My kid went in the river today

[Rmdddjb]

my kid is 11 and wants to be independent and go to playground or walks by himself and not be stuck indoors all the time, so I told him to bring his phone and water and wear a hat and sunglasses . I use my phone to contact him and track his whereabouts. So 5 min later I go outside and start stalking him. It’s so hard to see anything on the screen in the sun anyway but I do my best. I told him to go to playground nearby but his tracker showed me he was moving around everywhere! He wasn’t in the playground and 30 min later I found him walking home on the field. He was soaking wet! We live next to a river and he told me he went in there!!! Like wtf?! What brought that on?! He said cuz his friend told him that he had gone in there too once. So he wanted to try it too.

I was mortified!! He said there was a woman that told him Good luck when he jumped in and just walked off. Then there was a group that walked past and one of the guys pulled my son up from the river and I’m eternally grateful that he did when others just ignored him. If it wasn’t for him my kid would probably not be here.

this is the last time I’ll let my kid go out on his own. Even if I have the tracker on him. I just told him he’s not allowed to go on his own anymore. He has friends but they live in different towns but go same school.

he’s very sad that he doesn’t have friends in the neighbourhood because nobody wants to play with him anyway ( he’s always the lonely guy in the playground and I’ve tried setting up play dates with his class mates but the parents don’t want to and just ignore my texts), and I understand that he wants to find someone to play with.

Biut the trust for me is gone. I can’t let him have his independence anymore, i have to watch him like a hawk if I so have to run out after him with poop hanging down my pants ( he sometimes goes out when I sit in the toilet without telling me) . Sorry but I had to vent. I don’t expect any replies.

One child is too many and a tragedy for their family, friends, emergency services and anyone else involved..

I hope the parents of the children that drowned don't see you referring to them as "hardly anyone". I find your attitude irresponsible and disrespectful.

And how many in rivers?

I think the discussion about water safety came about because some posters said rivers aren't dangerous and that an 11 year old in one unsupervised wasn't a problem.

The OP didn't seem to want answers, descended into talking about poo and said she didn't expect replies - so I guess any disussion was valid.

Can your boy swim? Why not enrol him in a local swimming club, or maybe rowing, paddleboarding, windsurfing clubs or something along those lines? He'd make friends that way and learn water safety which is of the utmost importance.

This post is incredible.

At least 15 children died as a result of open water swimming in the last heatwave.

The OP's child is only 11 and was alone. That is not safe swimming.

Think how many people use a car each day compared to the number who go open water swimming. Open water swimming is much riskier.

Silly sod! Thank God hes ok! Its always boys isn't it?? Well, have a chat and keep an eye on him now xx

Someone drowned in a river a few miles from here several years ago, who'd got trapped in water weeds and couldn't free himself. He could swim and so could his friends, and they all got into trouble in the water. They managed to get out, but lost sight of him and by the time the emergency services got there, it was too late.

I'm staggered by the people saying as long as they can swim, it's fine. It is not. Our dc have had it drummed into them from an early age that they should not go and play down by the river, and to NEVER go in.

It's had to tell, because the detail is rarely reported, but of the children who have died this year the only one where I could find any detail the child couldn't swim.

I have no evidence to back this up, but I am very skeptical that the children dying are typically confident swimmers in safe waters. I suspect weak swimmers are over represented or there are specific dangers at the locations they die. (Recirculating Rollers; no exit point; underwater obstructions.) I live near a popular outdoor diving off point and despite 50+ people going in cold water there every hot summers day (and a few elderly stoics keeping going all winter) there hasn't been a single death in the 18 years I've been here, and none I'm aware of ever. If healthy confident swimmers in safe waters were dying I'm sure it would have happened there.

The cold water shock (even on a hot day) can make good swimmers find themselves in trouble very quickly.

Agree with getting him in lessons plus water sports or scouts or something like that if possible.

And never swim or mess around in water alone.

@BabyGrooverBug You'd happily let him swim in the sea. Assuming there are no specific dangers (you mention none) and he's confident in the water he'll be fine.

OP does not say he can swim, she does not say he’s confident in the water and she does not say she would happily let him swim in the sea.

Some rivers are ok to swim in.

my local introduction to open water swimming sessions are run at a river.

yes, they are all risk assessed etc etc.

https://brecks.org/events/intro-to-outdoor-swimming-adult-and-13/

I'd agree comparing the statistics in that way doesn't work at all, my bad, I couldn't resist.

Some rivers are ok to swim in.

Sure, but not one where an 11-year old goes in on his own without anyone being aware and which is deep/steep enough that he had to be pulled out by an adult.

Hence I used the word assumption.

If my assumptions are wrong that would be quite the drip feed, akin to asking if eating peanuts is OK without mentioning a peanut allergy.

EDIT: Sorry, I missed the bit where he needed to be rescued by someone else because the bank was unscalable and without the rescue he'd have died. Changes everything.

It really depends on the river. And the swimmer.

A 13 year old died in a river yesterday where I live. Swimming with friends. He could swim perfectly well.

I live near a river, some bits of which are very swimmable and some not. DS is a sensible 14 and he is absolutely not yet allowed to swim without an adult at least in the vicinity. If you kid is impulsive and cant follow a rule then I wouldn't let them out and about near a river. Extremely dangerous.

Road deaths here are irrelevant. Just because some unconnected thing is more likely to kill us, it doesn’t mean that children swimming alone in open water is safe.

The dangers of dying in open water has been on the news recently. Maybe it was imprecise or me to say ‘a lot’ of deaths but however many it was, the number is not the point becuase maybe none of them would have died if they and their families had known the dangers (cold water shock, currents, hidden sharp objects, sudden depth change - to name but a few).

In half term when we also had a heatwave, parents round here were dropping off their teens as a lake. Apart from the fact that swimming was only allowed in supervised sessions for the odd couple of hours in the evenings and weekends, these parents presumably did not have a clue about tbe dangers.

There used to be local youth clubs but they closed down. I’m thinking of taking him to church where he can meet other kids on Sundays.

I want him to go be independent, he’s that age which is normal and healthy but it’s terrifying cuz of all the traffic in the area, and he’s very impulsive so don’t really trust his risk to assess danger. It’s a shame I remember my mom asking me to get milk when I was 7-8 in the local supermarket but there was hardly no traffic around so pretty much safe area

So specifically how did he die?

We have a very dangerous body of water nearby and every summer lots of kids die in it. It’s fenced off and there are warnings but kids always think they know better

Such a complacent thing to say. Surely every parent knows of a child who's drowned in a river locally. We certainly had one two summers ago.

How is his impulse control generally because my 11 year old wouldn’t jump in the river near to us because someone else had said that they did?
Having said that though I’ve never glossed over the dangers of going into the water, cold water shock, tides etc
Last year very sadly, a group of boys were jumping into the river off a bridge and one of them drowned, he had been able to swim but must have hit his head or got tangled in something.
It was all over the local news and as the boy had played for the same football team as many locals he was well known.
My older ones watched the coverage on the news etc and saw his devastated family.
My 11 year old does water sports as part of a club and football, it sounds like your son is lonely so I think it would be really worth trying some sort of team sport/hobby to see if he can find his circle.
You need to spell out to your son just how dangerous that choice was, hopefully he frightened himself today so that he won’t be keen to repeat it!