Do you force your teenager

[ItsLightheartedHonest]

To eat food they don't like for their evening meal?
For example, if you are having a relatively unhealthy evening meal such as sausage, chips and beans and you know your teen hates sausage do you serve it to them and expect them to eat it or would you replace the sausage with something equally unhealthy like chicken nuggets etc?
Said teenager is not overweight, and generally eats plenty of fruit and vegetables.

Yes, because polite adults eat what's on offer.
Would you go round to a friend or relative's house and say "oh yuck, no, I don't like sausages. Can you make me something else?"
I don't want to bring up my children to be like that.

I don't plan meals that people don't want to eat whether that person is a child, a teenager or an adult. One meal for everyone that everyone likes. Meals are our sociable time in the day, so why make somebody miserable when you don't have to?

I'm talking things like liver and onion, tripe, beef stew that had been boiling for half a day etc.
I wouldn't be allowed toast/cereal if I couldn't stomach it and it wasn't an option to make my own meal separately. This went on until I was at least 18.

When kids were younger I made one meal and encouraged them to at least try it, didn’t offer pizza, nuggets etc until they were much older and understood these things should only be eaten occasionally. All my teenagers are now relatively infussy eaters and that’s because they tried lots of new things when they were younger and still like to try new things. Now if they genuinely didn’t like something I’d swap it out for something else yes but only now they’re older.

No. One of my DS's is vegetarian so we mostly eat veggie stuff. If we fancy sausage chips and beans I'll do him a veggie sausage but in your example it's no extra bother to do nuggets instead if you really want sausage chips and beans. It will just be wasted if they don't eat it and they will hardly come to harm from not eating a sausage. It's not like trying to make them eat vegetables, in which case I would put it on their plate and suggest they have some.

No, forced eating is not good for anyone. I choose meals we all like, if ds is out DH and I have carbonara or fish as DS doesn't like them.
There are loads of things I like that no one else does, mushrooms, aubergine, prawns for example so I have them for lunch or if they are out.

Those things sound revolting. You were abused in that respect.

Not in this particular example. I push veggies and salads and fruit towards her. But no processed protein. She cooks if she does not fancy what is on offer, since she was 14-15 years old.

If we allowed our DS toast or cereal every day instead of the evening meal he'd never eat any protein.
So no, these are not an alternative to dinner.
If 3 out of 4 liked liver, and one didn't, we'd have it and expect the one who didn't like it to taste but no more.
As it happens, you are mentioning less commonly liked foods, if we lived in the 1950s on one manual labourer's wage liver might indeed be the one thing we could afford but luckily it isn't and only one of the family likes liver (so they can have it when they are alone or at a restaurant).
But DS has only recently started eating chicken and ditto wraps which the other three like. He's come to like them through them being on the table time after time. If we'd said "oh just have cereal" he would never have started eating them.
And that would mean a restricted diet for the rest of us (or cooking something extra).

So I think your absolute "why would I cook something they don't like, how cruel" needs to be balanced with "how do I bring up a functioning adult". I know DS is likely to have wraps and chicken served at school. You know your DS is likely to go to a friend's house and be served sausages. I want him to be equipped for that. Why don't you want your DS to be equipped?

Neither of our DS is likely to be served liver anywhere...

Absolutely not. I'd give them something else, or they'd fix themselves something

So did I. I got a smack for being insolent so I didn't say it again.

I think the OP means things you know they genuinely dont like. My son isn't too bothered about chicken fajitas but eats them. However I know he does not like fish or eggs so I won't make them for him. I don't like aubergine, no matter how many times I've tried it it's horrible. I would not appreciate DH cooking dinner and cooking moussaka and making me eat it, so I'm not doing that to anyone else.
My son will willingly try new foods..

No if I’m making something they don’t like for the other kids for dinner I will ask if they want it or want to sort themselves out. If they make something themselves they know to make a proper meal (usually some form of pasta) most of the time I make something everyone likes.

I knew that DS genuinely didn't like wraps. Or chicken. He'd said it before. But based on previous evidence, people's tastes can change. He now eats chicken in most forms and we have to lock up the wraps for fajitas or he'll eat them all before I get a chance to cook.

