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Original poster

Am I being thick ? Has he got another woman?

106 replies

Woofwoofwoff · 03/07/2026 13:55

I don’t know if I’m totally missing something or if I’m reading too much into it, but over the last week or so , husband has been acting really weird.

we have been together for 20 odd years , 2 kids (18 and 15 ) and always got on relatively well

about a week ago I noticed he wasn’t sending me many messages (often got a hello beautiful or good morning message) and he hasn’t been very touchy feely for a few weeks

he’s working long long hours (definitely at work, have been to see him a time or too)

I asked him what’s up and he says he doesn’t know , but he isn’t his happy self and feels fed up.

he knows it’s upsetting me the lack of kisses and affection, so he’s been making an effort to hug me ect , but I can sort of tell it’s forced iyswim - it’s so so unlike the affectionate happy husband I have always known.

obviously I jumped to worst case scenario straight away, and last night when he was asleep I checked his phone - absolutely nothing incriminating (and tbh I always know where he is I don’t think he has time for someone else but something feels so off)

he says he’s happy at work (has been an issue in the past ) and we are the most financially stable we have ever been (not flush but all the bills are paid)

does this sound like it could be depression? Or am I being blind ?

other things to add…. Dd 18 is quite hard work at the moment and causes stress (but mainly to me it has to be said) and I have lost 125lb in the last two years (might not be relevant but I t did cross my mind that he didn’t fancy me any more)

honestly I have felt so secure with him for so long and was/ am looking forward to a near future where we have money and time to travel

38&39 years old

ps checked call logs , messages , what’s app and facebook/ messenger

OP posts:
Iwillcomeouttheotherend · 06/07/2026 19:25

PrettyLittleRose · 05/07/2026 14:11

@Iwillcomeouttheotherend I totally agree with you. Men don't suddenly become 'lovely' and 'attentive' and 'nice' (with their wife) when they're having an affair, (or thinking of having one!) They get moody and sullen and distant, and as you say, they find fault with everything you do and say, and with things like how you're dressed, or your hair, if you ask if you look OK, he says 'I suppose so, what you asking me for?' Talks to you half turned away, no eye contact, irritated by your presence.

Snappy, sullen, argumentative, zero affection. even picking fights with the children - shouting at them for nothing, deliberately causing arguments with anyone in the house..... Highly critical: slagging off the meals you've cooked him, telling you that you're filling the shopping trolley 'incorrectly,' bitching at you for turning the heating up when it's January and 3 degrees C outside, and wasting ten quid on a 'stupid fucking top' and not clearing it with him first that you were going to buy it....... Etc etc etc... Just constant misery and moaning and a face like a slapped arse.

i think it's very few men who become nicer and more attentive with their wife, when they've got another woman/when they're having an affair.

Funny how men rarely leave their wives though isn't it? 🤔

100%
ALL OF THIS:
“Snappy, sullen, argumentative, zero affection. even picking fights with the children - shouting at them for nothing, deliberately causing arguments with anyone in the house..... Highly critical: slagging off the meals you've cooked him, telling you that you're filling the shopping trolley 'incorrectly,' bitching at you for turning the heating up when it's January and 3 degrees C outside, and wasting ten quid on a 'stupid fucking top' and not clearing it with him first that you were going to buy it....... Etc etc etc... Just constant misery and moaning and a face like a slapped arse.”

  • soooo much more …. did you ever get ….

WTF have you done with the TV remote AGAIN (I never watched TV)
WTF have you done with my favourite knife, why is it not in the drawer where it should be, why do you never put things back where they belong.
Why The F was you not home to take delivery of my parcel today (which I now know could likely have been his online Viagra order or yet more new clothes to impress “the Slut”)
Why have we run out of mouthwash, you’re an embarrassment.
😳😳😳

ThisWiseRobin · 06/07/2026 19:33

Woofwoofwoff · 06/07/2026 19:15

It’s in the middle

he came home today after he finished work, cooked tea and we had a good chat .
then he’s taken the youngest to his club.

the poster further up seems to have nailed it so far , busy , tired , overwhelmed and feeling unappreciated, feels he has no say or time to himself and it’s very stressful at home.

we offered up some different solutions. I mean it’s only a first chat but it seemed positive. He did apologise for how he had handled it. I know none of us are perfect but I do think he could have gone about it better.

it has taught me a valuable lesson though. I truly thought we were so very unshakeable but obviously not.

I’ll keep everyone updated as time passes. There obviously could still be more to it.

Life is tough, but trust me, you will come through this. I know its unfair that women have to make things easier for men but it was always thus. Like I said earlier, we are stronger than them.
I am sure you guys are going to be fine. God bless you and keep you safe.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 06/07/2026 20:16

Hi OP. I am glad to hear he is back.

This is just one for you, so you don't owe me any answers - but did you / will you confess to snooping on his phone and his private financial info?

I am not trying to judge, but I think you should either come clean about that, or make very sure he cannot find out. For many people that would be relationship-ending so maybe just one to think on?

Middlemarch123 · 06/07/2026 20:24

Is he now home to stay @Woofwoofwoff ? All the emphasis has been on him, hasn’t it? Be careful that this doesn’t pull you down, focus on yourself, you sound lovely, and I know a lot of women who would be exasperated with a partner like this. Prioritise yourself, don’t lose yourself in accommodating his needs at the price of your own.

Original poster
Woofwoofwoff · 07/07/2026 00:14

Thank you , no he’s not back , he went back to his mums . This is what we planned though.
it was a really positive evening and I feel more settled.

I will make sure I prioritise myself as well 😊

i suggested the blood test / low testosterone idea , he’s still reluctant to go to the doctor- but h and b have a natural supplement that has good reviews so he has said he will give it a go .

one day at a time let’s see what tomorrows dramas bring!

OP posts:
WallaceinAnderland · 07/07/2026 15:28

He has to go to the GP in case there is a more serious underlying medical issue.

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