Should I be arranging summer outings for my 12 and 15 year olds?

[Kermitt]

My ds’s don’t go out with friends. They may have undiagnosed asd but they are happy enough. At school they have social groups but this doesn’t extend to out of school activities. Neither of them is fussed - they spend their time on iPads, pcs. Summer is approaching. They are too old for holiday clubs. Should I be arranging outings for them? They would probably be ok if I did but wonder if they are too old. They are 15 and 12. Just really not sure what to do

Have you really looked for activities, as they are old enough to do a week of something quite cool. I have kids a similar age and they can do things like skiing, surfing, bouldering, triathlon, sailing. My eldest is also volunteering at a cat and dog home.

If there's nothing near you like that, can you get them a leisure centre or gym membership and encourage them to go swimming or to play tennis or something themselves. I think you should be taking them out (the alternative is too depressing) but also encouraging them to do things either themselves or together.

If they don't want to hang out with friends or you, could you get them gym memberships or something similar so that they get out of the house 2-3 times a week? Do they like hanging out with each other? Maybe they can go to the park and play basketball or go fishing together. Spending a whole summer in the house would make me depressed.

This, plus if the house is cluttered, could you involve them in decluttering and possibly new storage sourcing and building?

Do you have any holidays or short breaks planned over the holidays?
Sitting at home for 6 weeks on an iPad won’t be good for anyone.

• ask them to check the cinema listings to see what they’d enjoy
• summer gym membership (junior gym)
• beach
• theme park
• train to a city and day out exploring
• water park or swimming
• invite friends or out for the day

If you can, do, especially with the youngest. It. can be really hard with autism especially if they are burnt out from school.

We got theme park season tickets at this age early August and had did several day trips there over that summer and the next.

Dont you just do days out anyway? My kids are the same age and autistic they come everywhere with me and theres still lots to do

I think the thing of girls being easier is in your head a bit.

Take them bowling in the morning - not many teens around then.

Try a new interest together, eg are there pool tables at bowling? You could build towards them being able to play together without you.

With mine we did something every day together usually no cost, once a week there was an outing that cost money. I'm not a bottomless pit of £££ and it all adds up. They seemed to appreciate the doing something together every day even if there was a fair bit of huffing and puffing in the run up to it.

definitely no to unlimited screen time!

I would want to take them out anyway, to spend time with them - hasn't got to be everyday. When they move out, you won't see them so much. Also, encourage any hobbies, exercise and anything they could get on board with helping in the house/garden. Life is for living.

What do you normally do in the holidays with them? Do they normally just stay in the whole time?

They're too old for childcare but bot too old for all activities.

Mine did/do still go to things at that age but things related to their interests or to gain a qualification or skill like watersports, climbing, Bikeability Level 3, Circus Skills, Life Guarding, surfing etc.

There is no way I would be ok with all day every day on a screen at all.

I would draw up a list of 'daily and weekly must dos' including exercise, leaving the house, family tasks like dog walking and meal prep, and a list of 'would like to achieves' like reading 6 books, clocking up a marathon distance, sorting all clothes and selling anything outgrown etc etc.

Do you not do things as a family? Yes, of course, we go on days out together still. My teen mostly organises to see friends herself and I just do the driving. But she does have a few friends who still largely coordinate through parents.

She also has a job, so works 2-3 evenings a week, and she trains at a sport 3 times a week.

I do think it’s important they have time to decompress and have days being bored doing nothing. But I’d say we have maybe 3-4 days out of 7 when we go out and do something together, either as a family or just me and one or more dc.

When I was that age I was home alone all summer - it would never have occurred to my parents to arrange my time for me.

But were you able to spend literally most of your waking time on a screen?

My parents didn't arrange stuff for me either but we had absolutely no entertainment available and therefore made our own fun and spend a huge amount of time outside, with friends or reading.

Current teens are at real risk of screen addiction and worse and parents have to proactively mitigate the risks.

Yes - I was able to do whatever I liked, including spending all day messing about online, playing Sims or watching hours of daytime TV if I wanted to.

I didn't, though - I saw friends, sunbathed, read books, baked, slept late, went into town etc.

The Ops children don't seem able to organise this though so getting them out and about will stop them rotting on the beds with screens, by the sound of it ive probably got round about your age, and yes they met friends but we still took them on days out dotted about the summer holidays.

I mean, I did stuff with my parents at weekends and we'd have a family holiday but that still left 7 weeks for me to do whatever I fancied (private school).

At those ages you can't really dictate what they do with their free time the way you can when they're younger.

Well taking your teenagers on the odd day/evening out isn't really dictating it is spending time with children and getting them out of the house and away from screens, because they don't socialise with friends.

My point was they didn’t “arrange summer outings” for me as per the OP, it was just the normal family days out that we’d have on a weekend anyway.

It doesn’t sound like OP does that at all though? Sounds like they are left to sit on devices all weekend

Keep going as long as you can if you think they will do stuff with you .

Or suggest they do stuff together - child’s gym membership for the older though probably not possible yet for the younger . Drop them off at the cinema or take them for a burger or Costa - maybe combined with a walk . If it’s affordable theme park used to go down well with mine at that age ( we had a Thorpe park pass which cost about the same as 2 trips )

I’ve just played board games with my bored 16 year old so that’s also an option