Do you force your teenager

[ItsLightheartedHonest]

To eat food they don't like for their evening meal?
For example, if you are having a relatively unhealthy evening meal such as sausage, chips and beans and you know your teen hates sausage do you serve it to them and expect them to eat it or would you replace the sausage with something equally unhealthy like chicken nuggets etc?
Said teenager is not overweight, and generally eats plenty of fruit and vegetables.

While I agree with you as my dc are often discovering new things they love or going off things they always ate. Something as basic as a sausage- if they hated all sausages then I’d accept that and just make something else unless they expressed a desire to try one again

Our DS has never been fussy but there are a few things he doesn't like - same as any of us - and when he was with us before uni I'd limit those things and cut the 3 things he strongly disliked.

I wasn't difficult - prawns and chicken soup he's not keen on. So when at home we might only have something like that once every 3 weeks. Cous cous and fruit in stews/tagines/curries he really hates. I just don't cook them when he's here. DH hates baked beans, I don't make him eat them either and I don't like cucumber.

It's not too tricky if there are few dislikes and a small family. I can't comment re chicken nuggets as we've never bought them

My DC doesn't like sausages but will eat pastry sausage rolls so I make him these for sausage and mash, cooked breakfast etc. It means we can still have a similar meal but with our own personal preferences.

I don't think that forcing anyone to eat anything is ever going to end well.

I serve dinner to the centre of the table and everyone helps themselves. If the teens don’t like what is on offer then they can make something else themselves. If the small kids don’t like what’s on offer then I’ll encourage but then offer toast/cereal/porridge/banana so they don’t go to bed hungry.

I am not running a cafe. I cook a family meal and serve it.

I never did this to my child.
My parents did it to me and my relationship with food has been a mess my entire adult
life. Working on it now.
There are so many good alternatives available that there’s no need.
How would you force a teen to eat anyway?

From the OP's description it sounds like she means "don't make another meal" not "sit with a spoon putting it in their mouth".

@HappyAsASandboy we find that offering an easy to eat alternative prevents our DCs from trying new foods.

There's always something they definitely like on the table and nobody is stuffing it down their throats. But we do not offer cereal or toast as an alternative and they need to try a bite of everything (as in, if it's a salad with cheese in, DS will eat the salad but he needs to taste the cheese, no more than a taste is required). He can't just decide to have a bowl of cereal instead.

It's known as the division of responsibility - adults decide what's for a meal and when it's served. Children decide how much is eaten.

We do make exceptions for a very few foods that few of us like (where few usually = 1). I have liver when I'm eating out. DH has steak pudding from the chip shop. Blue cheese is an incredibly strong taste so while DS did ask to try it once we know it's a very Marmite thing and he doesn't have to try it again. And that also applies to actual Marmite, which only I like.

We don't make exceptions for major food groups (vegetables, starches, proteins) and that's how DS now likes chicken, and DD at least moans less if we have boiled instead of puréed potato.

"It's known as the division of responsibility - adults decide what's for a meal and when it's served. Children decide how much is eaten."

and what if that decision is none of it? What if that decision is "I am not putting that in my mouth because it stinks?"

As you will have read if you looked at my whole post - there's always something that each person likes.

But this is a good principle (and it's what clinicians recommend) for eating disorders - that way there's no negotiation over "healthy" foods or trying to control parents.

But nobody in our house will starve if they decide not to eat a whole meal, nor will they starve if denied snacks. We are all well fed, some more so than others. Not grazing through the day is a good way to ensure more new foods are eaten at dinner time, too.

I really think we have lost sight of what a balanced diet is both in terms of how much, and when to eat.

Are you forced to eat dinner you don't like?

Yes, the division of responsibility is absolutely what I endorse. I serve it, and they eat (or don’t) whatever of it they wish.

As a fall back, because I won’t send them to bed hungry, they can make themselves toast/cereal/porridge (and pasta/omelette etc now some of them are teens).

I only cook one family meal (though I may serve it “separately” ie spaghetti in one serving bowl, bolognese in another serving bowl, cheese in another service bowl). They eat it or they don’t. They get something boring and plain if they don’t want the main meal.

Thats the division of responsibility in my mind. I serve, and then it is in their hands.

I’ll never make an issue of food by cajoling, or ordering them to eat just two bites, or bribing them with no pudding unless you eat mains. Food should be a joy.

Does my method work? I have one teen who will try most things but isn’t an adventurous eater, one teen who has a limited diet of beige safe foods, one pre-teen who will try absolutely anything (snails - fine, haggis - delicious, all shellfish - he’d kill for it) and one young primary kid who will eat virtually everything (but drew the line a the expensive white strawberries I bought because they were “just wrong”!).

I don’t know how to do it any differently without becoming a cafe (and I’d lose my shit with that) or becoming a nag (I’d create more issues with that) or sending the to bed hungry, which I just won’t do. It’s working for me, mostly.

A previous colleague, early 30’s, was the child made to sit and eat food she didn’t like and wasn’t allowed to leave the table, even if it took hours, until her plate was clean.

Certain foods now trigger her and her relationship with her parents is strained.

You should probably be forced to read the thread before commenting.....

If my children (teens) don’t like it then they wouldn’t eat it. I just don’t give them things they don’t like. It’s a case of ‘pick your battles’.

Sorry I missed this response - your childhood eating experience sound awful. I was a fussy eater as a child, I hated meat and two veg type dinners, for a long time I was not offered an alternative and so I just didn’t eat dinner, I was painfully thin. I’m not at all fussy now.
When the kids were younger we’d play a game where we’d all chose something from the menu, we’d try not to duplicate and we’d rotate the plates when everyone finished a quarter - really helped the kids feel more confident about eating something new. Dh and I often do this when we eat out together - it reduces the risk of you choosing badly and not liking you food. Might help give you courage to try something slightly different?

Not with sausage, no, I’d settle for the alternative. We do insist that our incredibly faddy youngest tries a ‘colour food’, ie veg. Just a single piece (not a bite as it’s already chopped, a piece) of veg, in the hope of widening food tastes or at least not just slamming the door. He’s autistic and eats no veg or fruit at all otherwise. We have got him to the point of eating a few peas (like,12) and an occasional smoothie that way.

I kind of do, every other week. She doesn’t hate it, just doesn’t like it , but it’s the only way to get some form of veg(any veg) into her. Yes, she is fussy as fuck.