Tutor turned up at my house at 9.45pm over a negative Google review – what would you do?

[Booyou123]

Hi everyone

I’m still quite shaken up by this and would appreciate some thoughts and perspectives.

My son attended a private tutor for about a year at the start of Year 5 for the 11 plus exam. After we stopped using her services, I left an honest Google review based on our experience. It wasn’t abusive or offensive, just a negative review.

The tutor was extremely upset by it. She repeatedly called me and my husband, sent so many emotional voice notes and messages, and even contacted my sister-in-law (who also has used her tutoring services) multiple times because she knows her. She told my sister in law that if I don’t take the review down, she’s calling the police as I am violating her business.

The part that has really terrified and shocked me is that she then turned up unannounced at my house at around 9.45pm. She was banging on the door and windows, demanding to speak to me about the review. She was absolutely hysterical, crying and sending me messages begging me to take the review down.

My children were in the house and ran upstairs because they were scared. My son was crying and very frightened, and asked why his teacher was there banging on the door.

I called the police afterwards and was advised to document everything. They couldn’t deploy anyone as they had some major incident in Woolwich, London. They told me that if there were further incidents, the behaviour could potentially amount to harassment.

Since then, she has sent a message apologising for coming to my house, saying she will never do it again and won’t contact me further.

What is bothering me most is that she only knew where we lived because of her professional relationship with our family. I can’t get past the feeling that using a client’s address to turn up at their home over a Google review is a huge breach of professional boundaries, maybe even DBS and goodness knows what else.

Part of me thinks I should just accept the apology and move on. Another part of me feels this was so inappropriate that I should take it further. She’s a woman who runs a professional tutoring company, and she was completely unhinged.

What would you do in my position?

No, I do agree about that. It is odd.

Why do you need to see the exact review? Would it make the tutor’s behaviour reasonable?
If she posts the review, we can put it into Google and it will take us to her review, the OP’s name and the name of the tutor. Why on earth would she do that??

This thread is the gift that keeps on giving.

Op is a teacher who knows nothing about teaching or the 11+. Even though she has worked in independent schools. She didn't even know how good, bad or indifferent her own child was.

She does not seem to have communicated with the child's school and asked how he was progressing and if there were any targets for improvement. She could have asked his teacher how he was progressing in maths. She could have asked about his sats preparation at school. She could have asked for an opinion of his academic ability.

However, she engaged a private tutor for the 11+. We don't know if he is top of the class at school, or just average. We do know that he's probably not 11+ material.
Somehow, the child travelled to and from the tutor. The parents didn't communicate with the tutor or ask how things were going. The parents don't appear to have collected child from the tutor. Surely, surely, they would speak when collecting.

The tutor may have been flogging a dead horse for months for all we know. Its soul destroying when that happens. Or she may be unprofessional.

Suddenly, OP discovers that it's going to cost £1,000 a month to get the child through the 11+. Even then there is no guarantee. This is absolutely hilarious. It's also sad for the child concerned.

I give up. Its beyond ridiculous. I suggest OP gives up on her idea of passing the 11+ too.

I will add , that considering the strong competition for places, and the amount of parents who want their kids to go to grammar, the government should consider opening more grammar schools. There's a lot of bright kids missing out due to the scarcity of places.

I would expect a negative review in the circumstances you've described. That's unacceptable and most unfair to parents. It's not professional or transparent. I'm doubtful how child centered it is to work at 'the child's pace' and then cram later. As a teacher yourself, you've picked up on something that others might not.

I agree there is a safeguarding concern especially since mental health issues have been mentioned by another tutor.

What I don't know is who you raise this with. I certainly wouldn't be removing the post. Ofsted? Is there an applicable regulatory body?

Worst advice ever. Don't escalate it and just leave it. You have made your point.

This. All day.

I would tend to update the review with details of the bizarre conduct in reaction to your review.

This thread really highlights what a cesspit Mumsnet has become.

I do think it’s relevance that the last thread the OP started was about her leaving a very critical review on FB, Google and Trust pilot about a different company.

I suspect this OP is a prolific and scathing online reviewer when she’s not happy about something

And that would make the tutor’s actions reasonable?

This is a really odd response. You seem to have lots of information that nobody else has.

The OP clearly doesn't teach this particular level and like many teachers, supports her child's learning like any other parent would while leaving the actual teaching and decisions around it to the professionals doing the work. This is a perfectly acceptable approach and why doctors don't treat family members. Teaching someone else's child is so different from teaching your own kid.

If it was unlikely that the child would cover the material in time, an experienced tutor would have been able to see this coming. The OP did have concerns and did engage but received false reassurance that all was well. Then an unexpected increase in fees occurred because the course content hasn't been covered in the time available.

