21:24

If disabled people are ever to be properly integrated into society and have true independence they need to stop pulling manipulative shit like this. It gets people’s backs up and it perpetuates the myth that all disabled people are CF’s.

@ThreadGuardDog
Who believes that?

The woman in this story is a CF but if anyone uses stories like that to say that all disabled people are CF then it says far more about them than it does about disabled people.

WreckThatTrain · 07/07/2026 21:32

I would just be saying we rarely leave from home or go straight home so it isn't practical and leave it at that.
I don't mind helping people as a one off but not a permanent commitment because it does restrict when you leave and that you go straight there and back again and that you attend every week.
I don't like getting into those commitments that end up controlling my enjoyment of an activity.

Blondeshavemorefun · 07/07/2026 21:34

I’m torn on this. Part of me thinks give her a lift every now and again home after the class

you still get your drive there every week to chat

But then the way she went round it and snide talking behind your backs would make me say no

how was it this evening @DanceUnderStars

Rondayvu · 07/07/2026 21:35

Shelleyblueeyes · 07/07/2026 21:19

Good idea.

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So the op should be mindful in case the cf has other things going on but the cf has every right to bag a lift and infiltrate on the ops and her daughters time together? Christ no. I was a doormat for people for years and I have a hundred stories i could tell so no I just say no it does not work for me and that is it.

Shelleyblueeyes · 07/07/2026 21:39

Rondayvu · 07/07/2026 21:35

So the op should be mindful in case the cf has other things going on but the cf has every right to bag a lift and infiltrate on the ops and her daughters time together? Christ no. I was a doormat for people for years and I have a hundred stories i could tell so no I just say no it does not work for me and that is it.

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I hear you but it's clearly bothering the OP who feels she may not be able to say that hence the question on here.

It's just another option.
X

godmum56 · 07/07/2026 21:54

I don't think I'd leave the class. I don't think that CF's of any description should stop other people doing what they want to do.

OneLimePombear · 07/07/2026 21:59

Shelleyblueeyes · 07/07/2026 21:19

Good idea.

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Terrible idea because the OP doesn’t want to.

People can’t go around insisting on lifts especially from others that they hardly know.

ThreadGuardDog · 07/07/2026 22:02

kkloo · 07/07/2026 21:24

If disabled people are ever to be properly integrated into society and have true independence they need to stop pulling manipulative shit like this. It gets people’s backs up and it perpetuates the myth that all disabled people are CF’s.

@ThreadGuardDog
Who believes that?

The woman in this story is a CF but if anyone uses stories like that to say that all disabled people are CF then it says far more about them than it does about disabled people.

I’ve seen it over the course of twenty odd years working as a disability outreach worker. As a disabled person I’ve also felt the effects of it. And you only have to look at the average thread on benefits on MN to know that one story about CFery on the part of a disabled person is enough to elicit a slew of responses intimating that all disabled people take the piss.

In the present political climate it’s becoming more and more prevalent. A prime example was when I was working in a city centre. I’m in a wheelchair and most days popped out to do shopping or grab a sandwich at lunchtime. Couldn’t tell you the number of people who assumed that I didn’t work and some were very vocal in their mistaken assumption that I was, as one charming person in a sandwich shop queue put it, a ‘lazy fucker living off the benefits us tax payers provide’. At the time I was working long hours and was a higher rate tax payer. But mud sticks.

Moreholidaysthanjudithchalmers · 07/07/2026 22:04

I also just wouldn’t leave a class I’d enjoyed for 2 years with my daughter over it. Presumably there isn’t a closer suitable class or Op wouldn’t be driving 40 mins each way to it.

GimmieABreakOr3 · 07/07/2026 22:05

ThreadGuardDog · 07/07/2026 22:02

I’ve seen it over the course of twenty odd years working as a disability outreach worker. As a disabled person I’ve also felt the effects of it. And you only have to look at the average thread on benefits on MN to know that one story about CFery on the part of a disabled person is enough to elicit a slew of responses intimating that all disabled people take the piss.

In the present political climate it’s becoming more and more prevalent. A prime example was when I was working in a city centre. I’m in a wheelchair and most days popped out to do shopping or grab a sandwich at lunchtime. Couldn’t tell you the number of people who assumed that I didn’t work and some were very vocal in their mistaken assumption that I was, as one charming person in a sandwich shop queue put it, a ‘lazy fucker living off the benefits us tax payers provide’. At the time I was working long hours and was a higher rate tax payer. But mud sticks.

