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Grandchildren at other end of the country

83 replies

Tediousfindings · 01/07/2026 08:27

I have two grandchildren at the other end of the country. Nine hour drive, five hours on a train, or an hours flight . We have to stay in an air b and b because they live in a very small house with no spare room. So each visit cost hundreds of pounds. If we go for four nights it is five hundred for the air b and b plus about £200 for travel. Inevitably we end up paying for food or taking them for a meal etc . We stayed for a week last year and it cost £1500.

They visit about once a year as the expense of travel is a lot for them too and they don't want to drive. Because it's such a long way they stay at least a week, sometimes nearly two weeks which I find quite stressful as they turn the house upside down and it takes all day with two of us to get it tidy again when they leave. I'm finding it increasingly hard to cope with that.

I feel I'm really missing out on seeing them and feel very sad. If we visit every three months for a week that's about four grand ! We can afford it but it does seem like a huge expense especially since we aren't in the air b and b much at all.

We tried to move closer earlier this year but the situation has become complicated and we are stuck here. I feel really torn and upset about it all.

I just wonder what others on a similar position do. I have considered a travel lodge /premier inn but prefer to be able to make our own breakfast and maybe sit outside if there is a small garden.

OP posts:
RoseOliviaAu · 01/07/2026 12:56

Well the options are obvious:
1 See them less. This is pretty normal.
2 Pay for a cheaper hotel. You can take a mini fridge in the car for cold stuff.
3 Continue to pay for the nice Airbnb. This is your choice if you want the comfort.
4 Try to move again
5 offer your daughter money to upsize on the condition of you staying at theirs when you visit
6 Buy a park home / caravan nearby

That’s it really. It’s not the end of the planet as we know it. Make a decision and act.

RoseOliviaAu · 01/07/2026 12:58

Loub1987 · 01/07/2026 10:48

My parents are in Ireland, we are in the UK. We travel once a year to see them and stay, I imagine they do have to spend a day cleaning up after we leave, but they seem to enjoy the visit. My parents come once or twice a year to see us. We also try to do a holiday somewhere together every year. That plus face time etc.

Why does it bother you so much if they mess your house? Surely, seeing them is more important than order?

I think she is actually angry at her DD for setting up house so far away. Nothing will do because she actually just thinks DD should move closer to them.

Yetone · 01/07/2026 13:19

Eelge · 01/07/2026 11:54

Buying a motorhome is certainly not a money saving option!

Totally agree. Motor homes and caravans are money pits.

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cadburyegg · 01/07/2026 13:22

ArabellaWeird · 01/07/2026 11:47

You're looking for a perfect situation and that doesn't exist. Family living at the other end of the country is going to be inconvenient. That's how it is. You need to accept that, and decide what is the least worst option for you.

There are loads of options listed above, but you are going to have to compromise. You cant not tidy up after them, not spend the money, not stay in a hotel, not drive, not fly, and see them. Pick one.

This

You can’t have everything

cadburyegg · 01/07/2026 13:23

RoseOliviaAu · 01/07/2026 12:58

I think she is actually angry at her DD for setting up house so far away. Nothing will do because she actually just thinks DD should move closer to them.

Unfortunately some people won’t be happy unless their children live literally down the road from them. My ex in laws live an hour away and it might as well be 10 hours the way they moaned about it the last time I saw them.

FizzyPopLove · 01/07/2026 13:53

I too think op sounds angry they live far away.

She complains about visiting them. She complains about them coming to stay.

Op, you sound difficult. Your family are living their lives the way they want them. It doesn’t revolve around you.

Tediousfindings · 01/07/2026 15:22

RoseOliviaAu · 01/07/2026 12:58

I think she is actually angry at her DD for setting up house so far away. Nothing will do because she actually just thinks DD should move closer to them.

Absolute nonsense.

OP posts:
ShakaWhenTheWallsFell · 01/07/2026 17:33

Tediousfindings · 01/07/2026 15:22

Absolute nonsense.

Is it though? It's interesting that you don't mention your adult son or daughter or their partner/spouse once.

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