Help me leave this WhatsApp group!

[Highlandschmiland]

I’ve ended up in a WhatsApp group of consisting of 4 women. We used to work together and 2 of us have since moved on to other workplaces. We had an fab night out when I left, invited the whole staff body, those who wanted to/ were available came great time had by all (about a year ago). Couple of meals out locally. Lovely. Flash forward to second member leaving and the set up was very different, select people were invited, all very cloak and dagger, excluded people from work but invited ex colleagues. All felt strange.

Anyway, since this second leaving do the group has become a pressure cooker of availability, ‘getting something in the diary’ and booking, booking, booking. But all the suggestions are piss ups, big nights out.

I hate it.

I hate bottomless brunches, big piss ups and nights out. I can’t understand why we can’t just go out for food or a coffee, but when I suggest this I’m ignored. I even got told that one of them ‘tends to avoid those sorts of places’ when suggesting we meet at a restaurant close by.

I’m actually wondering how I get out of this group before this one’s over and the next round of pressure builds. Honestly it’s worse than the peer pressure I faced as a teen! I’ve tried to dip out and say you guys go, I’ll come next time but there’s an all or nothing policy that’s developed and adds to the pressure. I don’t think I even have much in common with these women any more and may be it was the workplace (absolutely toxic) that held us together for a couple of years (no more than 18 months).

How do I leave this group?! Help!

“Hi all! Look, I love seeing you but I am afraid these massive nights out really aren’t my thing at all. I am beginning to feel like a terrible party pooper so please do go ahead and organise without me. Hope to meet you soon for something more low key/coffee etc. much love!”

delete aaaaaand feeeeel the relief!!

I left a group like this - they were a bunch of bitches who treated me terribly. When I had enough self esteem and left the whatsapp group they told everyone I had mental health issues and was suicidal. I wasn’t. Anyway to cut a long story short I would suggest on hindsight the best thing I should have done was send a neutral message something along the lines of ‘I am cutting back on whatsapp and social media in general so getting rid of all my groups, hopefully chat and catch up with you all soon’, then fade them out one by one, would have saved on the gossip.

Just think how much better you will feel once you have left.

All you do is go onto the group click the settings scroll to leave group and leave group

I would leave a polite message too. "It's been really nice to meet up but I'm more of a 'coffee and cake/bite to eat' girl these days - big nights out are behind me! I'd feel bad if I made excuses so I just wanted to let you know that I'm leaving the group. Enjoy the nights out!"

Is it just me who wouldn't over think this and just remove myself. I literally couldn't care if just admin received a notification that I've left rhe group or if the whole group did.

Be honest. Say you’re not a big drinker and cant keep up

Thats what I did but was met by months of gossip and rumours - It triggered a huge social response it was pathetic - I would now always message to let people know I was leaving due to that

Just archive it and quietly disappear… 😉

Hi all, I am cutting back on group chats so I will be leaving this group. No drama or anything, wishing you all the best, and if you ever want to grab a coffee, contact me. Have a great summer. Then leave.

Plenty of good advice on here and I've nothing to add. Just to say, you won't be the only one thinking that way. Big-night-outers are an increasingly rare breed but they seem to drag everyone along in their wake.

I wouldn't be surprised if once you go, the whole thing will collapse like a house of cards!

What does the differences between the your leaving party and your colleagues leaving party, have anything to do with the Whatsapp group?

If it makes you feel any better, OP, I heard this fantastic WA story this morning.. friends' 'technostruggling' mother didn't understand WA groups, and thought she should organise like her contacts. Put all her unwanted contacts into a group called 'UNIMPORTANT' 🙈

I think @Lotsofsnacks is right. Say once more that you prefer a coffee or meal and are not one for nights out but you hope they all have fun. Then leave the group.

Leave the group.

There are some great suggestions for a quick message before you leave - i would send one of them (i personally like 'feeling a bit overwhelmed with WhatsApp groups at the moment and can't manage a big meet up any time soon so will step back from the group, drop me a message if you fancy a coffee sometime').. then immediately leave

Just leave. You don't work with them any more. Move on.

Hello, sorry but I can no longer do big nights out. Happy to meet for a cuppa etc so just message me directly. All the best.

I would just type: Hello everyone, I'm no longer keen on big nights out and drinking, so I will remove myself from the group as you guys seem to favour this kind of meeting. If anyone wants to meet for coffee or a meal, you have my number!

I don't understand why you're finding it difficult tp leave the group just do it. You have nothing in common any more. They don't consider your ideas about where to go out and what to do.

Yes, some great suggestions here.

When you do leave, it will feel strange at first. I always use day later principle. If you still feel you've done the right thing, then you have.

Oh, forgot to mention in earlier post. My problem didn't originate from me. It was a guy voicing his opinion after a few drinks. No contact with him now either....

This.

This OP. Polite, to the point and no comeback as you'd have left.

I just immediately say no at the outset.

I tend not to give reasons - who needs to hear my sanctimonious look I'd rather put the that £50 into my pension fund, not wake up hungover or feel like I have to buy a new outfit, rather than try and keep up with this lifestyle I can't afford.

I find those nights stressful and boring and I can't remember the last alcoholic drink I had - what I get instead are yearnings to spend time in nature and have meaningful conversations and attend creative workshops.

Never even think about booze.

This.