Partner terminally ill - should we get married?

[Butterbeanbutterbo]

My partner is terminally ill, probably now in final months of life, and we are considering getting married. We have been together over 20 years and have a now-adult child. What are the pros and cons of doing this? We know it would mean me being eligible for bereavement allowance once my partner dies. Also that we would have to change our wills to reflect the fact we’re married. Anything else we need to think about? Note we are below the inheritance tax threshold. I currently have power of attorney for health and finances.

Thanks for the correction.

This is probably just a US thing so may not apply in the UK, but consider any liability you may incur for any debts he may leave behind.

I wish you and your DP strength and peace.

@comoatoupeira as pp have said there are just too many complexities. One pension providers rules will be different to another’s, same with banks for mortgages etc. Death benefits through work again- all different and require different approaches. When you are in this terrible situation, and wanting to just be with your loved one, getting specialist legal and financial advice as to what to do, what to ask for, what to sign or not can make a difference as to keeping a house or living in a car.
This isn’t a time for google, or advice from friends and family, it’s a time for professionals who will also be honest. Many of whom will give initial help and advice in such situations for free.

So sorry for the situation you are in. Getting married is a very wise decision. Many folk seem to be under the misapprehension that marriage is "just a piece of paper"
It isnt. Its a very important document x

I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. Get married quietly and simply. It will make life so much easier after he has passed away.

Not to throw a spinner into the works but could most, if not all, of this be achieved by entering into a civil partnership?
(Also done at a registry office, I believe.)
It might be an acceptable alternative if anyone has a strong objection to marriage, especially to any religious content.

So sorry to hear. A dear friends Brother only a few weeks ago passed away.
He had a partner for over 30 years, they just never got around to getting married. He was adamant she should have his x2 occupational pension when he passed away.
They married at his bedside 4 days before he passed away, beautiful but sad.

So sorry you are both facing this. Forget wasting time and money on a solicitor just to be told there are too many variables and risks in staying single at this point and a whole list of benefits is marrying. Sooner the better🌿

@tartyflette short answer - yes. Long answer - marriage is belt and braces and cannot be argued with by financial institutions no matter how hard they try. (Was investigated for marriage fraud after DH death. Been there and don’t want anyone else to ever go through that).

What a difficult time for you both. I'm not sure what the cons could be, other than if either of you had children with other people who might be disinherited.

I’m sorry you’re facing this difficult time.
There have been a few pieces on the radio/podcasts etc recently in light of the consultation on bereaved unmarried partners being considered which highlight some of the reasons why marriage or civil partnership are financially beneficial.
One of them is if the deceased has investments in ISAs there’s the somewhat confusing concept of ‘Additional Permitted Subscription’ - as I understand it, you don’t inherit the ISA as is, instead you can make a one off isa subscription of up to the same value within 3 years.

I agree with the advice to write new wills now in contemplation of marriage. However you may want to take extra care to ensure your partner has full capacity - if he is on strong medication that might impair his capacity then this needs to be considered. Often certain times of day are better than others in situations like this. Do get proper legal advice.

Yes, on balance of practicalities, I would get married. Why, because as a married partner, you can make decisions about treatment on their behalf as next of kin to just start. Next, if they have not yet started to collect state pension, you may be entitled to spousal inheritance or bereavement support. Next you may also be entitled to workplace pension benefits and Death in Service payments.

The practicalities for closing accounts, are much easier if you are a spouse... it is tough enough doing this, but a marriage will make it slightly less trying.

Very sorry you are in this situation. Hospitals are getting used to short notice bedside marriages and rally round to make it a bit special in many cases.

The long term partner of someone I know died suddenly and unexpectedly. They weren’t married and she didn’t have a will. Her relatives demanded their half of the house and he had to mortgage himself to the hilt and take in lodgers to keep the house.

But what really, really hurt was that he was not allowed any input into the funeral or the gravestone. He was a deeply religious man and that cut very deep.

Get married and have a lovely day (as far as possible it goes without saying).

If you always wanted to get married but couldn’t I’d say do it but if you never wanted to get married then don’t.

How awful awful for you and your partner..i don't have any advice but I remember the writer Ian Banks proposed to his partner with the words "will you do me the honour of being my widow?" I always thought it was very touching. Sending you both ether hugs.

Sending you both much love. Hope this Martin Lewis article is of help. 💐

Martin Lewis: Is being married financially worth it? The nine big benefits and how to use them to your advantage...

I honestly can’t think of any disadvantages in this situation. You do not need to change your name of course. Everything else will continue as is and you’ll get the statutory bereavement payments. Bonus if there are any pension or death in service benefits that may pass to you.

Is your dp under the care of a hospice? They are brilliant at helping people arrange weddings etc. and with advice financially.

There are financial and tax planning reasons to get married but also do you want your relationship to be legally recognised years from now, say your great great grandchildren are looking up their family tree, there would be a marriage certificate showing you were officially a couple. I’d want that, some people couldn’t care less.

Hello - thanks everyone for the advice. If anyone has specific info on how it helps deal with estate later that would be appreciated. Is it partly being able to talk about your husband? Also just to add that he only had a tiny pension and he has cashed that in. We’ve also cashed in life insurance under terminal illness clause, and he got a lump sum pay out from employer on leaving work. All of these were relatively small sums (which are partly spent as he hasn’t been earning for over 2 years now) and still well under IHT thresholds

Sorry you’re going through this OP. My aunt and uncle were in a similar boat. Donkeys years together, 2 kids, house etc and then he was diagnosed with terminal cancer. They married in the hospital so I think someone there can help sort it out quickly. Think being married helped with the property and pensions side of things x

I am so sorry you are going through this.
A friend got married in similar circumstances as, during her partner’s numerous hospital admissions prior to
his death, she felt that, when she said he was his partner, the default was to presume it was a short term relationship. She started referring to herself as wife even before they were legally married as it gave her more gravitas. She then decided she’d prefer to say she was widowed rather than her partner had died as it is almost a short hand for the type of relationship IYSWIM

I would put this other way, what downsides are there to being married? A new will maybe, anything else?

If he has a valid will then yes it probably doesn't make that much difference. But if the will has any gaps or question marks, then being married means that it all goes to you regardless.
As PP have said, it means you don't need to justify or explain things to anyone. So when he passes, the PoA immediately ceases and you may lose access to bank accounts etc. Being married just removes one step probably in terms of explaining things and getting access.
It's all doable just perhaps easier