Tutor turned up at my house at 9.45pm over a negative Google review – what would you do?

[Booyou123]

Hi everyone

I’m still quite shaken up by this and would appreciate some thoughts and perspectives.

My son attended a private tutor for about a year at the start of Year 5 for the 11 plus exam. After we stopped using her services, I left an honest Google review based on our experience. It wasn’t abusive or offensive, just a negative review.

The tutor was extremely upset by it. She repeatedly called me and my husband, sent so many emotional voice notes and messages, and even contacted my sister-in-law (who also has used her tutoring services) multiple times because she knows her. She told my sister in law that if I don’t take the review down, she’s calling the police as I am violating her business.

The part that has really terrified and shocked me is that she then turned up unannounced at my house at around 9.45pm. She was banging on the door and windows, demanding to speak to me about the review. She was absolutely hysterical, crying and sending me messages begging me to take the review down.

My children were in the house and ran upstairs because they were scared. My son was crying and very frightened, and asked why his teacher was there banging on the door.

I called the police afterwards and was advised to document everything. They couldn’t deploy anyone as they had some major incident in Woolwich, London. They told me that if there were further incidents, the behaviour could potentially amount to harassment.

Since then, she has sent a message apologising for coming to my house, saying she will never do it again and won’t contact me further.

What is bothering me most is that she only knew where we lived because of her professional relationship with our family. I can’t get past the feeling that using a client’s address to turn up at their home over a Google review is a huge breach of professional boundaries, maybe even DBS and goodness knows what else.

Part of me thinks I should just accept the apology and move on. Another part of me feels this was so inappropriate that I should take it further. She’s a woman who runs a professional tutoring company, and she was completely unhinged.

What would you do in my position?

Oh she's one of those. Op you are wrong if this is your hobby

Oh ffs. Here on mumsnet where grown women frequently hide from neighbors and complain that someone has rung their doorbell? And you think a child being frightened of adult anger is a sign this is made up?

To be fair, the one did sound justified.

It doesn’t really matter whether OP was right or wrong to post a negative review, because either way it should never provoke such a wildly inappropriate response from the tutor. We don’t need to know what the review said, to be able to understand that calling 15 times, calling family of the OP, and using their billing information to find their address and turn up at their house at 9:45pm is completely and utterly unacceptable.

I feel you have an extremely biased and/or myopic view if I may say.

Many of us (including me) have personal experience of dealing with tutors and it is not the same as dealing with teachers.

When a parent is looking for a tutor for their child, they can only go by the reviews they can find, if they can even find any.

You may go to parent- teacher meeting where your child gets glowing praise from their school teachers but you may not have a clear understanding (because you are NOT a teacher) of whether your child is doing well in that school pool only, or whether your child might be doing well enough to attempt a challenging exam that will allow them entry via an exam like the 11+ into a selectively academic school.

Since you don't have the knowledge to assess this accurately, many parents (me included) then start looking at tutors because as tutors who specialise in getting kids through exams like 11+ I was assuming they have some sort of bench mark based on past experience, performance of their past cohorts and also access to historical data that I as a parent do not have any visibility of.

I have no way to assess the tutors other than the reviews from other parents which will mostly be on the Internet and/or word of mouth.

So yes, reviews are extremely important.

Tutoring is bloody expensive and also invasive in that it takes a lot of time - either after school late into the evening or almost every Saturday morning even in half terms. Given that financial cost and time sacrifice then YES I absolutely expect a professional service - transparency, honest and excellent communication. If I raise concerns or questions I expect them to be answered fully and promptly. If my child is absolutely not going to make it then it's imperative that there is a sufficient level of honesty between me and the tutor to be able to tell me that.

I am not saying that is what is happening here with @Booyou123 but I do think the way you phrased your post was extremely one sided without much thought to what the @Booyou123 would have been (rightly so) expecting.

You can't take so much money off people and then just be really vague in communication and then go absolutely mental when you have had a bad review. Rather than banging on the OP's door at night time that tutor, if professional, should have set up a meeting to discuss OP's concerns in detail and I am sure middle ground would have been achieved.

If the Tutor had responded comprehensively in the first place the OP may not have been compelled to leave a negative review.