Whether her child is academic enough is certainly not for you to judge. You have no idea. There can be many reasons why very bright children need extra support.

Also, you sound so unpleasantly hostile. Harsh but true.

Reviews these days are so pressured. I wish they were just honest so appreciate yours. The Woolwich incident (was it the other night?) was a prisoner escaping a convict’s van! Shame that the review made her so desperate; I’m really sorry that happened to you and your family and hope you’re ok, and I’m really sorry that she couldn’t read it without absorbing it totally disproportionately. I’d leave the review up there but not add the police bit.

This thread is mental, what’s the point of reviews if you can’t leave negative ones when your concerns haven’t been addressed? There’s is nothing in the world the OP could have written in her review that would have warranted phone calls to her, her husband and her sister in law and banging on the door and windows late at night. The OP is under no obligation to speak to her. One negative review is not going to ruin a business, she could’ve just asked other parents to leave good reviews to push it down the rankings. The woman sounds unhinged, she shouldn’t be working with children because she obviously has problems controlling her temper and respecting boundaries.

Maybe it’s another unhinged woman hoping to get OP’s address to go banging in the night?

Nope but I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s…. Well, more to this that perhaps puts the OP in a… peculiar light

She may well be peculiar. Absolutely doesn’t change the fact that the tutor’s actions were entirely unreasonable.

£800 a month - plus the £1000 you are already paying seems completely nuts. Are you sure you actually need to pay this much for 11 plus - given you yourself are a teacher?
We are paying around £400 a month which feels a lot - but I feel the investment in education is worth it and it's nothing compared with prep fees. You could send your child to a prep for what you're paying, instead of the crazy lady...

This is odd. I taught my tutees in their homes. Therefore, I knew where they lived. I spoke to their parents on a weekly basis.

I also had the parents phone numbers and email addresses. They knew where I lived and had my contact details too. Hey, we even emailed and texted each other. I thought that was normal.

How does it work nowadays?? You are giving me to understand that tutors and parents are not supposed to know where each other live and should never communicate with each other.

I'm still pondering this primary school child who went to a tutors house totally unaccompanied.

Even if the review was completely made up horrible bollocks that doesn’t mean the tutor can turn up at OP’s home banging on doors and windows and frightening children. There are other avenues to follow . How the hell is her behaviour excusable but leaving a review is apparently the lowest of the low?

I've read all OP's posts. I don't think she acknowledges the affect a negative review could have on the tutor's business. Of course, this doesn't justify what the tutor did, but, as stated, she has serious mental issues.
As I understand it, regular progress reports were given, which stated the son was getting on well. Then, an email was sent, stating that he was behind and needed expensive extra tutoring to catch up. It strikes me that surely the exam was still some way away, so there was no pressure at that moment in time. Perhaps the tutor uses this technique of extra sessions because it's a successful formula.
Perhaps OP's review wasn't as fair as she stated?
I once left a negative food review for a local pub, stating that my chips were burned. The owner worked out who I was , and she sent me an unpleasant personal email about ruining local businesses.
So perhaps one needs to be cautious about leaving negative reviews for small businesses because of the potential damage they do.

It sounds to me like she’s not very well. She definitely shouldn’t have reacted how she did. I would be really worried that she isn’t ok.

Because she turned up at the child’s house where she had been tutoring at 9.45pm banging on the windows and doors asking the mother to take the review down. The children including the one taught ran upstairs scared, and her (tutored) child was asking why their teacher was downstairs at night banging on the windows. This is not safe or appropriate for the children (or parents), and is a breach of the knowledge of their personal home information that the tutor has used and acted upon in the midst of a breakdown.

I’d be worried about that too and think I might take the review down to avoid escalating things any further. Might try to remove this thread too!

However, obviously the worry is that she’s still in contact with children when she doesn’t seem at all stable! I’m not sure how much your review would affect that though 🤔 Obviously there are a lot of children on her books at the moment. It’s a difficult one OP.

Have I understood correctly:
She works at your son's school & also runs a tutoring company
Before you posted the review you approached the head teacher at your son's school re your concerns about her tutoring

Have you spoken to the head again since this incident?

If not, I really think you should.

Is there a professional body for teachers, like the GMC for doctors? If so, could you speak to them?

Whether or not you take the review down is up to you, though of course you have every right to keep it up & the detail might be helpful to other parents. I haven't read it because it's almost by the by at this point. I'm mainly concerned about whether she's "fit to practice" in a sense of do her MH problems mean she needs to take some time out, esp given she's working with kids & their safety, including emotional safety is paramount.

That sounds really scary, OP. And now you can’t un-know how she’s behaved in a moment of stress. I’d be scared but wouldn’t know what to do next.