Help me leave this WhatsApp group!

[Highlandschmiland]

I’ve ended up in a WhatsApp group of consisting of 4 women. We used to work together and 2 of us have since moved on to other workplaces. We had an fab night out when I left, invited the whole staff body, those who wanted to/ were available came great time had by all (about a year ago). Couple of meals out locally. Lovely. Flash forward to second member leaving and the set up was very different, select people were invited, all very cloak and dagger, excluded people from work but invited ex colleagues. All felt strange.

Anyway, since this second leaving do the group has become a pressure cooker of availability, ‘getting something in the diary’ and booking, booking, booking. But all the suggestions are piss ups, big nights out.

I hate it.

I hate bottomless brunches, big piss ups and nights out. I can’t understand why we can’t just go out for food or a coffee, but when I suggest this I’m ignored. I even got told that one of them ‘tends to avoid those sorts of places’ when suggesting we meet at a restaurant close by.

I’m actually wondering how I get out of this group before this one’s over and the next round of pressure builds. Honestly it’s worse than the peer pressure I faced as a teen! I’ve tried to dip out and say you guys go, I’ll come next time but there’s an all or nothing policy that’s developed and adds to the pressure. I don’t think I even have much in common with these women any more and may be it was the workplace (absolutely toxic) that held us together for a couple of years (no more than 18 months).

How do I leave this group?! Help!

Just leave the WhatsApp group. Tap the name of the group. Scroll down. Click exit group.

Honestly don’t give it any more thought than that. Life is too short.

If any of them message you just say you don’t have time right now and wish them well.

Hi guys, I'm trying to cut down on my drinking right now, so I'm going to remove.myself from the group and the temptation! If anyone wants to meet for a coffee or a lunchtime alcohol free meal, please do give me a call, I'm still happy to meet with everyone without the drinks 😊

Then remove yourself quickly before anyone responds, and put their single WhatsApps on mute for a week or two.

WhatsApp changed about 6 months ago, so the whole group will no longer get the "OP has left the group" message. Only the admin person will see that

When someone left our hobby group WhatsApp, they sent a lovely final message thanking everyone for the fun and that they weren't staying in the group for whatever reason, then removed themselves.

Easy peasy.

They ignore you, do just ignore them back. Mute the group if you don’t want to leave it. That’s it. Done.

Don't just mute or disappear - they'll wonder what has happened to you and it's an immature way to deal with it.

Send a goodbye message and then exit the group. Use @anon2022anon's message or ask AI to draft one.

Do you actually want to see these people again?

If so, go to the brunch, have food and a coffee and leave before they get lairy. Or go for the meal but not into town afterwards etc. This is what I generally do as the non-drinking one of the group.

If however, you feel the friendship has run its course and thats why you want to leave, using the suggestion above about reducing alcohol, or leaving the group because you're trying to reduce your phone use, or just straight up "I'm really sorry, I can't commit to anything right now, I'm going to leave the group but dont be strangers!" Type message would do

I would say big nights are not my thing any more, happy to meet for a coffee, ping me directly. Leave the group.

Just mute it, hide it and ignore

Literally tell the truth, thanks for all the invites and you are happy to hang out with them but piss ups and not really you thing. You don't like drinking and it's not for you..tell them to go out without you and if they ever want to go out and get food or coffee then let her know. They are being rude to you not listening to your voice! Don't let them control you, stand up for yourself but be polite x

“Hi all, I'm going to leave the group now. Life's really busy at the moment and this isn't working for me anymore.
Then if you genuinely feel this way:
Would still love to catch up with any of you 1:1 or for a coffee sometime, just not really up for the big nights out.
Take care all! ”

It doesn't really sound like the WhatsApp Group is the real problem. It's all the boozy outings.
Just say that you aren't really up for outings like that any more. Tell them they can assume that you are a 'no' for future events, so they don't need to wait for your replies on WhatsApp. Then say that if anyone fancies just a coffee, they can text or call.

Then mute the chat.

Perfect. And just leave. Don’t hang around.

yes this. I am in a whatsapp group with friends but it's very relaxed. We had someone leave without notice then tell others we had gotten 'too trivial' (it did feature some sleb gossip... we are all in our 50s and 60s and caring for disabled children/ parents riddled with dementia and full time jobs so sometimes we chat shit about the Royals or whatever'. I found that a bit offensive. A simple ' I've got alot on so need to step back' would have sufficed.

I think it depends if you want to stay in touch and ever see them again, or if you’re happy to just move on and forget.

You say when you suggest a restaurant or coffee, they ignore you or say they don’t want to do that. Do the same back. Just say “ah a big piss up isn’t really my thing, I’m cutting back on the booze… you guys have fun though! I’d be up for brunch soon if anyone fancies that?”
But if you’re really not that fussed, I’d just send a goodbye message like others have suggested and leave the group.

They are not friends if they are not listening to the requests of one group member, and talking over their reservations of planned group activities!

Just say one more time that you are not up for big drunken nights out at all, but would do a coffee meet up; then you’ll presumably be ignored agsin, so press ‘leave’ on the group chat.

why would you want to be friends with people like this anyway?

This is exactly what I’ve started thinking, I’m not even sure how I ended up in the group, I should definitely have declined the request at the time. I suppose I wasn’t expecting such intensity! I think one of them is quite isolated and needs it but I have a life already. It’s starting to feel like a burden!

You’re right I need to just do it and move on. It’s making me grumpy.

Just forge ahead leave the group with a short note. "I'm a little overwhelmed with WhatsApp groups at the moment so am leaving this one for now. Hope you have fun on your next night out!". Then leave immediately.

That’s a good one @GreenWheat - they don’t know I’m not in any groups- I forget these things and get far too involved!

That sounds like a really good idea. I though just ignore them but this is the answer.

Just mute the group then archive it if you don’t want to leave xx

Lots of good polite advice here. Do it then let us know how you get on. It’s so hard isn’t it but sometimes we just lose touch or don’t have much in common anymore when not working together. I have a group I’m in that I feel exactly like this about and am plucking up courage to do it too x

This

They're not really friends since you imply you'd fall out with them if you tried to get things on an even footing so that is precisely what you do. You say you're not up for a big night out but you'll happily meet for a coffee. They'll most probably disrespect you and try to get the big night vibes going and so you say since we're not on the same page, I've decided to leave the group and then leave it whilst wishing them well. Or if you just want to leave then just leave but that does make it more awkward - I think fading makes it gentler all round but consistent fading i.e. turning down all meetups apart from a coffee maybe from now on.