Partner terminally ill - should we get married?

[Butterbeanbutterbo]

My partner is terminally ill, probably now in final months of life, and we are considering getting married. We have been together over 20 years and have a now-adult child. What are the pros and cons of doing this? We know it would mean me being eligible for bereavement allowance once my partner dies. Also that we would have to change our wills to reflect the fact we’re married. Anything else we need to think about? Note we are below the inheritance tax threshold. I currently have power of attorney for health and finances.

Plenty info available online. People can and do carry out their own general research

But if they wish personalised advice for their own situation, better to seek advice from a solicitor with knowledge, qualifications and expertise

I'm so sorry you're in this situation.

My father died last month and most of the admin of it all fell to me. It was much easier to sort everything out on behalf of my mother because they were married, first of all because you don't have to bother with probate if you are married.

I am very very sorry for your situation, but I share the fairly general opinion that marriage would do no harm at all, and will make the inevitable burden of sorting out your mutual affairs very much simpler. I think that even if there are no wills, then the law would recognise a widow as the primary beneficiary under intestacy .

@Butterbeanbutterbo
it helped in that being married I could act immediately on sorting out DH estate - my green marriage certificate became an invincibility shield. I wasn’t on the deeds or mortgage or utilities (ct exception) - but by being married I faced no arguments in achieving whatever I needed to do - getting a mortgage break for a year with no interest added, dwp benefits easily sorted (not sure you would be eligible unwed). Dealing with HMRC and land registry was made much easier for the solicitor. Pensions were tricky and life assurance through work made me prove a 35 year relationship despite being married - so likely to have been longer if not impossible to sort in my favour. in general dealing with any institution was easier simply due to being married. (I’ve dealt with parental and in laws estates as well as DH)
In my limited experience, I was and am treated quite differently to being a widow, when I see how my friend who lost her partner is being treated. We worked at different places and both employers treated legal widows quite differently to unmarried partners when it came to bereavement leave / being signed off.

Firstly I am very sorry this is happening. My H was diagnosed with what could be terminal illness years ago and he said let's get married right away to protect you and make sure assets go to you. We'd been living together for several years and planned to marry but this made us do it sooner.

He recovered with some hellish treatments but looking back it was the right move. I'm American so laws differ of course but our concerns were my rights to make medical decisions if he was unable to communicate and if he died that I'd be homeless. You may be able to reduce risk with other legal decisions but as others have said what is the downside to marrying? I'd suggest you speak to a lawyer even a short visit could be helpful to clarify the situation.

I'm really sorry

It is available but it can be complicated and mistakes can happen. In this kind of case professional advice is a good thing.

Being married has no bearing on whether probate is needed, it’s more to do with the ownership and size of assets.

First of all I'm so sorry to hear your news.

I agree it makes good financial and administrative sense to get married, although I really hope it will also mean something to you emotionally.

I know someone whose partner died unexpectedly in his early 50s. Many years before (probably before he got together with this partner) he had made a will leaving his house to his by then adult children from a previous marriage. After he died, they claimed it and my acquaintance had to move out of the place she had called home for several years. She got back on her feet again eventually, but it was an added worry and source of sadness at what was already a very difficult time.

You may not find yourself in a comparable situation, but they say wills bring out the worst in people and he may have some long- lost relative somewhere who would be happy to claim precedence over you. I also know some people who recently got married after about 30 years just because they read about the legal advantages, although they're both in good health at the moment.

Short version: I think you should get married, and if you can make it a ceremony that means something special to the two of you personally, so much the better.

Right, but being married is the difference between banks releasing fairly low-value accounts immediately and not doing it. Believe me I've just rung what feels like every bank in the world.

Check out the private pension sion rules if he has one. I can't see a downside to getting married but will be complicated if he dies. Get your will's sorted out urgently.

Because it can be complicated! our solicitor pointed out, even in our simple wills, (everything left to grown up children, no grandchildren) if we didn't specify a particular option the default in law would apply which would be contrary to our wishes. the law is not always simple and expert legal advice is essential.

So sorry to hear this. Legal advice needed with full facts including things like pensions on the table.

TBH I don't think there are downsides to marrying so probably best to go for it.

Marriage is likely to invalidate current wills. Those need to be redone.

Has your partner got an SR1 form to get PIP and ESA/UC without the usual hoop jumping?

When my OH died one thing that made life so much easier was the fact that all our bank accounts, current and savings, were in joint names. As soon as you marry you need to get joint accounts or he needs to transfer the balance in his accounts into yours now.
It is so hard having to be dealing with all this legal stuff now I know, but I am sure he wants your life to be as easy as possible and it does need to be done.
I am so sorry for you both.

I am so sorry to read that your DP is in end of life. Please see a solicitor together and get your affairs in order, this will be one less thing to have to think about. Sending love and supportive hugs 💐

The information is probably available but not in one single codified format.

And when you have that information applying it in particular individuals circumstances isn't necessarily simple nor bound to provided binary Y/N answers.

Lots of what ifs.

I think if one party is sadly about to die, joint tenants is better so that the property passes 100% to the surviving party.

Yes, definitely get married (or a civil partnership) it will be easier to sort out when the time comes.

im very sorry you are going through this. DH is too, with me. I saw a solicitor and an IFA and in the end we all decided the best way to handle the next step was to get the civil partnership, I do feel that has really helped.

Fair enough. I’m sorry you had to go through that.

Maybe in this case it is. For us we were trying to protect our properties in a trust just incase someone needs care in old age. It means if one person dies or goes into a care home only the half of assets can be used to fund care costs as half of everything goes to our family.

Sorry you’re going through this.
My husband and I split nearly twenty years ago but never bothered getting divorced. He died, suddenly, 3 years ago. The fact that we were still married meant I was able to handle everything. It also meant I inherited his house. I sold it and gave the money (every penny) to my daughter. He had been her dad for over 25 years, but never officially adopted her. She would have got nothing.

I’m so sorry you are going through this. You do need to get married.

When my husband died unexpectedly, the marriage certificate was SO helpful in getting things sorted. It meant that cash left in my DHs personal bank account could be transferred deferred to me almost instantly. The wages that he was still owed from his employer came straight to me with no questions. It meant that I was able to arrange his funeral, as in give permission for his body to be released to the funeral director I chose and collect his ashes afterwards. It meant I could get Bereavement allowance easily, which I see you have already acknowledged, and was able to register the death and get the certificates needed. I was able to go into the Apple Store and get them to sort out his iPad so that I could use it as my own.

I can’t remember what else, but one of my friends who supported me a lot at the time straight after the death got married to her long term partner very soon afterwards because she could see how much more complicated basic things would have been without the marriage certificate and my name on the death certificate.

The only thing I'd add to the advice you've already had is to do it as quickly as possible - the last thing you need on top of everything else is for his illness to suddenly worsen to the point at which he loses capacity to marry.

Debts don’t get inherited in the UK.

The executor / administrator would need to settle debts from the estate as far as possible but if the estate doesn’t have enough value then that’s that.

if there is joint debt OP would continue to be liable but that would be the case whether they’re married or not.

It is available and free all the information is there
BUT advice and guidance is what you pay for
none of us are experts in these areas so that’s what you pay for

I know someone who married her long term partner/father of children on his death bed, they did not change the will on time, it totally messed the existing will up and caused long term issues that no one seem to know how to solve, after the husbands death it all went tits up, In this case it is now believed that the dying husband knew what he was doing - he wasn’t a nice man, in your situation I would absolutely get married but make sure legally it’s all put into the will. Sending you hugs and best wishes 🌸