My kid went in the river today

[Rmdddjb]

my kid is 11 and wants to be independent and go to playground or walks by himself and not be stuck indoors all the time, so I told him to bring his phone and water and wear a hat and sunglasses . I use my phone to contact him and track his whereabouts. So 5 min later I go outside and start stalking him. It’s so hard to see anything on the screen in the sun anyway but I do my best. I told him to go to playground nearby but his tracker showed me he was moving around everywhere! He wasn’t in the playground and 30 min later I found him walking home on the field. He was soaking wet! We live next to a river and he told me he went in there!!! Like wtf?! What brought that on?! He said cuz his friend told him that he had gone in there too once. So he wanted to try it too.

I was mortified!! He said there was a woman that told him Good luck when he jumped in and just walked off. Then there was a group that walked past and one of the guys pulled my son up from the river and I’m eternally grateful that he did when others just ignored him. If it wasn’t for him my kid would probably not be here.

this is the last time I’ll let my kid go out on his own. Even if I have the tracker on him. I just told him he’s not allowed to go on his own anymore. He has friends but they live in different towns but go same school.

he’s very sad that he doesn’t have friends in the neighbourhood because nobody wants to play with him anyway ( he’s always the lonely guy in the playground and I’ve tried setting up play dates with his class mates but the parents don’t want to and just ignore my texts), and I understand that he wants to find someone to play with.

Biut the trust for me is gone. I can’t let him have his independence anymore, i have to watch him like a hawk if I so have to run out after him with poop hanging down my pants ( he sometimes goes out when I sit in the toilet without telling me) . Sorry but I had to vent. I don’t expect any replies.

Yes, clearly 11yo children can roam free in many locations. But not all locations. (and not all 11yo children.)

I live near a river and someone post on our local social media that they had just pulled an 11/12 year old out of it as they were going under the current by a weir , and also a group of them were all throwing rocks at their heads whilst they were in the water !

I don't let my 11yo out because I'm worried about her getting killed on the road, if she was playing in a River I'd regard that as way safer.

About twice as many children die from drowning in inland water ways than by being knocked down on the roads in the UK each year.

Sign him up for a water safety class. Doesn’t matter if he can swim or not.

I'm not sure publicly posting vague, upsetting hearsay is very helpful. IF this is true it might be better to PM the OP to see if it's relevant and point her in the direction of the SM post.

So far, in May/June this year 13 children drowned in open water in the UK.

Don't say "hardly anyone" to the families of those children, or the people who tried to rescue those children or witnessed their deaths.

All rivers carry risks.

You’re not wrong to go absolutely nuclear OP.

DS was 14, out with friends and unknown to me, they were going on a friends wooden oar boat on a canal. All of them 14. None with life jackets - and one particular little prick darling decided to push DS in as a ‘joke’

It was winter. It was freezing and he was absolutely soaked.

Thankfully DS got out and managed to call me and I managed to get him to hike in tears and soaking across a field to where I could reach him - met in the middle so to speak - but I absolutely let rip and unleashed the motherload of anger with all of them about the risks, dangers and utter stupidity of them all, especially the one who pushed him in. And yes - DS very quickly broke off his friendship with them soon after

Hardly anyone? Callous! One is too many!

I totally agree with everything you've written.
Us previous generations had much better swimming provision than children now.

There must surely be a correlation between the hundreds of public swimming baths closed down (due to austerity) and missed swimming opportunities during covid and the rise of children dying now, particularly in inland areas.

Even a good swimmer can get into difficulties, cold water shock, cramp etc. Don’t blame parents for not wanting to their children do such activities unsupervised .

Cold water shock is a key factor @Allseeingallknowing. Rivers can often be colder than the sea. If OP's son jumped in there was a risk of this.

I will confess to being astonished at how few road deaths of children there are but you've still got your numbers back to front-ish.

Copilot says 20-25 UK child road deaths against 15-16 Uk Inland water child deaths.

What the heck happened to child road deaths? Or have we all stopped breeding so there are less children to kill?

I wouldnt be mortified, I’d be absolutely horrified. So lucky that guy was walking past and pulled him to safety. I would also reduce independence- he has sadly shown he can’t be trusted just yet.

can he go to any local clubs to make friends?

I have a son the same age and he’s been allowed out on his own for a while now but with the following conditions:

Absolutely no swimming in the river. He’s allowed to paddle in the shallow bit but only if he checks with us first.

He stays in the village and if he’s walking further than the boundary we’ve set then he needs to phone and check if he’s allowed.

No disruptive or disrespectful behaviour - it’s a small village so we’d find out!

He comes home at the time agreed.

If he breaks any of those rules then he’s not allowed out. It’s that simple.

At 11 i’d expect your son to have some independence but with clear boundaries and consequences for not following agreed rules.

He sounds bored. Can you take him paddleboarding or kayaking somewhere suitable? Maybe start a family hobby so he can gain new experiences? Our kid would be climbing the walls of we didn't take him outdoors regularly.

Just to add i suppose it really depends on the river. Our local one is quite shallow and all the kids and teenagers are out in it today.

Nitpicking about child death statistics and making jokes about children killed on the roads is in very bad taste.

I hope your children stay safe.

All rivers can be dangerous

I was correcting your nitpicking, and I wasn't joking.

This has sent me down a rabbit hole. Apparently 9 UK children die in supervised swimming pools each year. 1 in the UK, 8 abroad.

Yet another thread with a casual mention of poo thrown in.

I spent my entire childhood swimming in rivers, it’s not an unusual activity!

As long as he can swim, obviously.

For the op, and anyone else reading, many open water swimming venues offer an in person introduction to open water swimming.

for example I recently swam in Windermere and this one is offered by swim the lakes

https://www.swimthelakes.co.uk/product/introduction-to-open-water-swimming/

there is also a network of open water venues that offer lifeguarded open water swimming and as this is becoming very popular many also do a course where people who can swim but have only swum in a pool can try it with a tutor.

https://nowca.org/

It’s not just about being able to swim!

Woman posts upsetting story about her child running off and jumping in a river.

Mumsnet descends into people screaming at each other re how dangerous rivers are and diagnosing the child with ADHD.

Never change Mumsnet!

Crikey OP, I’d be fuming. I think you’re right to say he can’t go out on his own for the time being. I’m sorry he has found it hard to make local friends- I hope that changes.

To those commenting on the OP’s use of ‘mortified’- I expect she means ‘horrified’. I have noticed in recent years that quite a lot of people misuse mortified in this way.