Repeating Yr 1 - experiences of explaining to child?

[WildPine]

My DS is at a lovely supportive school in London. He is August born and though working at an expected level he has struggled with reading - phonics in terms of his enjoyment and confidence since the move up from reception, and bubbled just under the average. He took a massive confidence knock right at the start of Year 1 seeing how much more advanced other children were, particularly the girls, that he decided reading and writing just wasn’t for him and gave up. He would much rather be playing.

he has started attempting to refuse school, hiding in his wardrobe and getting very upset each morning. The drop offs have been awful and hard with his crying and not wanting to go in. Staff have been great but I’m so worried about this. We are always encouraging a love of learning and books etc so it’s heartbreaking to see. Since January most mornings have been full of upset.

His school operates a Danish model in year 1 so there is still a great deal of play-based learning, but come Year 2 it goes back to traditional classroom learning.

The Head has suggested DS might benefit from repeating Yr 1, to give him the chance to continue in the play-based environment for another year and crucially to feel like he is one of the more advanced in the class- gain more confidence in his abilities - as he does tend to compare and compete with others despite us trying to teach him otherwise.

Overall we think the decision could really benefit him. The school is very supportive and say they do this quite a few times each year for all sorts of reasons to support the child, not only in cases of SEN. (We don’t suspect SEN at this stage). They would also help with secondary applications when the time came to alleviate any knock on issues and seem very relaxed about it.

So in terms of his learning and confidence we think it could work well. I think he would really be boosted by feeling as if he was as good as most of the class at phonics and even “knew more” than some kids - just the way his mind works. What we now need to think about is how to explain it to our DS. He can be very sensitive and proud and we don’t want him to get a whiff of “not being good enough / clever enough” vibes from this.

Has anyone else’s DC repeated Year 1, and if so what was your experience and how did you explain it to the child?

Didn’t repeat it but my DD had a shocking year 1. She’s ok now in year 5 but it was horrible. If she had repeated I would’ve probably said that the school decided that it was unfair that she was in the ‘wrong’ year group and should’ve been in year below all along. I might’ve asked her to help out with the new year 1s as she’s more experienced at school as that would’ve appealed to her sense of being nurturing. Best of luck with it all and I hope your DS starts to enjoy school more next year

Thank you

Maybe explain because he hasn’t seemed to like it very much the school/teacher really want him to try and enjoy it again and this is his second chance at enjoying it….

Really tricky situation. Good luck

If the school are supportive and have facilitated this before, I would consult with his teacher about the best way to frame this for your DS so he doesn't feel 'left behind' by his old class. It might be something as simple as saying that some children, when they are the youngest in the class, do 2 years in Yr1 and some older children just do one year. As long as you don't say it's because he's behind in his schoolwork I think he will be ok. I hope it all goes well for him 💐

It is all very well for the primary school to say they will help with the transfer to secondary school when the time comes but really by then they are passing the buck. The trend for holding back summer born children especially boys is beginning to grow especially amongst more affluent parents who can afford another year of nursery or to finance an extra year of 'childhood' but we are beginning to see the other end of the age spectrum and it is not all positive.

Stories of 18 year olds starting year 13 who can legally quit at any time because their parents cannot legally force them to continue. Boys seeing their 18 year old friends off to university and then it is really hard to convince them that the reason they have another year of school is because at the age of 4 or 5 the parents decided they were not ready for the next year. That is much more confidence knocking.

My friends went through this with their son and it has destroyed their relationship. The son has nothing to do with his parents because he feels they were trying to cheat the system. He could never play sport wirh his class because he was too old for the cohort and he is good at sport so could never be snook into a team with his classmates.

The OP says that her son is meeting expectations, so he is not even behind. I'd say don't think of the situation now, look forward 10 years.

Is it a private school?. I find it very hard to believe that a state school head would advocate keeping back a child who is working at expected level as you state in the OP. Are you sure they just dont want an extra year of fees from you?

I agree with PP. You need to think long term - unless he is young in the age group, it's going to be very hard to be hitting puberty and other milestones ahead of his peer group.

I'm also confused as to why the head thinks this will be so beneficial. Your child is unhappy now when he is in the supposedly better play based environment, so why will making him repeat it help? It's not as though Year 2 is all about sitting at desks and learning in a terribly formal way - there will still be a lot of opportunity to play and learn in a more informal way. Unless this is a private school, with a more rigid way of doing things, in which case, perhaps the question you should be asking is whether it is the right school for him at all?

Good post @MyTealOP

He’s working at the expected level but they want to keep him back to boost his confidence so he’s at the top of the class?

Is there no concern that this might backfire as he will be aware that his contemporaries will be going up to year two but he won’t be? Won’t the new year ones say that ‘Jim is really good at reading because he has been in year one before’?

I’m not particularly against holding children back but to do so because the school think he needs more confidence seems drastic. Surely there are other ways.

The only time I believe it is right to hold a child back is if they are born in August but were due in October or November. I know a family where their child was born at 26 weeks gestation. She is now thriving but at age just 4 she was just not quite ready to start school and had she been born on or around her due date she would have been a solidly 'autumn term' baby.

