Reasonable amount to request from DD

[Puddleduck2013]

DD 18 has recently started a full time job with a very impressive starting salary of £29k!

I think it’s important she starts contributing especially as I’m on my own and earn a modest amount.
It’s the principle as much as anything else, she is a shocking spender and seems to spend every penny she earns. I may well end up saving what she contributes and giving it back at some point but she doesn’t need to know that.

My dilemma is how much to request. She brings home about £2000, pays a car loan of about £200 pm but that’s it.
She sleeps over at her bf’s at least 3 nights and her Dad’s maybe once a week.
however this is her base, all her belongings are her, does her washing her etc.

what would be a reasonable amount?

Look at all your bills inc food spend (unless she covers her own) and take it from there.

don take the money for you. Make her put it in a private pension or a separate account for a house deposit later on.

Calculate her council tax, utilities and food and charge that.
She has disposable income so its not unreasonable.

Id probably take £250pm but im a bit soft
Out of interest what job is she doing? Impressive salary for an 18 year old, what did she do at college? Just after ideas for my children after college

25% of take-home pay.

Well for starters if she wasnt living with you then you'd have a 25pc single person discount on council tax. That's a genuine cost to you. She will use some utility etc so perhaps do a rough calculation of the cost of her being there and offer that as a starter for 10?

I’d say £250/month. That should cover you losing single person discount and food pretty much. Whether you want to put £50 of that aside and give it back when she’s looking to get her own place is up to you - my DD is a great saver and budgeter , my son bleeds money.

If you’re saving it for her - consider 20% of take home ie £400; then maybe take another £100-200 to contribute to the household

For 3 night per week - that seems steep!

This is such a privileged take. OP said she's a low earner, and had presumably been raising at least one child for 18 years for free. She needs the income.

Pretending to take board from your kid just to give it back to them is, I guess, nice if you can afford to support an additional adult but unreasonable for most people and, I suspect, doesn't actually teach them anything about independence because at the end of it all the lesson is - mum/dad will give me a big lump of money when I need it.

I would say about £250-£300 a month to cover utilities, c tax and basic food etc. If she wants anything fancy in the toiletries or food line she buys it herself.

I gave my mother what was considered average among my friends and a bit more. There was no negotiation because I was paid by bank transfer in my first job so my parents never knew how much I earned.

My dc have been told they will be paying 25% of there income as rent/food/bill contribution (we are a low income family so won’t be able to support them when they are adults) eldest did the math when she was thinking of leaving college, worked out how much it would cost to live on her own, and decided to stick out college 😂

I never understand people who take money from their adult children just to save it for them.

if you don’t need the money, get them to save it instead.

Fine to get them to cover their costs; fine to charge more than their costs if you need the money, but I don’t get why you’d charge them otherwise. It seems somewhat controlling.

Interesting that this is considered a good starting salary. The national minimum wage for a 40hr working week is £25,396.

I would ask her for £400 per month (which is cheap!)

lol my parents made me pay market rent (actually £50 under market) and that got me out pretty quickly. Still brought the house in 2022 at 23 but it was a lot of hard work and our first house was definitely a bit shit.

If I was gonna do it for my own child I’d probably charge half market rent for the first 18 months and then help them look for a place of their own, maybe pay the deposit and if possible use their digs money as an “emergency fund” for them if they needed help with their bills and rent early on while they learn the ropes of budgeting. Obviously only if I could afford that though. Saving their digs money and giving it back to them is nice and all but only if you can actually afford to do it.

Yes exactly. It's sold as a way of teaching independence but it's actually extremely paternalistic, whether or not it's done secretly.
I still think it's a nice thing to do if you're rich I guess but I don't think it's a good lesson in life, any more than bunging them £50,000 for their 21st birthday would be.

I think if she is with you for 3 nights a week then £300 seems reasonable but depends a bit on how much she eats/uses utilities etc

I think it depends on the job what’s a good salary. 9-5 in an office for 29k vs minimum wage shift work in a bar or kitchen for 40 hours a week is much more of a physical slog. Most minimum wage jobs (the ones I’ve worked anyway) are more physical and involve working unsocial hours.

don't take the money for you.

She's not taking the money 'for her'. She's asking an adult in full time work to contribute to the expenses of the house she lives in.

Does she contribute at her boyfriend's, or does she live for free there too?

I don't agree with the 'save it and give it back to them' idea.
Not everyone can afford to do that
And what does it teach the young person?

What would a lodger pay in your area? I think you have to start with some local figures, maybe charge half that?

She should definitely pay her share of food and bills, even if she doesn't pay any rent on the room. Because you shouldn't have to subsidise a full time wage earner.

When we were in this position we insisted they put 50% of take home pay into a savings account. But we were in a position where contributing to bills etc wasn’t important to us financially. What you could do is sit her down and educate her in what it costs to run the household, and perhaps point out the cost if a room in a shared house which is what she would have to pay if not able to stay at home. The worst thing to do is not save/pay anything as this means she will be used to ££ “disposable” income and never be able to “afford” to move out!

My parents took 1/4 rent and expected me to save 1/4. They then matched my savings when I moved out. But I’m it saying you need to do that but she should be paying her way.

Idk if this is helpful but since I moved back in with my parents after uni. I pay them £300 per month. We take turns to pay for household groceries, and things like takeaways if we're eating together e.g. Maccies.

Subscriptions like spotify/netflix I pay for the household. They also get (A LOT of tech support).

I'm autistic (flatshares were difficult at uni) so I don't think I'm likely to move out any time soon annoyingly.

I'm not sure if you've had a look at the job market recently. Tons of min wage job asking for ridiculous amounts of experience.
Id say 29k a year for an 18 year old with obviously limited experience is very good going

I know she wouldn’t save any of if I suggested that as an option instead.
Taking a contribution would definitely make my life a bit easier.

I’m going to ask for £300 - expecting her to kick back that she’s always at her bf’s