Tutor turned up at my house at 9.45pm over a negative Google review – what would you do?

[Booyou123]

Hi everyone

I’m still quite shaken up by this and would appreciate some thoughts and perspectives.

My son attended a private tutor for about a year at the start of Year 5 for the 11 plus exam. After we stopped using her services, I left an honest Google review based on our experience. It wasn’t abusive or offensive, just a negative review.

The tutor was extremely upset by it. She repeatedly called me and my husband, sent so many emotional voice notes and messages, and even contacted my sister-in-law (who also has used her tutoring services) multiple times because she knows her. She told my sister in law that if I don’t take the review down, she’s calling the police as I am violating her business.

The part that has really terrified and shocked me is that she then turned up unannounced at my house at around 9.45pm. She was banging on the door and windows, demanding to speak to me about the review. She was absolutely hysterical, crying and sending me messages begging me to take the review down.

My children were in the house and ran upstairs because they were scared. My son was crying and very frightened, and asked why his teacher was there banging on the door.

I called the police afterwards and was advised to document everything. They couldn’t deploy anyone as they had some major incident in Woolwich, London. They told me that if there were further incidents, the behaviour could potentially amount to harassment.

Since then, she has sent a message apologising for coming to my house, saying she will never do it again and won’t contact me further.

What is bothering me most is that she only knew where we lived because of her professional relationship with our family. I can’t get past the feeling that using a client’s address to turn up at their home over a Google review is a huge breach of professional boundaries, maybe even DBS and goodness knows what else.

Part of me thinks I should just accept the apology and move on. Another part of me feels this was so inappropriate that I should take it further. She’s a woman who runs a professional tutoring company, and she was completely unhinged.

What would you do in my position?

How does the extra cost of £800 work out in terms of number of lessons, when they would take place and how your son would be able to do them on top of a full week in school?

How much per hour do you pay?

Possibly but if i was told my child needed 1000s of pounds worth of tuition to pass the 11 plus my first thought would be my child was not best suited to a Grammar school. I would have had that conversation there and then.
That others have had a similar experience does suggest unscrupulous practices though. Presumably some of the other dissatisfied parents reviewed negatively too?

I wouldn’t have left a bad review if you used her for a year. A year to tutor a child and he still needs an another tutor ? Perhaps it’s your child ?

Leave the review up, if anything edit with the follow up details. She sounds a danger. I'd also point out to the other tutor who contacted you that such unreasonable behaviour should not be hidden from parents.

Have you considered the woman was unhinged already and it didn’t take much? It happens.

Of course, holiday reviews etc for large cooperations. Not a personal one, for someone my child has worked closely with for a year. I had a few bad driving instructors and hairdressers/ nail techs but I did the normal and reasonable thing and just found a new one. I didn’t keep going every week for a year then leave a publicly scathing review. If they had done something really wrong or inappropriate then fair enough. Otherwise, I’d probably tell friends/ people who asked why I wouldn’t recommend but I think if you write a review like that for all to see, which could ruin someone’s personal reputation and income - about someone you have had a close relationship with for a year, you best expect some reaction 🤷‍♀️

Some reactions are more reasonable than others though. You seem to think that anything goes. If this woman had beaten up OP in the middle of the high street should that have been expected too?

I have no idea if you’re just being contrary or just happy to put up with shit. 🤷‍♀️

This is a huge red flag. She is not well. I'd leave it alone.

She demanded you remove a presumably honest review on the basis it was 'violating her business", starting blowing up everyone's phones, found out your address, intentionally made the journey to your doorstep and started banging on the windows/doors causing fear to you and your family

She violated the peace of mind of everyone in your home to the point you felt the need to call the police.

There's at least 3 elements to this:

She's now relying on you not doing anything through fear that she will do something even more extreme... because that's what bullies do.

Her volatility, low emotional regulation and willingness to travel to essentially a stranger's home and cause fear through completely unhinged behaviour shows she's simply not a safe person.to be self-employed as a child tutor

Who knows whether any of those children being tutored have witnessed this sort of behaviour while essentially stuck with that lunatic in her own home?

"Violating her business". I think she meant to accuse you of damaging her business reputation through libellous comments

Nothing wrong with leaving bad honest reviews.

Accept the apology and move-on for whose benefit?