We deferred my august DS into reception, no SEN or other issues but my husband was an August child and always struggled with being immature in the year. I wouldn't advocate it for every child but for some children more time is beneficial.

We are not affluent by any stretch of the imagination, and the point about sports is incorrect too.

IF you think it would benefit him just do it and call it a bonus year.

In my experience, children aren’t silly. They (and the parents) will very quickly figure out that someone should be in the year group above and it will be pointed out - and the child will very likely have an understanding of the true reason for repeating the year no matter what reasons they are told.
How will it work if he ends up being ‘less able’ than some of the Year 1 children? From the sounds of it, this could be likely to happen due to his school refusal and his already low self-esteem and motivation. This will surely be worse for his self-esteem. I don’t think repeating the year is the answer.

Sorry, but you are wrong about sport. Some sports do allow children to play 'overage' but for the safety of all children there are regulations about playing matches against other schools etc. It comes down to insurance.
If there were no age limits on teams, some schools would deliberately play children who were older and more talented in lower age fixtures to get a win. It has been raised on this forum many times so I have not made it up. The OP should just be aware that there may be long term unexpected consequences of defering her son. She should be aware if them and be ready to answer questions from her son in years to come.

I’d phrase it as a choice that you, and he, are making together. That he doesn’t get the final say but that he is sensible enough that you will listen to his input.

The benefits of staying in year 1 are more playing, less sitting at desks, and he’ll be one of the oldest in the class. Plus he’ll have the chance to make some new friends. And is likely to be one of the best in the class, because he’s so good at his phonics now - loads better than in September.

The negatives are that he will mainly see his current friends at break time, because you think that most other families will choose more learning and less play.

Try and sufficiently weigh the decision that he chooses to stay in yr 1.

rhe Reality is harsh here. You quite literally ARE holding him back because he’s not doing as academically well as the others. Frame it how you like and you might get away with it at 6yo. But I have no idea how you would manage to explain it to an older child who will only see that the only way they can keep up was to be with younger children. I can’t think of anything more confidence damaging personally.
also, if this is a private school, remember that unlike state schools, they are a business and businesses want to make as much money as possible.

I would consult the school on the best way to frame it for your DS. They'll be far better placed to advise than any of us are.

My DD got put up a year (international school), but wasn’t ready socially/emotionally, so she has had to go down a year and is now repeating reception. We just told her they made a mistake and that she gets the same teacher again this year. It helps that she loves her teacher.

But if, as a number of posters suspect, it is a private school, there is also a financial motive for the school to defer him because they get another year of fees. Not exactly neutral position is it?

Absolutely agree with this. Deferring is entirely front loaded. The other problem is you are ‘using up’ your one free year. Both my dds have had children in their class who had to repeat year 11, both due to illness, I’m not sure they’re allowed at school doing alevels when they’re 20.

Theres no way its a state school. A state school cannot and would just hold back a child who isn't even academically behind, because that child would be happier doing more playing.

OP i would not even consider this, your child isnt even particularly behind. It would be the quickest way to make them feel left behind and a failure!!

RE sports it is true, the FA (along with many other sporting bodies) have a dispensation policy on it, all you need is a note from the head to let them know what cohort they are educated in.

"The Policy enables children with a disability, Significant Physical Development Delay (SPDD), or who are schooled no more than one year behind the age group prescribed by their date of birth (their “prescribed age group”) to play football outside of their prescribed age group."

From the policy

I don't think the OP is asking our opinion on holding him back, rather how to tell him that it's happening. I believe a school that do this regularly (regardless of motive) who knows the child will be better able to advise on this than random strangers from the internet who don't know the school or the child.

But I'm happy to agree to disagree on that if you feel differently.

I’m a PE teacher. The point about sports is absolutely correct if you are picked in school teams you have to play with your correct cohort against other teams, for obvious reasons. Some schools do cheat, but most don’t. School PE lessons are obvo fine.

Given the school have freely admitted they do this every year I can't help but think it is entirely to do with the extra fees they will gain than in the best interest of the children involved.

Holding him back when he is working at the expected level sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. I would in all honesty find a new school better able to support your child.

I had a child like this. He’s 13 now, but despite being very bright, he just never felt good enough compared to the kids who were nearly a year older.

It took until year 9 for him to finally stop crying and shouting about going to school. This year has been incredible by comparison.

I always wished I’d put him in a year later but wasn’t supported by the school or preschool.

Id say as you have what looks to be a very supportive school. I’d go for it. I’m not sure exactly, but phrase it in a way that he’s there as he’s be able to show the other children how to do things, or that they can do it too, as he’s done so well?

My son does have adhd and dyslexia, but this hatred of school and not feeling enough blighted a lot of it.

My niece on the other hand is an August born and is flying. Each child is so different aren’t they.

@MyTealOP @arethereanyleftatall The child in question is August born so is only a few weeks younger than many of the kids who will be starting Y1 and were born in September or October. So won’t turn 18 until after he leaves school.