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That’s really sad. I’m sorry you had to experience that. You didn’t deserve that.

godmum56 · 07/07/2026 22:06

ThreadGuardDog · 07/07/2026 22:02

I’ve seen it over the course of twenty odd years working as a disability outreach worker. As a disabled person I’ve also felt the effects of it. And you only have to look at the average thread on benefits on MN to know that one story about CFery on the part of a disabled person is enough to elicit a slew of responses intimating that all disabled people take the piss.

In the present political climate it’s becoming more and more prevalent. A prime example was when I was working in a city centre. I’m in a wheelchair and most days popped out to do shopping or grab a sandwich at lunchtime. Couldn’t tell you the number of people who assumed that I didn’t work and some were very vocal in their mistaken assumption that I was, as one charming person in a sandwich shop queue put it, a ‘lazy fucker living off the benefits us tax payers provide’. At the time I was working long hours and was a higher rate tax payer. But mud sticks.

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its like the Blue Badge abuse thing. Terrible.

AnyDayNowChuckJacksonNSoul · 07/07/2026 22:13

OneLimePombear · 06/07/2026 18:55

Giving Josie a lift doesn’t work for us.

That's it no convoluted explanations.
It's not happening ..end of discussion.

ThreadGuardDog · 07/07/2026 22:22

godmum56 · 07/07/2026 22:06

its like the Blue Badge abuse thing. Terrible.

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Yep. The problem, as with disability benefits, is that those who take the mick make it much harder for genuinely disabled people to access services meant to make their lives easier.

desperatemum1234 · 07/07/2026 22:23

We don’t have a car, so we walk, take public transport and ubers. We would never expect anyone to give us a lift anywhere. I’m sorry you are experiencing this OP, it’s completely unfair.

pastadish · 07/07/2026 22:28

So now I’m invested in this lift art class saga and need the op to comeback and tell me what happened in the class tonight

Zov · 07/07/2026 23:07

LetsLook · 07/07/2026 18:35

If the woman had been polite and was asking for an occasional lift, she may have had better luck. Instead she expects a lift every week and didn’t even ask in a polite way.

My mum got stuck years ago giving someone a lift every day to work. They agreed my mum would pick her up at the end of the other woman’s road which was a 5 minute walk for the woman. The woman started off waiting at the end of the road on time when my mum came, but gradually she’d be later and later with my mum having to wait. The woman kept pushing for my mum to pick her up from her house saying she wouldn’t be late then, cheeky cow. When she made my mum late for work the second time my mum refused to do it anymore. The woman tried to turn people against my mum and it turned really unpleasant. My mum was a real people pleaser and it affected her a lot.
Give these types an inch….

I believe this 100%.

Had it happen to me. Several times. (In the dim and distant past.) I'm sorry it happened to your mum.

One of the times it was a couple of mums at the school who used me to take their DD to school (secondary.) 12-13 years old they all were (incl my 2 DC) and we all lived 2.5 to 3 miles from the school. These 2 girls got the bus - 30 minute ride, and I took my DC (5 minute drive.)

The 2 girls (who lived half a mile closer than us,) managed to blag a lift somehow, and I spent 6 months taking them to school and back (October to April,) even picking them up at their house. (2 different houses, a few minutes walk apart.)

One girl started asking me to take her to her gran's house after school for the next few months as her mum wasn't in til 6pm for a while, but her gran was 2.5 miles away - in the opposite direction! So I was doing an extra 5 miles a day dropping this girl off. I did this for a few weeks, then made an excuse that I can't do it any longer because I have to pick up my DC's 2 cousins from another secondary school and take them to their nan's til their mum comes home and there's no room in the car for 6 children, so I can't give any more lifts. The girls said OK. (It was a lie.)

By the end of the week, I had been labelled a lying selfish cunt (all over Facebook, and all over the school gate mafia) by the mums of these 2 girls, who had apparently dropped these 2 girls right in it! (I hadn't because the buses still ran!) The 2 mums stopped talking to me, and turned 5 or 6 of the others against me, embellishing the tale and saying I had abandoned them after school in the middle of nowhere and they had to walk 3 miles home.

Like with your mum it was a dark time and pretty horrible. The bullying from these women went on for about half a year. Only stopped when one of the girls and one of the mums left the area. They (and the 5 or 6 other mums) didn't start speaking to me again, they just ignored me. The girls fell out with my DC but they just ignored one another, (weren't even in the same class.) My DC - a year apart in age - leaving secondary school, was one of the best days of my life!

.

Delladuck · 08/07/2026 00:14

Zov · 07/07/2026 23:07

I believe this 100%.

Had it happen to me. Several times. (In the dim and distant past.) I'm sorry it happened to your mum.

One of the times it was a couple of mums at the school who used me to take their DD to school (secondary.) 12-13 years old they all were (incl my 2 DC) and we all lived 2.5 to 3 miles from the school. These 2 girls got the bus - 30 minute ride, and I took my DC (5 minute drive.)

