Tutor turned up at my house at 9.45pm over a negative Google review – what would you do?

[Booyou123]

Hi everyone

I’m still quite shaken up by this and would appreciate some thoughts and perspectives.

My son attended a private tutor for about a year at the start of Year 5 for the 11 plus exam. After we stopped using her services, I left an honest Google review based on our experience. It wasn’t abusive or offensive, just a negative review.

The tutor was extremely upset by it. She repeatedly called me and my husband, sent so many emotional voice notes and messages, and even contacted my sister-in-law (who also has used her tutoring services) multiple times because she knows her. She told my sister in law that if I don’t take the review down, she’s calling the police as I am violating her business.

The part that has really terrified and shocked me is that she then turned up unannounced at my house at around 9.45pm. She was banging on the door and windows, demanding to speak to me about the review. She was absolutely hysterical, crying and sending me messages begging me to take the review down.

My children were in the house and ran upstairs because they were scared. My son was crying and very frightened, and asked why his teacher was there banging on the door.

I called the police afterwards and was advised to document everything. They couldn’t deploy anyone as they had some major incident in Woolwich, London. They told me that if there were further incidents, the behaviour could potentially amount to harassment.

Since then, she has sent a message apologising for coming to my house, saying she will never do it again and won’t contact me further.

What is bothering me most is that she only knew where we lived because of her professional relationship with our family. I can’t get past the feeling that using a client’s address to turn up at their home over a Google review is a huge breach of professional boundaries, maybe even DBS and goodness knows what else.

Part of me thinks I should just accept the apology and move on. Another part of me feels this was so inappropriate that I should take it further. She’s a woman who runs a professional tutoring company, and she was completely unhinged.

What would you do in my position?

The tutor has apologised and said she won't contact OP again. So there is no further harrassment or despair to report.

It feels like every Mumsnet thread derails these days into a character assassination of the OP…

Irrespective of your personal opinion on grammar schools, or tutoring, or whether OP’s review is unfair or not - it is absolutely not reasonable for the tutor to arrive at the OPs home at 9.45pm and start banging on her door. And if the reasons for that are that the tutor is suffering with her mental health to the point she is unable to control her behaviour she shouldn’t be working with children.

Even if the OP hadn’t spoken to the tutor first about her concerns, or her expectations were unreasonable, or the review was really unfair (none of which I think is the case here) the tutor was WAY out of line. That is OPs HOME and the home of her CHILDREN. Reasonable professional people do not turn up at other people’s homes unannounced, especially at that time of night, and start kicking off. I am not surprised the OP and her children were frightened and I don’t truly believe anybody posting on here having a go at the OP would not also have frightened in the circumstances.

I'd just like to add that when I was a tutor, the Feedback that I got the most often, was that I had improved the child's confidence tremendously.

For me, that was job done. If the kid could walk into their gcse exam confident of what they were expected to do that was wonderful.

This thread is full of the parent and the tutor. What about the poor child in the middle of all this? How does he feel? His confidence must be rock bottom. He is getting the message that he is shit. Kids are very good at picking up vibes.

Why do you need a tutor anyway? As a primary school teacher can you not do this yourself?

The issues that you have with the tutoring company sound like money making ploys to me, and would have occured regardless of the child.

Is there a consumer watchdog, professional body or tutoring board which you could make a confidential complaint to?

As for the negative responses to your post, it's hard to make a "what would you do" suggestion without knowing the full context, so possibly providing that context at the start would have prevented those responses.

Wow, 829 posts into the thread and you’re the very first person to suggest that 🙄

Good for you for keeping the review up . Noone should be intimidated into silence. She's very lucky you are not updating your review ( you'd be well within your rights to.)
Although its understandable you feel scared, surely she will not harrass further now police have been involved and you have your ring footage.

What is the point of reviews if they only have the positive ones?

I think you’re the one that should call
the police?

Interesting that you take the assurances of someone whose MH (supposedly) led her to violate professional ethics and stalk snd harrass OP at home at face value. I wouldn’t. I would absolutely log all threats with the police.

Wow, some of the posts on here are bizarre and it seems a good many posters are jumping to conclusions and/or making judgments without reading what the OP has stated.

The crux of the issue here is that it’s it’s utterly unreasonable to use an address given in a business context to harass someone - regardless of the time of day but especially so late in the evening.

The response was completely unprofessional in the context of a poor review (challenge it professionally online if you disagree).

The fact that this woman works with children and went to the home of children who she tutors in a distressed state is a serious issue.

If she has MH concerns that led to this behaviour then she needs to rethink her position/step back and get well.

The OP had every right to leave a review about a service being sub-standard and overpriced.

I wonder if any other parents perhaps did similar and then removed their reviews after experiencing similar bullying tactics?

Stand firm @Booyou123. I’m pleased you have let the review stand and I’m sorry you were subjected not only to the unpleasant behaviour of this woman, but also some of the many comments on here.