A lot of people (like me) who organise tutoring for our kids are not rich. Everyone is going on about how the Tutor may be facing financial difficulties; no one has said anything about the amount of money @Booyou123 would have forked out for a service that she does not feel that she received.

Also, this part of your post is nonsense @Slightyamusedandsilly to me.
It's not a lack of awareness to understand (from personal experience in independent schools) that the vast majority of parents think if they pay big bucks that it guarantees top grades. They absolutely do expect that."

A lot of people like to say this sort of thing but in my experience it's completely untrue in a lot of cases. We went independent because our local state school was in special measures for racism and I didn't want my kinds being beaten up for the colour of their skin. The only other choice was an independent due to how the catchment areas in my area fall. We could not afford to sell up and buy in a better area. We are not rich by any means. We are both academic and professional but we did not EXPECT certain results just because we paid some fees. Others in my children's class chose the school for other reasons - SEN, family ties, etc.

I hate your sweeping generalisation that fee paying parents are demanding, uniformed parents who think they can buy better grades.

Just like all other parents, we just want what is best for our kids. There is no way we are just paying for better grades. For you info, my 2 DDs have had very different academic outcomes. There is no money we could have earned that could have changed their natural abilities.

Edited for typos x 2

I think she said something terrible and career ending in the review which was probably outlandish. The OP hasnt said what she wrote so I'm guessing the OP doesnt want to come clean about what she said.

The amount of posters defending the tutor on here is staggering.
It is our right to be able to write honest reviews (and I hope it was honest) of services we've received and not face the sort of backlash that OP has endured.

Any other outlandish fantasies you've invented?

This

I strongly suspect her apology was the result of someone telling her exactly what the consequences of her choice could be, but providing reviews really are honest and objective I simply don't get why some regard bad ones as such an appalling thing to do

As PPs have said, if this is an exception then one bad review among much better ones isn't going to spoil anything, but adding a further one about her actions might, and if there's any further trouble that's exactly what I'd do

You may go to parent- teacher meeting where your child gets glowing praise from their school teachers but you may not have a clear understanding (because you are NOT a teacher) of whether your child is doing well in that school pool only, or whether your child might be doing well enough to attempt a challenging exam that will allow them entry via an exam like the 11+ into a selectively academic school.

Since you don't have the knowledge to assess this accurately, many parents (me included) then start looking at tutors because as tutors who specialise in getting kids through exams like 11+ I was assuming they have some sort of bench mark based on past experience, performance of their past cohorts and also access to historical data that I as a parent do not have any visibility of.

I agree with all of this... except OP is a teacher. She taught primary for 15 years.

You can report her to Google and send documents/your evidence about the harrassment you received after leaving a review.

I haven’t got time to read all replies here but I want to tell you a wee story, it’s true.

I ended up caring for a teacher of mine a few years after I left. My friends sister was actually in the class when the ambulance arrived to take her. She was a lovely kind person who was really going through some tough times and some kid as a “joke” found vodka in her bag. (I know both sides of this, her side and the side my friend told everyone through her sisters narration so I’m telling
you what I think is most likely scenario) the kid removed the vodka and started pretending to drink it, she tried to grab it back but a trembling alcoholic trying to wrestle from a teenage boy, disaster. Anyway the kids all joined in teasing, passing the bottle all pretending to drink it and she ran into a cupboard to calm down and compose herself, kids locked her in with a chair. Turned out she also had extra alcohol in her supply cupboard and got herself royally hammered and had a massive breakdown, crying the kids had ruined her life. Then another staff member heard her screaming and she ended up a few months later in my place of work. (Just fyi I’ve never ever told a single person she was my patient, my friend told me miss x had a breakdown in her sisters class but I didn’t say “oh aye she told me” or anything) There were so many signs before this, even back when I was a student myself something was going to happen. I recall seeing her crying after a senior teacher sat in one of her classes and kept interrupting her and correcting her.
When we recognised one another I gave her a massive hug and said if it was weird having me there then she could definitely choose someone else to care for her but we grew a lovely friendship until she passed away.
But I could imagine she’d have done something like this. Actually I know she would, she shared things of this nature she had done when she felt hurt and rejected. Looking back I suspect she would nowadays be diagnosed with rejection sensitivity. I’m not saying that she was correct and I’m not saying you deserve her showing up, but the fear that nobody was talking to her obviously consumed her.