Hers... until this happens to someone else, or their kids bare the brunt of whatever is going on inside her head

If your account of events is 100% accurate, then I truly shake my head at the apologists, enablers and sane-washers striving to condone the tutor's actions

Even IF you left an unfair, or even false review, turning up to your house like that is completely off the scale. Either way, she's shown her true colours and need to be held accountable.

To be honest, that's not the behaviour of someone who should still be Advanced DBS cleared .

Obviously it’s not rocket science if it’s for an 11 year old, but that doesn’t mean that anyone can teach it. My dad also tutored us and I self-learned non-verbal reasoning, but the tests apparently have changed significantly since back in the day and thus tutors are required to understand the strategy of the exams and not just about teaching numeracy and literacy. Also, as a teacher surely you know it’s a skill that not everyone possesses. Being academically smart doesn’t necessarily make you a good teacher.

@Booyou123 I got a tutor from an online tutoring company to help with my daughter's english exams. From the first lesson, she started swearing about how sh*t etc DDs school obviously were etc. I was alarmed, but (thank god), it was on Zoom not in person (although the woman was local). We quickly cancelled and complained to the tutoring company who did nothing! The woman continued to recieve 4 and 5 star reviews on their platform although the platform tended to ask for reviews after the first lesson which isa bit misleading. Anyway, we made sure we checked the next tutor we secured was a real teacher and registered with the teaching council (we're in Scotland). Then about a year later, we heard tutor number one had killed herself after being convicted of a serious assault.

This thread is insane. Apparently leaving a negative review about a negative experience is the worse of the worst, but turning up at someone’s house at night ranting and raving is understandable 🤯

I know, right? It’s like an alternate universe on here sometimes.

I disagree. £1k a month on tutoring to get a Y6 child through one exam is a staggering amount of money. It suggests that if he does pass the exam, he's going to need a huge amount of tutoring still just to keep up at the selective school.

I'd like to see the review.

I don't know why the OP won't post it.

It doesn't change the fact the tutor was completely wrong, but at the same time it's simply odd that a poster who asks ' what to do ' won't show what she wrote.

Why?

I can't believe some of the posters on this thread pretty much blaming op for leaving a negative review!

Op did nothing wrong. If someone doesn't agree with a bad review about themselves/their services, they should leave feedback on the review, explaining their stance.

Not harass the individual who wrote the reciew and turn up at their home

Op, leave the review up. I'm not sure I would update with what she has done, but only because I would be afraid she would turn up at the house again and escalate things.

I would contact whoever regulates tutors (is it Ofsted or some other company? ) and explain what happened...this woman should not be in this profession if she thinks her behaviour was acceptable or appropriate

I find it impossible to believe that figure.

OP won't come back and explain how much it is per hour, etc, so I'm assuming it's exaggerated.

Have you read all OP’s posts?

But don’t we only have the tutor’s word for it that he needs that amount of tutoring to pass? Maybe he was ready for it months ago. Maybe she is a crap tutor and a better one would have had him ready months ago.

Because a simple C&P would take us all to the review and her real name.

It would be absolutely stupid for any Mumsnetter to put themselves in that position.

What difference would it make though? Whatever she’d written, the reaction wouldn’t have been reasonable. People just want to see the review so they can pick it apart.

People are either on the wind-up,

have such low bars they'd need to hire a crew of archaeologists to find it

or are just enablers of the worst behaviour in others

So OP is going to take the review down for the sake of the mental health of this clearly unhinged person - that’s great for all the families the tutor will potentially come into contact with in the future.

I no wouldn’t post anything further so hit to inflame the situation. However I wouldn’t remove the post either. If she has MH issues she probably shouldn’t be doing the job she’s doing if she can handle any constructive criticism and she certainly shouldn’t be running a business where she provides a service but only accepts good reviews or she goes knocking on doors. It’s borderline dangerous behaviour and whilst I don’t think you should escalate it, I don’t think pretending she’s great is right for other children who could potentially be in her care.

As an aside, £1k a month is extreme to tutor your child to pass a test. Meant in the nicest way, if he needs this level of tuition will he actually manage the pace at grammar or do you plan to tutor him through the whole school?

I wouldn’t take the review down. She sounds like she is ripping parents off. You gave her due notice of your concerns and got a flippant reply and brush off. This is no way to run a business. I suspect she’s had a word with the other tutor to pressure you. Her health is not your responsibility.