Tutoring seems to have gone off the scale for 11+ in comparison with when my children took it approximately 15 years ago! They had a tutor for 45 mins a week for a couple of terms prior to exam and did a couple of practice papers a week ..this was the norm for all their cohort.£20 a session. Same amount of competition but parents were more realistic about their children’s capabilities.
Spending £800 a month on tutoring is absolutely crazy

It is crazy yes, but you have the luxury of saying this because you and your kids went through without this insane level of competition that parents face now.

What is the point of saying that yours got through much easier. Ours are facing this now.

What would you do as a parent now?

Even after context, a lot of posters dug their heels in and continued with their made up narrative. Such is the nature of the beast. Bet they wouldn’t be happy if OP showed ip banging at their doors in an “actions have consequences “ kind of way.

Yes, at least two
A google search would have been as quick or quicker than typing your response

I can see why this has disturbed you OP.

Regardless of whether or not the review was unfair (and having read the updates a bad review sounds reasonable), the tutor’s response to the review was totally disproportionate and massively overstepping all professional boundaries.

On the one hand I can see why you’d want to take it further, but on the other hand, I’d personally be wary of escalating things when she knows where you live and has already been behaving in such an out of control way.

I also don’t think it all that likely that one bad review would damage her business if there’s plenty of positive reviews to balance it out.

Times have changed? Success is even more out of reach than before? Widening inequality means that parents are willing to spend more on the chance it will lead to even minor chance for advancement up the greasy pole that supposedly grants success.

Is it impossible for you to grasp this simple fact?

Nope.
Squillions of kids go to the local comp and thrive. Zillions of comprehensive kids go to university and get well paid jobs. A fair few of them get into oxbridge. Our local state schools send a handful to oxbridge every year.

I truly understand that everyone wants the best for their child, but I'm sorry, I think some people are asking too much. I have seen it with sats. I am seeing it here.

Tutoring may get them into grammar. Then they will need a further 5 years tutoring for gcse. A levels are a bit more difficult. They need to work it out themselves.

Even if the parents are mad enough to get a tutor through university, if there is such a thing, they won't have someone to hold their hand in the place of work.

She definitely sounds unhinged. I would recommend keeping the review up as it’s honest and not slander.

Very unprofessional of her. I appreciate people have mental health issues but she cannot use this over receiving a negative review 🤷🏼‍♀️ yes it has probably taken a hit receiving it but you are NOT responsible for how she reacts to an honest review.

Back to the topic of reviews.

Last year I had a plumber to service the central heating and do a minor plumbing job. My usual one was not available.

The new one was useless. He didn't have simple parts on his van. He was here all morning and kept pithering about. In the end I told him to leave. I paid him. I had to get another plumber to correct his faulty workmanship. Did I post a bad review? No. He was a family man. I wouldn't harm his business. I decided that I would never use him again and advised a few friends not to use him. Word of mouth. Not blasting it all over Google. I chalked it up to experience.

I also often leave hotel reviews on a well known site. I am usually positive. The last bad one I left was 4* . I highlighted all the positives of the hotel. I complained about one member of staff, I said that I'd complained at reception and highlighted how the assistant manager had dealt with the matter ( a free meal). However, the episode still wasn't good enough. The manager replied thanking me for being honest and said that further training would be given.

That is the correct way to behave.

No. On the contrary. She is unfit to be working with children and your duty of care is to them first and foremost, as you are a member of our profession. I'd say you need to write a further review describing very factually how she has responded. She sounds unhinged. I'd be fuming if I paid her then found out later that another parent, who is also a teacher, knew she was not in a fit state to teach. Her business model sounds ineffective. Sounds like she needs to stop doing it altogether. The children and their parents don't owe her a living. You might suggest she seeks help but taking the review down risks detriment to other children.

I would leave the matter rest. Clearly the person is unhinged so I would not seek any further engagement and move on.

What you mean is you’re too much of a coward to PUBLICLY warn people. Quite happy to do it through word of mouth and warn friends etc. You tell enough people , they tell other people and his business is fucked anyway, especially if local.

What about the families that are skint and are getting in debt to hire this cowboy to solve an issue and they’re out of pocket and still have to pay someone else? What about their family and livelihood? Happy for him to screw them over?

Guess only your friends are worthy of that warning.

Can’t believe that you somehow think you’re better than OP.

i came across a strange one for 11 plus, wonder if it's the same one. (Sure there are lots )

Personally I would stop trying to upset and ruin this woman further. Unless there was some sort of relationship breakdown between you or incident which something needed to said I don’t really see why you would leave a negative review for someone, a negative review can seriously impact someone’s livlihood so unless they have done something completely wrong and worthy of destroying then it’s much kinder to just part ways and leave it at that, it’s no wonder why was upset. It’s a bit extreme to come to your home but she’s apologising now so just let it go and stop trying to cause problems for her.

I think even if I updated my review with her actions, I don’t think anyone would believe me, unless I posted it with the ring doorbell footage.

I thought google regulated reviews, and if anything was completely blasphemous they wouldn’t allow it to be posted.

I always look at reviews, as do majority of my family and friends to help make a decision.

I feel like I should report to the authorities because she’s in charge of children, but at what risk to myself and my family. What if she does something worse than turning up at my house?