Repeating Yr 1 - experiences of explaining to child?

[WildPine]

My DS is at a lovely supportive school in London. He is August born and though working at an expected level he has struggled with reading - phonics in terms of his enjoyment and confidence since the move up from reception, and bubbled just under the average. He took a massive confidence knock right at the start of Year 1 seeing how much more advanced other children were, particularly the girls, that he decided reading and writing just wasn’t for him and gave up. He would much rather be playing.

he has started attempting to refuse school, hiding in his wardrobe and getting very upset each morning. The drop offs have been awful and hard with his crying and not wanting to go in. Staff have been great but I’m so worried about this. We are always encouraging a love of learning and books etc so it’s heartbreaking to see. Since January most mornings have been full of upset.

His school operates a Danish model in year 1 so there is still a great deal of play-based learning, but come Year 2 it goes back to traditional classroom learning.

The Head has suggested DS might benefit from repeating Yr 1, to give him the chance to continue in the play-based environment for another year and crucially to feel like he is one of the more advanced in the class- gain more confidence in his abilities - as he does tend to compare and compete with others despite us trying to teach him otherwise.

Overall we think the decision could really benefit him. The school is very supportive and say they do this quite a few times each year for all sorts of reasons to support the child, not only in cases of SEN. (We don’t suspect SEN at this stage). They would also help with secondary applications when the time came to alleviate any knock on issues and seem very relaxed about it.

So in terms of his learning and confidence we think it could work well. I think he would really be boosted by feeling as if he was as good as most of the class at phonics and even “knew more” than some kids - just the way his mind works. What we now need to think about is how to explain it to our DS. He can be very sensitive and proud and we don’t want him to get a whiff of “not being good enough / clever enough” vibes from this.

Has anyone else’s DC repeated Year 1, and if so what was your experience and how did you explain it to the child?

The comments that there might still be someone ahead of him and how will that make him feel, are extremely salient.

the difference between the top pupil and bottom pupil in any class is insane. You will absolutely get 5 year olds who can read Harry Potter and do the basics of the maths foundation GCSE paper. It is extremely likely if he repeats that someone possibly 5 years old to his 7, will be ahead of him. That will be horrible for your ds especially given the reason for his lack of confidence now.

op, your responses on this thread have suggested that you believe anyone not saying ‘yes, repeat’ is not child led. The opposite is true. It is only thinking about the child when it is said ‘please don’t do this to him.’

It is only likely he’s top of the class in year 1 because he’s done it before. No guarantee he will continue to be top just because he’s older. He will know he’s repeated a year. What if he’s still just average?

when my youngest (birthday 30/8) started at primary, we lived in an area where keeping your summer child back a school year was something quite a lot of people were doing. Some children thrived from doing it and for others it didn’t seem to help a great deal. The big difference seemed to be whether people were looking to address readiness for their year (ie if they were finding the learning difficult, or felt they just weren’t quite ready for school) or if they had an introverted/shy child they imagined would have a personality change in a year. I think only you can know in your gut if this is the right thing to do for your child; if you feel that they will benefit from the extra year, then it’s quite a common thing to do (and not just in London!) I think there are a couple of things to consider

I would also say if there is a possibility that attending a grammar/selective school might be an option for your child, it is not true to say that it will help the transition to secondary keeping him back a year. The rules may not be the same for every area, but it is very difficult to sit the 11+ if you are not in your birth cohort year at school where I live

if you feel that they will benefit from the extra year, then it’s quite a common thing to do

You're right to say that deferring a reception place for a summer born child isn't unusual, and it's definitely more common in certain areas. However, it's incredibly unusual for a child who already attends school to repeat a year, especially if they're at the expected standard.

Comments like these are just so out of touch with the reality of current primary schools. You’re an adult, so your experience of school is completely irrelevant - back then, it would have been almost unheard of for a child to be in a different school year. Now, it is an option that is available to every summer born child (1 April birthdays onwards), and increasing numbers of parents are taking up that option. There are 2 deferred kids in my son’s year 3 class and 4 in my daughter’s reception class. (Neither of my kids are deferred btw).

For kids growing up today, it will be a normal, accepted part of life that some children could have been the youngest in the year above but instead are the oldest in the year they are in. For those children, they are not “a year behind”, they’re in most cases a matter of weeks or days older than the oldest child in the right year group. And it’s also far better for the child to be the first of their peers to learn to drive/drink etc etc than the last.

Yes, more and more schools don’t do this now. Whole class phonics and phonics interventions and support during the phonics lessons is how a lot of schools manage phonics nowadays.

@Sideofnoreturn But this child has already started school. He probably has friends within the cohort and is established in the class. He’s very obviously being kept down with younger dc. In my view, for very unclear reasons. He’s working at expected so what’s the issue? He’s now being asked to make new friends and see his previous friends sail on without him. That’s not kind and it’s not necessary. Many state schools would keep 90% of dc back on this logic. If the child needed a later start, then why wasn’t YR delayed? Or YR repeated? Why now? There are other reasons for this and it’s not about the child, it’s about the teaching quality and willingness to differentiate work for differing abilities and needs.

