Neighbours kid peeping over our fence

[Nws93]

Sorry I wasn't sure where to post this, hopefully somebody can give me advice.

We're having a few issues with our next door neighbours eldest son (8) peering over the backyard fence CONSTANTLY! Their youngest son is 3.
It has got to the point where we cannot go into our garden without him popping up whether it be 8am or 8pm. I dont mind if our own children (8 and 6) are in the garden as they do talk which is nice. But its becoming a problem which has been highlighted more now the weather is nice.
Yesterday (kids off school) it got to the point where I was getting a bit annoyed that he was interrupting and trying to undermine me getting my 2 in as they had started to fight over something, it just made the whole thing worse and its not the first time this has happened. then husband was in the garden doing some work (8.30pm) and the kid pops up again trying to get his attention. We have told him many times to get down but he doesn't listen and for whatever reason his parents are not telling him despite us having a chat that we dont mind now and again if the kids are in the garden too but it is not nice when we are trying to relax and hes there constantly or is undermining our parenting our own kids. Hes 8!
Theres many more incidents where hes constantly undermining me with my own kids and whinning about stuff and throwing rocks and toys into our garden to get our attention. Its like having a third child that i cant tell off and I feel like I cant just pop out in my pjs because hes always there.
I feel awful, Im not sure if hes lonely, but its too much and although his parents apologised and know it's an issue hes either not listening to them telling him not too or they dont care.
At this point I dont know what to do, I dont want to ruin the friendly relationship with our neighbours but at the same im at my wits end that I cant use my own garden without him there. Does anybody have any suggestions?
Oh and we tried fence trellises but that hasnt worked either.

Thanks in advance for any advice.

My younger brother used to do this - watch everyone going about their business from upstairs. He pissed off the neighbour once, but that was when adults were allowed to tell other people's kids off if they were being annoying.

He's now 49, very professional, and can't believe how he used to act.

It's no fun for you right now though, and I know well how annoying it is. I had this issue in spades at our last house. A group of girls would repeatedly peer at me from my own front garden, as I sat in the living room. I once got up to bollock them and they ran off screaming and laughing. Fact is a LOT of parents refuse to discipline their kids but woe betide if you dare say anything.

Short of waiting for this kid to grow out of it, I think he needs a few stern words. Why worry about your relationship with the neighbours? They don't care about you!

It’s basically the same as with unwanted cats. A supersoaker by the back door.

I’d have a think if there is something to block his view. Even if you can hang an old sheet that stops him looking.

I would lose it and struggle not to swear - especially telling my kids to ignore what I was saying - he's be told I didn't care what he thought as my kids weren't nasty brats like him and they knew how to behave

He tries to undermine my parenting by telling my children that they weren't in the wrong and basically shouldn't listen to me. For example, my 2 arguing, I go out and try to defuse the situation. Most of the time it means bringing them in to calm down a bit, but he will say to them no you dont need to go in it wasn't your fault or talks over me when im trying to talk to my own kids and find out what happened etc.

I'd go absolutely ballistic at this. 'How DARE you speak to my children and tell them they can ignore me? Get off my fence RIGHT NOW. I am coming round to speak to your mother about you and your appalling behaviour'.

And I'd be round hammering on her door to tell her I was not going to be disrespected by her son.

Pyrocantha. That should do it. Or rambling roses, mine are seriously vicious.

I have this problem sometimes with next door and any one of their 6 daughters at any given time. What ive found works is if you shout sharply so they get a jolt and lose their grip on the fence and that startles them enough to leave off for a bit. Ive not the time for all this carry on, and I do go to the parents every single time. It stops for a while and then I have to repeat it. Its anti social behaviour at the very least, time to get stern op because your life will be a misery otherwise

I’m guessing it’s probably not legal to fit an electric fence in your back garden, is it?

Holly? Pyracantha?

Why? I have lived in all three, and raised my children well.

Not being snobby are you, perchance?

Having a child persistently staring and shouting at you over the fence is bad enough, but the stone-throwing is dangerous and has to stop. If you've told his parents and they won't stop him, you'll have to be much firmer with him. Actually tell him off properly and make him get down. Show him you're really angry.

I think your mistake was to tell his parents that you don’t mind him looking into your garden ‘sometimes’ . This has given him a free pass in their eyes.I would turn the hose on him . He has no right to interfere in your lives.

Take the stuff thrown round to the door.

Could you plant really spiky bush/es like pyracantha? Or climbing rose?? May take a while to grow unfortunately.

What about planting thorny shrubs

Kids - maybe not toddlers, but certainly by 8 - normally become friends with children who have a similar temperament, interests, hobbies, behaviour, manner etc.

You don't usually just 'assign' kids as friends, based on nothing more than being a similar age - just like you don't automatically assume that adults who work in the same workplace will be friends.

This seems to be the thinking at a lot of schools, whereby they dismiss bullying as 'friendship issues' - because they just can't (or don't want to) understand that some kids really don't get on. Throwing rocks indiscriminately isn't especially a characteristic that most people would find endearing and cause them to want to be your friend.

What about sticking broken bottles and glass on top of the fence? 😂

Of course this is truly annoying and must be brought to an end, but I feel really sorry for this boy. It isn't his fault that his parents ignore him as an afterthought and haven't taught him what is and isn't acceptable behaviour.

I'd definitely be putting it straight back on to them every time; maybe even passive-aggressively asking them if they've thought of looking for courses on how to engage and parent children.

Does he have a trampoline? That seems to be a common thing that some kids tend to stand on and stare for ages over fences at neighbours, rather than using it normally and having innocent fun by themselves.

Would it be an option to string up a high washing line along wherever he can stand and stare (or just along the entire boundary fence) and leave massive opaque sheets or old removal van blankets hanging up there permanently - just far enough that he can't reach them to move them out of his way?

Tell the parents to have a word with him as you like to use your garden naked and you’d hate for him to get an eyeful!

Hes being rude and his parents are being rude by not stopping it so a sharp “Damien, stop looking over the fence, it’s very rude!” Isn’t out of order. “We’re trying to enjoy our private garden in peace, go away Damien”

Don't do that, or you'll have his dad standing on the trampoline for a gawp instead of the boy!

Ah ok @AWeeCupOfTeaAndAnIndividualFruitTrifle Best just to be horrible to the wee boy then.

Like those annoying lone kids that latch onto you at playgrounds/play centres and won’t bog off, but even more so because it’s your own back garden!

Pleached trees! Instant privacy which only gets thicker over time and is perfectly legal to put up against a fence in your own garden!

This would do my absolute tits in so I would explicitly say to the lad that he's really pissing me off, and to piss off or I'd be properly raging. Then go nuclear at the parents, It's entirely their fault. I presume they're shit parents in general.

I bloody love kids, have 4 of my own but a wee twat constantly annoying me, no. Just like next doors yappy dogs, they're getting it next time their locked out all day, yes all this week too.

They want less of the kid - not more!!