I didn't like olives as a child or a teenager. I wouldn't expect a group of people all of whom liked them to avoid them for me.
To use your example of moussaka, if everyone but me liked them I'd eat round them. If your DH was the only one who liked them, that would be a bit pointless. But one member of the family doesn't get to restrict the whole family's diet. 3 out of 4 get the majority vote.

There were a lot of things I couldn't eat (there are a few that I still avoid). It was mostly the texture; and just putting some things in my mouth would make me retch uncontrollably or even throw up. Interestingly, a dentist once told me that I had far and away the most powerful gag reflex she'd ever come across in her entire career. So I don't think I was simply being 'fussy' at all. I couldn't help it. I dreaded mealtimes as a child.

When people use the term 'fussy eater' it gives me the absolute rage.

@OutOfApricots presumably you came to like some foods by trying them? Rather than just spontaneously thinking "hey I haven't eaten cheese for 20 years but now I know I like it"?

Polite adults would check with their friends first on whether they eat something before inviting them round for a meal......

Well we’ve never force fed our ds anything! What do you mean by “force” anyway?
Very occasionally we might serve a meal that he doesn’t particularly like, it’s totally up to him if he eats it or not - he pretty much always does!
I won’t be one of these mums that cooks separate meals for everyone in the house!

I expect my children, including the teen, to eat what's served but I know which foods they really really don't like so I don't serve them but if its just something they dislike a bit or aren't too keen on then they eat it. For instance my teen isn't keen on carrots but we have them most days, I just make sure she doesn't get too many when dishing up, but raw tomatoes she really hates so when we have salad on the side I make a little salad sans tomatoes for her.
They get no choice over food at school, there's no options to choose from so I considered it important to try and make them used to eating foods they don't particularly like otherwise some days they'd be really hungry at school. My teen is really fussy but she will still eat what's offered, but as she gets older and often isn't home at dinner time because of sports training, she gets to choose whether to eat leftovers or make herself something.

I serve reasonably a nutritionally balanced meals that they either enjoy or at least tolerate, and avoid cooking meals that they strongly dislike.There is always toast and fruit available to fill up on later if they wish.

If there's a food that someone strongly dislikes, we have it when that person's out, which by the teenage years is not infrequently. Everyone looks forward to my working late so they can have steak and kidney pudding .

No I don't force them to eat something they don't like. How would you like to be forced to eat a meal you don't like? One of my teens is autistic and very set in her ways so even if I bribed her or threatened starvation, there are certain foods she will never eat. If we are all having a meal I know she hates I will do her something simple but filling.

No just swap bits out if they genuinely don’t like it. For example we are having jacket potatoes with cheese and salad. Dd won’t eat salad so she will have tuna and sweet corn. If she doesn’t like what we are having she will make herself something, usually some sort of pasta or wrap.

Really, you run the whole menu by all visiting adults and children including all ingredients?
Presumably you don't have that many guests and you don't have them stay that long.
We used to go to my grandparents for weeks at a time as a child/teenager. They didn't run every dish past the whole family!
If your teen is going to a new BF/GF house then obviously checking who's veggie or allergic to something is a minimum but if the host is cooking, say, tacos or pizza, would you actually say "ok so the meat has garlic, cumin, onions, chilli peppers, tomato puree, I'm doing grated Gouda, is that ok or shall I get cheddar, the guacamole has tomato and garlic in it, there's a bottle of salsa, shall I read you all the ingredients".
Whatever happened to being a good guest and not making a fuss???

If it’s something that can easily be swapped out then yes I would, but if the meal isn’t adaptable they have the option to eat or prepare themselves something else

Oh and it works both ways - DP and DS both love fish which I don’t eat so I’ll cook for them and usually swap the fish for chicken on my plate

I think generally by the teenage years they know what they do and don’t like and as a parent you know whether a food is a ‘not keen on but will eat’ or ‘cannot stomach’.
One of my teens doesn’t like cottage pie or shepherd’s pie. He’s tried them a lot throughout childhood. While he’d give it a go it’s always been obvious he doesn’t enjoy it so I don’t see the point in serving it for him and will usually defrost him a portion of something else on those nights.
On the other hand he doesn’t love a roast dinner but will happily eat enough elements of it that he’s still getting a decent meal. So while he’d never pick it from a menu he will still eat it and I wouldn’t cook him anything else on those days. Of course if he said he didn’t want it he would cook something else for himself.