We can all say another persons mental health isn’t our problem and that’s not wrong, it’s not. But we also don’t know what’s going on in someone’s mind or life generally that may just push them over the edge. Even on my worst days myself if people are even actively shitty with me, in shops or anything I try to think my reaction to this could determine how they cope. And no it’s not our responsibility but when you see how much people in this terrible mental state can spiral, offering to give her closure even replying to say, - this is your reason, I hope this helps you. Please no longer contact us as we have nothing to add. Before ignoring her and then logging with the police may be beneficial. She’s just trying to process things and yes it’s seemed scary and unhinged and crackers and every other word for mental, but it’s likely she isn’t in the right place to cope with the confusion of what’s been said and then to be ignored and not given answers. Obviously once you tell someone no, that’s then enough for them to leave you alone and if not then escalate it with whoever. But she had a year of being good enough and then this review. She’s obviously fighting something that you aren’t privy to and needed the boundaries as opposed to being ignored and left in limbo.
I feel terribly sad for her because she’ll be in a cycle of misery now knowing she over stepped and fucked up, whilst potentially still having no understanding where she went wrong.

I'd accept the apology and move on.
She is upset because her income is under threat due to your review. Normal people speak to each other and sort out problems. I never leave a negative review about a working person unless it is very called for, and using a tutor for a full year, and stopping using her because it suited you, sound sa bit weird to me.

What's the point in reviews if people can't be honest?

I feel terribly sad for her because she’ll be in a cycle of misery now knowing she over stepped and fucked up, whilst potentially still having no understanding where she went wrong.

But she does know where she went wrong, because OP tried resolving things by phone and email well before leaving the negative review.

Don’t leave another review online because it will either sound petty or vindictive and will be seen as something personal rather than a reflection of her tutoring skills.

But if anyone contacts you directly, asks about her, or the review, or wonders why you changed tutors , then be clear and forthcoming, both about the response to the online review and about the upsetting visit. To be honest what counts more, and spreads more, is word of mouth.

Yes but that's because it's unlike a woman to act like this without some kind of real stress going on in the background especially as she apologised. Men are much more likely to get aggressive than women especially if their ego has been publicly dented.

I think you should leave it for now OP. Like other posters are suggesting she could be really struggling with something going on in her life and is at the end of her tether.

@CocoaTea DS2 is on the 99th percentile. He also has autism and ADHD. He had 11+ tuition but the tutor gave honest and open feedback that despite his level of ability he gave zero fucks about achievement and 11+ and grammar school was not the right fit for him. She could have lied to receive ongoing payment but didn’t. Honest communication with paying parents is essential. I would give her a 5* review.

This poster has empathy.

The serial complainer (who will not admit what she wrote to elicit such a response) seems not to have empathy. As perhaps if they did, they may have responded to one of the missed phone calls before the situation escalated.

Not sorry that you don’t feel my post had empathy. I am happy to own that I was able to be unfairly critical from my position of online anonymity. Are you?

@Booyou123 The most bizarre thing here is that you didn't just take the review down, which would have been the most simple thing to do.

It would not have been the right thing to do, but have you never heard the term "pick your battles"? Why did the review mean so much to you that you just didn't take it down?

We would have to know exactly what you said in the review to comment. Whatever it was it clearly had a traumatic effect on her, you don't think it was anything that would cause damage her business, she obviously thinks it will.

What she did wasn’t right, but she’s not a danger to children. You had your son see her for 9 months and didn’t see her as an issue around children. You may not have been completely happy with the tutoring and communication, but that wasn’t a danger to children.

She had flipped her lid, you’ve contacted the police and she has apologised. I’d let it drop now.

It’s only slander if it isn’t true. And given it was written, it would be libel rather than slander.

But was there even time?

it was posted then 3 hours later tutor was banging at the door. There were missed calls (busy evening or dodgy WiFi not showing calls maybe -I get that in my flat at times) so op was not aware of issue until banging at the door.

She shouldn't have turned up at the house, but the best response to her unsatisfactory tuition was to stop using her, not destroy her business.