Reasonable amount to request from DD

[Puddleduck2013]

DD 18 has recently started a full time job with a very impressive starting salary of £29k!

I think it’s important she starts contributing especially as I’m on my own and earn a modest amount.
It’s the principle as much as anything else, she is a shocking spender and seems to spend every penny she earns. I may well end up saving what she contributes and giving it back at some point but she doesn’t need to know that.

My dilemma is how much to request. She brings home about £2000, pays a car loan of about £200 pm but that’s it.
She sleeps over at her bf’s at least 3 nights and her Dad’s maybe once a week.
however this is her base, all her belongings are her, does her washing her etc.

what would be a reasonable amount?

Cover the lost Council Tax discount and child benefit, you shouldn't have less in your own pocket because she is now earning.

Beyond that it depends - does she have 40 minute showers and use the cooker for hours a night for example.

Tbf she pays all her other own expenses.
I pay for food and utilities

Interesting that this is considered a good starting salary. The national minimum wage for a 40hr working week is £25,396

Not for an 18 year old, NMW full time would be less than that.
29K is a really good starting salary for someone straight out of school with no experience.

Lots of people grow up quite a lot between 18-mid twenties, so the parents might be doing this to help them with the transition. While I was the boring sensible one who would have saved money myself, lots of friends would have frittered away money if their parents hadn't charged rent, but by the time they got around to settling down and moving out, they were sensible with the money their parents were able to give.
The other thing is that these days you can't be sure about them moving out, so parents might want to take rent, hoping to present it as a present when they move out, but knowing that they might be there a lot longer, so want them used to paying it. Some parents think that charging makes them more likely to move out sooner.
My kids are still young, but I can see the arguments about rent from both sides, depends on your own child.

Charge her what it costs you to keep her. Provide facts and figures. Electricity, heating, council tax, water, food, laundry etc.

That is only fair and is WAY cheaper than her living in her own place and paying rent. I am a firm believer in ensuring that 'children' know how to budget and save before they leave home - and have an idea of what it costs to live. Otherwise it is just setting them up to fail. They should also have an idea of how to cook, change a lightbulb, do elementary clothing repairs (sewing on a button), read a meter, do their own laundry, empty a vacuum cleaner, clean a toilet... The basics.

I can’t imagine charging rent to my child.

She pays all of her expenses, you’d have to pay utilities anyway. And she spends half the week elsewhere. So it’s just her food you’re paying for. I’d just let her treat us to a nice home cooked tea or takeaway.

Sounds like she’s doing amazingly well for herself, you must be really proud of her.

I take 25% from DD23. I don't earn much and it's just me and her in a rented place. I struggle to pay the bills, she has plenty of disposable cash, yet somehow I still feel guilty taking it!!

My DS pays £60pw, which is a bargain compared to a room in a serviced house anywhere else, but makes quite a difference to me (other ds and his GF currently paying £1000pm for a room in shared living).

He's welcome to help himself to food and I ask if there's anything he wants when I'm shopping, but he's mostly buying his own main meals. He's also very helpful with DIY etc so saves me money there.

Charge her what it costs you to have her there for 3 nights a week. So 25% of CTax, any additional costs for food and utilities that she uses.

I find low earning adults who expect their adult offspring to subsidise their living costs really strange.

I’d say 300-400 but I’d save around £100-200 for her for when she gets her own place

I would say £400 per month. You could keep half and put the other half into a savings account for when she moves out.

1/3 of take home pay.
But no doubt there’ll be people on here accusing you of robbing your poor child etc. My first pay packet at 16 was £26.00 - £10 of that went straight to my Mum.

yep my Mum took 1/3 of take home. Used to moan like hell but totally get it now

And I find grown adults who expect their low earning parents to subsidise their living costs really strange.

I'd say 500. Even if you save some of it for her. She needs to get used to allocating some bigger bills, otherwise she'll be living way beyond her means when she does move out.

£300 is completely reasonable. If she doesn't like it she can find a flat or a house share.

Try to encourage her to get into a savings habit.

Also, warn her that if she is significantly better off than her friends she could fall into the trap of subbing them <bitter experience>.

Work out how much you would charge a lodger for a room and utilities and break it down for her. Give her a discount on that amount, but suggest she should also contribute to food in some way on the days she is there by either buying some in or cooking.

Maybe I’m in the minority but I wouldn’t have paid to live at either of my parents’ houses and was gone as soon as I could be at 18. Will she get a place with the boyfriend or move in there instead?

As she’s only with you 3 nights a week, and it’s still quite a low wage (although decent for her age), I’d say £200 maximum, less if she buys any meals out on those days herself.

I would encourage her to save and she should obviously be doing her share of the housework.

I find low earning adults who expect their adult offspring to subsidise their living costs really strange.

But you think It's ok for adults who are earning to expect their parents - and boyfriend, in this case - to cover their living costs?

The dd isn't being asked to subsidise her mother's living costs, she's being asked to contribute towards her own living costs. Why shouldn't she pay her way?

If a woman posted here that her bf spent three nights a week with her and didn't contribute to household expenses, posters would have a word to describe him.

Let her

what are your DD’s total outgoing costs for car insurance, tax, phone bill etc. she needs to be able to save a deposit to eventually move out, so taking 1/3 or 25% seems really steep. £250 would be a reasonable amount but everyone has a different opinion as we all have individual circumstances.

In my household, when my son turned 18 the only thing that changed was me not receiving child benefit for him. All other bills - council tax, food, electricity etc remained the same. I personally would rather he save a decent deposit to eventually move out than pay ‘rent’ to me.

You have options. My Dad charged me a minimal amount, squirrelled it away (unbeknownst to me) and gave it back to me for deposit and rent when I moved out. My neighbour charged her two sons each a third if the running costs of the house (my Mum thought that terribly unfair). Calculate her expenses, e.g, car, fuel, phone, any food/essentials she has to buy herself and a little spending money and choose a sum based on that. Impress on her the importance of budgeting/saving while she is young.

Did you miss the part where it's quite likely that she's earning more than the OP? Who's paying all the costs of a home, including full council tax that is large enough to have a room for her DD?

Many people face the very real choice of charging their child or being unable to cover the cost of running their home.

So all adults in the house need to contribute. Why should the OP struggle to pay the bills while the DD spends £2k pm, mostly on non essentials?

The household has three choices:

Adult DD pays towards household costs
The OP struggles financially while the DD spends all her money on fun
The DD moves out so the OP can get a lodger or downsize to a smaller property.

Surely the first option is the fairest?

Cover the lost Council Tax discount and child benefit, you shouldn't have less in your own pocket because she is now earning.

does she though? Because if her dd is now buying her own clothing etc etc then it evens out. Especially in this case where dd is only there 3 nights a week. Clawing back CB just seems a bit crass to me, everyone is aware this ends at 18, it’s not a surprise!