What this is really about is the school not wanting to bother with his needs in y2. He might be in with brighter dc and this school is just hiving him off because he’s young and maybe not doing as well as the majority. This means the teacher gets an easy ride. Standard lesson plans and standard work handed out. However the needs of the teacher must be balanced against the need of DS for stability and continuation of friendships.

August born boys can be a bit behind but a private school gives a great opportunity to close this gap really quickly as he’s got the benefit of small classes and should get a more bespoke curriculum. Instead of that, the school is saying none of that will be attempted and I think that’s unprofessional.

The cynic in me wonders if another dc is coming into y2 and they are making space. It’s probably got a money aspect too!

I would honestly not make a drama of it.

Give him a simple reason : because you’re the youngest in your class, you’re allowed to do year 1 again as you are still only 5. You will be able to help all your new year 1 classmates settle in since you know how year 1 works. In Year 2 you have to sit still and do a lot more learning, so it will be really nice to do year 1 again and have extra playtime to spend with your new friends.”

Does school do a Transition Day when they visit next years classroom and teacher? I think I’d conveniently have a tummy bug for him that day.

Also give him the words to use with his current classmates “I’m staying in year 1 because I’m still only 4. I will be 5 years old so that means I’m a year 1.”

@Sideofnoreturn I was just offering an honest firsthand experience as a child, rather than a parent, as I said in my post. Your experience clearly relates to younger children - I was just expressing the impact for an older child, which can be significant.

My point is that your experience for older kids is completely irrelevant as the context is now completely different.

@Sideofnoreturn It’s a continuation of being in a younger cohort. Plus when does dc enter secondary? At 12 or 11. That does matter.

@MeetMeOnTheCorner there may well be legitimate reasons why this isn’t a good idea (the reasons you’ve identified included).

But the idea that he’s going to feel shame or face stigma for being “held back” as a teen is not a legitimate reason, because for his peers, the idea that summer borns might be in a different year will be normal. So many posters here are projecting based on their own experience without realising that things are different now.

I hadn’t really considered Covid as being the cause but it does make sense. In DS’s class, other than the deferred child, there is only 1 child who turned 5 before Christmas.

I agree there is no difference between a child born in Aug or Sept however in DS’s class there is a child who turns 6 next week while the majority of the class are still 4. The age difference is very apparent. The older child looks totally out of place as they are over a year older than the majority of the other children. I know the parent of the older child now massively regrets their decision to defer for a year.

Having said that it is a single class year group and may well not be typical elsewhere.

@NemoNerd He’s not 4! He will be 6 shortly! He’s not gojng to school to help the others, who probably won’t need it or relish it. Lying is not the best way forward and most dc would not buy that. Theres no dressing up being kept down and that’s why state schools don’t do it. They make sure dc get suitable work in the correct year group after dc have done 2 years with their cohort!

My goddaughter was due in August but born on 1 Sept. She is in the correct school year and starts secondary this year on 3rd Sept, when she will be 12. Why is this ok but a child turning 12 on 31st August (1 day earlier) will face terrible stigma? It’s completely arbitrary and nonsensical.

This. Make it clear it's his and your choice, not the school.
Also, look up redshirting, it's what the Americans call it. Coming from another school system where kids are frequently held back, and also moved ahead a year, I don't see the issue, as he is August born. Much better this than starting his schooling on the wrong foot and struggling all through primary school.

It’s not a private school.

I’m not sure people are being defensive - they’re expressing surprise and concern at the plan, rather than answering your original question about how to explain the plan.

A lot of us have direct personal experience of holding kids back a year, or looking into it, or working with kids who were held back, and so we have a decent awareness of the issues that this decision could cause you.

Mumsnet tends to be a fairly spirited debate, rather than a place to get unquestioning support for your decisions!

If the kid was so unhappy and disengaged during Year 1 last year, it’s hard to see how he’d view another journey through it as positive.

@clary it was about 5 years ago and he missed y7. He did go to a specialist secondary school, so for him missing a year didn't make much difference if he had stayed in mainstream we would have chosen to miss y6 or fought to stay in his higher year.

A child in my DC’s class repeated reception. It was the right decision for him. I think more children could actually benefit from repeating a year or moving up a year tbh. There were a couple of younger kids in preschool who were born mid academic year the previous year, so did two years instead of one before they became school age. It was fine.

@EndlessTreadmill He’s not starting. He’s completing y1. He’s nearly 6. I cannot see how one child being left behind in y1 is not humiliating. It’s a lazy school. If he was not ready, his start in YR could have been delayed but it wasn’t. He’s now presumably got friends. He will notice. He’s also working at expected! He’s not even struggling!

My friend did exactly this with her son. It all worked out very well for the first few years. Sadly he went into puberty early for his age and this created an unexpected gap between him and his friends. What was a good idea at 6, wasn’t a good idea at 12. During his teen years he was clearly older than everyone else and he was lonely

He’s18 now