Page 5 | Happy people- what did your parents do right?

Ayla1991 · 2026-06-09T22:50:09+00:00

Ok this may be a little deep but I’m really interested to know I don’t consider myself to be a very emotionally resilient person and I’m never truly “happy” or content even though I’m very grateful for my beautiful life. I know happiness is partly a state of mind and some people are happy no matter what (within reason) but I am always feeling that something is missing, I should be doing more, achieving more, etc. I also don’t think I’m resilient enough for how difficult life can be. So my question is, to people who are generally content and well adjusted, what do you think your parents did while raising you that contributed to that? More specifically, what can I do to ensure my 2 DD don’t inherit my outlook and are instead happy, content people who are at peace with life?

DisappointingAvocado · 18/06/2026 16:59

I'm pretty happy now. I was deeply unhappy in my teens and couldn't wait to leave home, so they definitely gave me a drive to achieve independence and finical stability so that I never had to move back. It was a pretty emotionally neglected childhood, albeit there was always routine, stability, and practical support. I was the youngest of three children and my parents divorced when I was young and didn't coparent particularly well. I remember lots of arguments about money, and always feeling like an inconvenience and like everyone's life would be easier if I had never existed. Being the youngest you do also feel like you were the cause of the marriage ending. I had some pretty unhappy periods in my twenties but after some good therapy came to the realisation that I was in control of my own life and my reaction to the way I was parented or how my relationship is with my parents now.

It also made me strive for more. I said to myself I wouldn't marry without being sure, wouldn't have kids unless I was as certain as could be that the marriage would last and we wanted the same things.

I found "the happiness hypothesis" by Jonathan Haidt a really interesting read on this. He actually hypothesises that experiencing a little bit of adversity, but not too much, yields happier people. I do find that true in my case.

EmailsaysOOO · 18/06/2026 17:00

As others are saying, we had lots of fun..My dad had lots of hobbies and involved me and my brother with them if we wanted. He was caring, calm and philosophical..When he was dying I asked if he was afraid and he said not at all, he'd had a great life. Perhaps this has rubbed off.

Knowing your parents are together and would always be together could also be part of it. And now although we aren't awash with money but I have the belief that my husband and I are in it together. Our kids will hopefully have us benefitted from seeing us being in a stable relationship, giving them love and care and fun times. There's been very little drama, just the odd typical excitement in their young or teenage years, but that's all we ever had. That's about all I can say .

DirtyGertiefromno30 · 18/06/2026 17:13

JustaDream · 12/06/2026 12:53

They did everything wrong and I vowed to not repeat their mistakes.

This to a T

Original poster

Ayla1991 · 22/06/2026 14:09

DisappointingAvocado · 18/06/2026 16:59

I'm pretty happy now. I was deeply unhappy in my teens and couldn't wait to leave home, so they definitely gave me a drive to achieve independence and finical stability so that I never had to move back. It was a pretty emotionally neglected childhood, albeit there was always routine, stability, and practical support. I was the youngest of three children and my parents divorced when I was young and didn't coparent particularly well. I remember lots of arguments about money, and always feeling like an inconvenience and like everyone's life would be easier if I had never existed. Being the youngest you do also feel like you were the cause of the marriage ending. I had some pretty unhappy periods in my twenties but after some good therapy came to the realisation that I was in control of my own life and my reaction to the way I was parented or how my relationship is with my parents now.

It also made me strive for more. I said to myself I wouldn't marry without being sure, wouldn't have kids unless I was as certain as could be that the marriage would last and we wanted the same things.

I found "the happiness hypothesis" by Jonathan Haidt a really interesting read on this. He actually hypothesises that experiencing a little bit of adversity, but not too much, yields happier people. I do find that true in my case.

I think that’s exactly it. Struggling just the right amount

OP posts:

OneNewLeader · 30/06/2026 21:38

EnjoythemoneyJane · 10/06/2026 01:01

My parents were both flawed humans, as we all are, but they gave DSis and me an incredible sense of stability and unconditional love, which we’ve both striven to recreate for our own kids.

The secret sauce was partly their love for each other. Our house was very calm and tension free, by and large. Few arguments, a lot of ‘team’ feeling - they always had each other’s backs, and by extension we understood they’d have ours, without question.

We laughed a lot, and though they were both a product of their own upbringings and stuck in their ways to a certain extent, they weren’t completely rigid; they were both willing to adapt and change and accommodate new, younger ways of thinking and relating to the world, so we never felt we were dealing with distant, ‘different generation’ people. There were definitely rules, but you could challenge them and know it wouldn’t fall on stony ground ‘just because I say so’; you could argue your corner and sometimes (not very often, but sometimes!) you’d get a result.

All of these things created room for richer relationships as we all grew and changed. We didn’t get stuck in a parent/child dynamic. They were always our parents, but they also became friends and people we actively wanted to spend time with. Honestly, they did a fucking stellar job, especially given the backgrounds they’d both come from as working class war babies with Edwardian era parents.

Unconditional love, logical and kind discipline, generosity of spirit, and not believing you know all of the answers all of the time, go a very long way towards raising happy, resilient kids.

I love the way you expressed this. Resonated, laughter was a big thing in my childhood too (at and with).