Reasonable amount to request from DD

[Puddleduck2013]

DD 18 has recently started a full time job with a very impressive starting salary of £29k!

I think it’s important she starts contributing especially as I’m on my own and earn a modest amount.
It’s the principle as much as anything else, she is a shocking spender and seems to spend every penny she earns. I may well end up saving what she contributes and giving it back at some point but she doesn’t need to know that.

My dilemma is how much to request. She brings home about £2000, pays a car loan of about £200 pm but that’s it.
She sleeps over at her bf’s at least 3 nights and her Dad’s maybe once a week.
however this is her base, all her belongings are her, does her washing her etc.

what would be a reasonable amount?

I'd try to vaguely work it out so that you can show her if she complains-

• half the council tax (let's say £80/month)

-food 3 days a week (£120ish per month) -share of utility bills for 3 days a week (£60 per month?)

I'd also talk to her about opening a LISA. She can easily afford eg £250/month to you and £250 into a LISA. She will never find it so easy to save again in her life so it would be a shame not to.

OP's daughter has done brilliantly. It should be a source of pride to be able to pay your own way at 18, not resented.

£300 is far cheaper than any place she could get on her own, and the parental safety net is still there. If at any point her job falls through at any point she is not going to be evicted or have to go to foodbanks.

Especially when the reason that they are low earning is often due to having had to sacrifice their career/work reduced hours etc to bring up the child

I’m not against charging something for food etc, but this argument seems silly. Sacrifice? Parents choose to have their children, they don’t ask to be born.

Agree. Plus surely by that metric higher earning parents have often sacrificed even more in terms of educations, hours, extra responsibilities etc.

The OP said she might do that:
I may well end up saving what she contributes and giving it back at some point but she doesn’t need to know that.
Did you miss that part?

You sound like you have a big chip on your shoulder.

expecting her to kick back that she’s always at her bf’s
Tell her she and her bf are perfectly at liberty to get their own place together.

My mum.used to take 1/3 , 40 years ago.
My kids 12 years ago l think l charged £50 a week, l didnt save any for them, l needed it for for food and bills, they ate alot.
I mean if she dosent like what you ask for she can move out cant she?
My son moved out with his girlfriend as he got annoyed with the £50 a week l charged each of them, 6 months later they both moved back year while they saved for a deposit and happily paid £500 a month for a room with all food and bills included 😅

I'd say 300 plus a compulsory 300 into savings as well. She'll be paying more than that if she wants to move out. Even if she moves in with her boyfriend, she'll be expected to split bills.

She's a grown up now. With a grown up job. She has to support herself.

I think I’d go £300 too. That gives her £1500 after expenses Which is a very decent disposal income amount!

Unless you need the money I’d save it. Ultimately for her wedding/house deposit etc.

her being at her boyfriends 3 days doesn’t really matter. You can’t rent the room out 3 days a week. If she were a lodger she’d pay whether she stayed in or out.

Then she can move out 🤷🏻‍♀️

What have you lost in allowances since she turned 18 and how much is the single person discount on council tax.. that is one way to look at it.

Another is to work out how much it costs to have her there 3 nights per week.. % of utilities usage, food, anything else you pay for her benefit.. or to consider if she were to leave .. would you downsize and how much your costs would go down..

Or.. consider that living costs usually represent X% of one's income, rent / mortgage Y% and suggest that she pays this to you and that you save this on her behalf, after covering the costs that you incur based on her living with you.

The last way, is in some ways infantilising, but in others, it is teaching her how to save and to live within what would be her means if she was trying to support herself on that salary.

Maybe a grown up conversation with your grown up daughter..

My DD is 18 and has just got her first full time job earning a similar amount. Ive told her she will have to give me 200 to help out with bills and cover the ctax discount I will loose.