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Would you send DS some money?

106 replies

Pinkbus · 09/06/2026 15:53

DS moved, with his GF to a beautiful palce 300 miles.from home. It's lovely there and they've really thrown themselves in to rural life and the local community.

Both working in close to minimum wage jobs and renting a room in a shared house. They are enjoying life and seem to have money to spend out and about.

I've just been for a visit/holiday. They more or less carrried on as usual and I entertained myself during the day, but we met up on their days off and for breakfast/dinner depending on their shifts.

I booked accomodation elsewhere as they have nowhere to put me up, but that worked well. A week is a long time to have a houseguest! It was a lovely week and I think we all enjoyed it.

I paid for most things, but they did cook for me one evening and DS bought one breakfast and some coffee and cake.

So the trip cost me quite a bit, but I had a lovely time, it was great to see them, I appreciate they both gave me most of their free time for the week amd it was nice to treat them.

I was thinking of sending DS a sum roughly equivalent to what he will have spent - an acknowledgement that having me there has cost them money they might not otherwise have spent, even if they also benefited, and a thank you. I can afford it, but don't have a bottomless pit.

But, I'm not sure if it's better to just accept the times when he willingly treated me and let him be a grown up! Basically I don't want to cause offemce (to him or GF) by trying too hard to be nice.

OP posts:
XiCi · 10/06/2026 09:23

Disenchantedone · 10/06/2026 07:51

OP i would send them £150. Say it is to buy them some treats in appreciation for showing you a wonderful time. My kids have never been offended at being offered a bit of cash now and then.

This is a nice idea

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 10/06/2026 09:39

I wouldn't. My adult children enjoy treating us, and I'd hate them to feel they couldn't without getting into a tit for tat situation.

I remember gently kicking my mum under the table at mother's day lunch a few years ago - eldest announced he was paying when the bill came, and my mum was almost wrestling his wallet from him trying to stop him. It made him feel great, he was beaming with pride when the waiter said we're lucky mums. So was I 😊

Toffeefudgecaramel · 10/06/2026 11:28

I don't understand the people who think that parents should pay for everything, for ever. Just why? Do you, let's say as well-paid middle-aged people, expect your elderly parents still to pay for all meals out, any show you go to, travel expenses on a joint holiday, etc? I think that everyone should pay their share, with the richer party occasionally treating the poorer party.

JustStopItNora · 10/06/2026 11:32

I'm middle aged and visit my parents about once every 14-16 months (they live in Australia). We take turns in treating each other, but usually when I am back I send an interflora order or a case of wine for putting us up. They often do the same when they come here.

An expression of appreciation never goes astray I think!

Miyagi99 · 10/06/2026 18:21

Scrumptiousy · 09/06/2026 15:57

I would help financially as much as I could

snd that would equate to substantially more than a coffee and cake cost

Edited

Why, when there’s no need and they’re adults?

PunishmentSnart · Yesterday 22:00

They seemed happy to pay. I agree with other posters saying send a hamper/few bottles of drink .

sounds like you have a lovely relationship with your son and DIL- he wouldn’t have jumped in if he resented you not paying but it would also be nice for you to acknowledge the treat

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