The 2 girls (who lived half a mile closer than us,) managed to blag a lift somehow, and I spent 6 months taking them to school and back (October to April,) even picking them up at their house. (2 different houses, a few minutes walk apart.)

One girl started asking me to take her to her gran's house after school for the next few months as her mum wasn't in til 6pm for a while, but her gran was 2.5 miles away - in the opposite direction! So I was doing an extra 5 miles a day dropping this girl off. I did this for a few weeks, then made an excuse that I can't do it any longer because I have to pick up my DC's 2 cousins from another secondary school and take them to their nan's til their mum comes home and there's no room in the car for 6 children, so I can't give any more lifts. The girls said OK. (It was a lie.)

By the end of the week, I had been labelled a lying selfish cunt (all over Facebook, and all over the school gate mafia) by the mums of these 2 girls, who had apparently dropped these 2 girls right in it! (I hadn't because the buses still ran!) The 2 mums stopped talking to me, and turned 5 or 6 of the others against me, embellishing the tale and saying I had abandoned them after school in the middle of nowhere and they had to walk 3 miles home.

Like with your mum it was a dark time and pretty horrible. The bullying from these women went on for about half a year. Only stopped when one of the girls and one of the mums left the area. They (and the 5 or 6 other mums) didn't start speaking to me again, they just ignored me. The girls fell out with my DC but they just ignored one another, (weren't even in the same class.) My DC - a year apart in age - leaving secondary school, was one of the best days of my life!

.

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I had something similar but babysitting not a lift

I used to be a massive people pleaser (not anymore!) and one of the mums at work mentioned she was struggling for someone to have her youngest while she worked one Monday

I offered as I had the day off and she accepted-no money changed hands and she dropped him off/picked him up

Somehow,within a month,I was walking 2 miles to pick him up from our work every monday/tuesday(she told our boss not to put me down for monday/tuesday shifts),going home,feeding him (which cost me a fortune),walking the 3 miles to her house,picking up his brother,waiting for his siblings to come home,cooking their dinner and then dad would walk in,no 'thank you' just grunts and I'd walk home again (all unpaid,not even covering the cost of feeding them/nappies/wipes etc)

More than once she dumped all 4 on my doorstep in the holidays/she was going on a night out

I'd had enough and told her to sort herself out-id offered as a one off,not every week until they'd left home

She went nuclear-slagged me off to every single person we knew-about 3/4 (who had been telling me I was a mug) turned on me,vague fb stauses and caused endless problems at work and our boss (who's arse she'd been kissing for months) tried to haul me in for a warning (I said I'd take legal action if he tried and he did back off while looking for any excuse he could find to give me a warning)

She also tried to tell everyone I'd tried to lure her husband into bed but he'd turned me down-that was a big fat lie (thankfully my dp believed me)

It caused so much stress,i almost had a breakdown-her childcare had become my problem and I was in the wrong for not sorting it out for her (dad was one of those where childcare was 'a womans' job and he'd only have them for half an hour or so until she walked in)

I'll never babysit again unless it's for my dgd or my very dear friends dc (who i adore)

Looking back,I'm amazed at how i was sucked in but she knew what she was doing from the first time of having him

I'll never be that mug again-its a firm 'no' unless I want to do it

kkloo · 08/07/2026 00:42

ThreadGuardDog · 07/07/2026 22:02

I’ve seen it over the course of twenty odd years working as a disability outreach worker. As a disabled person I’ve also felt the effects of it. And you only have to look at the average thread on benefits on MN to know that one story about CFery on the part of a disabled person is enough to elicit a slew of responses intimating that all disabled people take the piss.

In the present political climate it’s becoming more and more prevalent. A prime example was when I was working in a city centre. I’m in a wheelchair and most days popped out to do shopping or grab a sandwich at lunchtime. Couldn’t tell you the number of people who assumed that I didn’t work and some were very vocal in their mistaken assumption that I was, as one charming person in a sandwich shop queue put it, a ‘lazy fucker living off the benefits us tax payers provide’. At the time I was working long hours and was a higher rate tax payer. But mud sticks.

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Thanks for sharing. I didn't realise so many people were like that.

That person in the sandwich shop was just a dickhead though, but I still maintain that even a disabled person who is a cheeky fucker isn't to blame for that persons ignorant attitude.

kongfumouse · 08/07/2026 07:20

Thanks for sharing. I didn't realise so many people were like that.
I’ve met many of them over the years. I genuinely believe some people go through life looking for any opportunity to take resources from others. They operate like biological parasites draining the energy and resources of people while offering nothing in return. It's a way of life for some.

It is lovely to share and help each other. But Takers exist and they are never a pretty sight.