Am I overthinking how to tell people about this?

[Favouritefruits]

My DS (8) has done ballet since he was 3. He only started because his older brother was doing it and he didn't want to miss out (very typical toddler logic!), but he's stuck with it and is actually very good now.
At his primary school (working-class northern town), the Royal Ballet ran a six-week workshop for all the Year 3 children. The kids absolutely loved it. At the end, a very small number of children can be invited to audition for the Junior Associates programme. Apparently it's quite unusual for anyone from the school to be selected.
Completely out of the blue, I received an email saying my son had been chosen to audition and that the audition fee would be waived because they felt he was a good fit. I honestly took him along for the experience and didn't expect anything to come of it.
I didn't tell anyone he was auditioning. Quite a few of the girls at his ballet school had done the workshop too and were disappointed not to be selected, and I didn't want to upset anyone or look as though I was bragging.
Well, I've now had another email saying he's been offered a place! I'm absolutely shocked and incredibly proud of him.
My problem is that I now need to tell people why he's leaving his current Saturday ballet class, as the Junior Associates classes are on the same day. In particular, I'll need to tell the parents of his two best friends at ballet, both of whom have daughters at the same school.
I'm worried it will look as though I deliberately kept it secret or that I'm showing off now. My intention was genuinely just to protect the feelings of the children who weren't selected.
Am I massively overthinking this? How would you tell people without it sounding boastful

Just keep it simple and straightforward. The more you tie yourself in knots the more chance it will come over as contrived - because that's exactly what it will be.

We know a girl who's national champion at her sport. We've watched her compete on TV. I remarked to her dad how well she'd done (she really was phenomenal) and he said "yeah she did well. A good day to have a good day." I think that was a really nice way to think about it - completely acknowledging how well she'd done but not making it about her-as-a-person, her identity, potential or anything.

He's done really well. I hope he loves it. It's a huge success for the ballet school too and they'll be shouting about it, so I'd tell your friends asap so they hear it from you first.

What your son has achieved is incredible but these parents will also know it’s less competitive for boys, and console themselves with that. I think it’ll actually go the other way, they’ll use this to make out it’s not a big deal- don’t let them ruin the shine 😁

Congratulations to your DS. That is marvellous and ballet is such good training for life. If you look at some of the male ballet dancers on Instagram you’ll see what height of physical fitness and artistry they can achieve. And they learn discipline and dance to beautiful music!

This isn’t people pleasing. I can imagine you’re attached to thinking this is because it makes you seem nice and kind but people pleasing isn’t nice or kind behaviour.

you sound more like you find the attention embarrassing and are really worried they’ll judge you as boastful. This is absolutely overthinking- and also centring yourself a little bit when it’s only about DS. Maybe look at your reaction a bit more honestly and ruthlessly.

My ds does a different sport.

IME other parents have been genuinely pleased when DS or others have been chosen for elite programmes.

you are over thinking it.

sanding they ask why you didn’t say anything just be honest “o didn’t expect anything to come of it and just wanted him to enjoy the experience”.

congratulations to your DS

Wow, that’s amazing! I’m sure everything will work out for the best but just wanted to say well done!

You are well out of it then.

Don’t even tell them just tell the people who run the class. All the very best and don’t downgrade this, it’s amazing and boast away!!!

Well then fuck em. If they are not kind why should you be handwringing about their feelings?

Waaay over thinking this - massive congrats for your son and just be happy and proud for him. Any real friends will be happy for him too

In all honesty I kind of see where OP is coming from here - especially when they’ve already made comments about being disappointed. I’d just say he’s going off to do different classes now. If they ask more questions you can be honest but I’d just lead with that as it sounds more humble I suppose

Just to give you a bit of food for thought, and perhaps a bit of disappointment, but it’s information that might give you a deprecating thing to say to nasty parents.

Thing is, at age 8, the RBS will be selecting for potential and body type and trainability as much as talent.

Girls start to separate out into those whose training could take them to professional work from 13-14 to 16 or so. Boys a little later as they develop later and their musculature can take time to develop. So make sure he gets the very best training you can find for him, but you won’t know what sort of a dancer he’ll be until 15 or 16.

The main thing is that he enjoys it along the way. The JA scheme brings children together who are all keen on ballet and they can geek out together- something that isn’t always easy in ordinary schools and local dance studios especially for boys.

Just tell the truth: he auditioned, you've found out he was accepted and you're hopeful he'll adjust to the change and especially the demands of the program.
If parents are keen to chat about it, add that you want to be supportive, but careful not to push as he is still so young and you want to make sure he is enjoying it and not feeling pressured.

Then you have no obligation to worry about hurting their feelings if they’re just going to bitch about you behind your back.

You could say that you only took him to audition for the experience. And you could say that he was only picked because he’s a boy and I’m guessing there are less boys that feel a passion for it. But that won’t stop them if they’re those sorts of parents. So enjoy his achievements. These aren’t your friends and you won’t have to spend time with them anymore.

That's amazing. You must be so proud. Please don't worry about what other people say. If they say anything,then fuck em. Well done your lad 👍

Well done to your DS @Favouritefruits

Yes you’re overthinking this, but that’s because you’re a nice person. You mention that the other parents aren’t nice, so either just don’t mention it, leave, and let them hear it through the grapevine, or just tell them the truth, then walk away. You owe them nothing. Their opinions mean nothing.

That's amazing, your son has done really well

You're totally overthinking it

Just say : yeah he's stopping these classes because he's been accepted into Junior associates

Your son has done amazingly well. Focus more on being proud of him rather than your own feelings which are actually irrelevant.

Just tell them. What a wonderful opportunity! My dd does trampolining. She’s very good, but there are boys who are better and get offered more opportunities than her because boys are like gold dust in the sport. Not saying that ds only got a place because he’s a boy! But the reality is that the field of competition will be different for girls than for boys and I would absolutely never take that personally. I wouldn’t take it personally if he was a girl either but it would make it more delicate to explain. I’d be thrilled for you as a friend.

@Favouritefruits Well done to your DS, it genuinely is a massive achievement. The RBS is very choosy indeed, so congratulations.

By the way, and just in case you didn't realise, the associate programme is supposed to be in addition to regular ballet classes with the local teacher. It is not intended as a replacement for them. So if his current dance school class is on a Saturday and JAs will clash with that, you need to talk to his current teacher and find out whether they can put him in another class during the week instead. If they can't accommodate him, you will need to find another local dance school where he can continue his regular lessons. Just make sure it's a good one.

Ignore the bitchy Dance Moms, they'll learn the error of their ways soon enough.