What do 17 year olds expect at a party? Just to get a broad idea.

[queenceleste]

Dd is 18 this year and we are thinking of her having a party at home for her 18th.
She has been to very few so isn’t sure what is generally a good offer if you like.
My sister had a daughter who had some house wrecking parties son am a bit nervous.
I have a few questions

can parents be present but out of the way?

how do you manage alcohol with a mixed age group of year 12s?

is pizza, mocktails, snacks, cake etc enough?

I was a teenager so long ago that I have no idea how it’s done but I would love to have some pointers to encourage me.
We don’t have a very huge grand house though. My insecurity makes me hesitate in case her mates are snooty but maybe they’ll just be happy to have a party. But I just don’t know how other people manage it with confidence.

You’re brave. No way would I have hosted a party for my DC 18th. They just went out to pubs with their friends and had a great time.

Booze and sex 😆

ket

that’s great to hear, thank you, I feel very torn on the subject.

what is it about the parents who do allow it? My sister’s daughter had some crazy parties.

This social group don’t go to the pub much yet also most of her friends won’t be 18 for ages

how do you manage alcohol with a mixed age group of year 12s?

They’re all going to drink. A 17 year old isn’t going to abstain because they are 17.

🙈🙈🙈😆

17 year olds would be expecting to drink at an 18th birthday house party, it’s the benefit of a house not a pub/ club.

I’d expect alcohol (I’d provide stubby beer bottles and aloxpops but expect kids to smuggle in spirits), there’ll be some shagging (lock your bedroom door). And someone will be sick.

Don’t they have fake ID?

whats the minimum number you can invite do you think? 😆(she asks hiding under the sofa and losing her nerve)

I don’t know about the fake ID Thing!

I do think it sounds a bit weird either have a dinner party for like five or six kids or tell them to piss off to the pub

They won't care about the house

Thanks, but don’t they need ID?

My son 17 recently had house party and I discovered 2 great hacks. 1. The blue sticky film builders use put it all over your floors especially carpets and 2. Outdoor furniture cover for any sofas that is staying put.

what to expect more people than invited will turn up. Never leave them unattended. Have enough loos! I wouldn’t bother with food just provide mixers and if you’re feeling generous beer.

good luck 🤞

They’ll all expect to drink. They might turn up drunk. At least one person will smuggle a bottle of cheap vodka in. Someone will pass out or/and be sick. People will try and shag (even if it’s just girls trust me!)
did you really say parents stay?!
dont do it op, it will be deemed either crap, or if it’s half-decent to them then it will be out of control

Thank you this is all putting me off! But what about a dinner party for about 10?

Do they actually want a dinner party or an actual party?

It will almost certainly be fine, but you have to accept that it might get a bit messy, like many 18th birthday parties!

i don’t think anyone can answer these questions for you. It completely depends on the kids.

My DD has been going to house parties since she was 15. There is always a lot of drinking going on. She has also been going to the pub since she was 16. Her crowd is very much a party party party crowd.

My friend’s DD is the complete opposite. Has never had much booze aside from the odd small glass of wine at dinner. She had a party at home for her 18th and everyone had left to go home to bed by midnight. They’re a very quiet crowd.

My DS had an 18th at home - luckily our attached neighbours were away(we knew this) as it sounded like a nightclub when we got back!
We stocked the fridge with beers and some soft drinks, had crisps and other snacks out. Ashtrays in garden etc.
The (small) kitchen diner leads out to the garden and the downstairs toilet is next to the kitchen so that worked well.
We went out for the evening - no way were we going to be in the house! We snuck upstairs when we got in.
I don’t remember any lasting damage really - there was some blood(!)!- as someone had dropped a bottle.

We’ve had house parties here. For me 45 was too many and I was cross at dd as I’d said max 30 with it being a smallish terraced house. All depends on space etc

if you have a big garden or space to put a marquee/one of those inflatable nightclubs then great. Try and get them to stay outside if possible it helps with the mess.

They will drink but lots will bring their own I said I’d buy mixers, beers and ciders but not hard spirits as quite frankly didn’t want them downing them and passing out as I knew they’d bring their own just said I wasn’t supplying it.

Fake ID is out and borrowing ID’s off people that looks like you is in round here. Bouncers and clubs/bars have ways to check ID’s and the fake ones don’t have the verification required plus half the time the ink rubs off. People will say ‘oh my boyfriends mate looks like him - I’ll get that one for you to borrow’.

Maybe you move in different circles but if I’d have suggested a dinner party for my dc’s 18ths they would have not stopped laughing for hours.

We had about 20

We segregated the house and put tent and gazebo into the garden where there was also sports equipment.

They had access to the kitchen, downstairs loo via back door and conservatory. (all hard floors)

We kept the lounge & upstairs for ourselves.

Warn the neighbours.

Ours mostly stayed over - girls were indoors, boys were in tent. Everyone had access to loo.

We provided snack food and some alcohol - little beers, fruity cider and cans of cocktails.

Someone did throw up. I did have to have a word with birthday child to tell people to wind their neck in occasionally and someone went wandering in the middle of the night (I think went home in the end).

Oh for pass the parcel and musical chairs.

While I agree with what PPs have said about fully expecting them all to drink regardless of whether they're 17 or 18, and where there are teenagers drinking, being sick and/or falling over is a not unnatural consequence, beyond that in terms of expectations it does depend a lot on the kid and their friends. With my boy he and his friends were a pretty quiet and nerdy lot so they were happy with a small group (5 or 6 I think it was), beers and pizza and playstation/a movie on the telly - inevitably with the beers being involved someone did have too many (or maybe they brought something stronger to put in them) and got sick and someone else fell over the coffee table and smashed a vase but felt overall we'd gotten off fairly lightly. We went out for dinner so they were trusted to have the house to themselves for a while, came back around 11 and went to bed with earplugs but were there if there's been any genuine emergency!

With elder DD she wanted more of a party-party for a big group, which we weren't really prepared to accommodate at home so we did a little pre event with champagne and some decorations and snacks at home for her closest friends until about 9/10pm then they went on into town clubbing with a bigger group. With younger DD she didn't want anything at home at all so just went out. I didn't enquire too much about how they managed with the mixed age group but I suspect fake ID probably involved!

Some of both DD's friendship circles had quite elaborate and fancy events at home with marquees and DJs and catering etc with a lot of guests and some had quite out of control house parties that I would not want in my house whatsoever!

So I think basically let your DD lead on what she'd like but don't feel bad about pushing back. If she's up for something at home I think a small group of 5-6 friends with pizza or snacks and maybe a small amount of sanctioned drinking isn't wildly unreasonable or unusual?

Don’t do it op, as someone who attended many house parties as a teenager just don’t unless you’re well prepared.

Thank you all so much for all your experience and advice. It’s hugely helpful to hear what ways you’ve approached it.

What do you think is the smallest number to have and for it still to feel like a party?