Would you send DS some money?

[Pinkbus]

DS moved, with his GF to a beautiful palce 300 miles.from home. It's lovely there and they've really thrown themselves in to rural life and the local community.

Both working in close to minimum wage jobs and renting a room in a shared house. They are enjoying life and seem to have money to spend out and about.

I've just been for a visit/holiday. They more or less carrried on as usual and I entertained myself during the day, but we met up on their days off and for breakfast/dinner depending on their shifts.

I booked accomodation elsewhere as they have nowhere to put me up, but that worked well. A week is a long time to have a houseguest! It was a lovely week and I think we all enjoyed it.

I paid for most things, but they did cook for me one evening and DS bought one breakfast and some coffee and cake.

So the trip cost me quite a bit, but I had a lovely time, it was great to see them, I appreciate they both gave me most of their free time for the week amd it was nice to treat them.

I was thinking of sending DS a sum roughly equivalent to what he will have spent - an acknowledgement that having me there has cost them money they might not otherwise have spent, even if they also benefited, and a thank you. I can afford it, but don't have a bottomless pit.

But, I'm not sure if it's better to just accept the times when he willingly treated me and let him be a grown up! Basically I don't want to cause offemce (to him or GF) by trying too hard to be nice.

No definitely don’t send it, he will have felt a sense of pride in treating his mum. Maybe put it towards a present or something else for him another time instead.

I'm on the fence. We treat our grown up.DC all the time and theynare on a lpt more than minimum wage.

I see my mum every 2/3 weeks and she presses £40 into my hand. I'm 66, she's nearly 90. I'm still working and we are very comfortable.

In my earlier years, my parents always offered to pay, which was gratefully accepted. The tables have now turned and parents retired on limited incomes, so I always pay.

It sounds like your son was happy to pay when he did, so I'd leave it and maybe add the money to Christmas and birthday presents.

That’s nice but unless something has been missed out here, they’re hardly skint. Minimum wage is what, £1700 a month after deductions, times 2, minus the price of a rented room.

I love treating my parents.

But, I think if it was my daughter, I'd square it up some way behind the scenes, so that she wasn't actually out of pocket, but still got the "good vibes" of feeling like an adult that can take her mum out for lunch.

100% agree yet theres a very prominent view on mn that young adults cannot move out of the family home until they can buy at least a 2 bed house, so bizarre. Is it just me??

I think it is very different outlook as a couple with 3400 take home, vs a single person on 1700. A lot less available to save after paying rent.

I know my 4 adult kids have really enjoyed feeling they could buy me dinner etc. Some are better off than others but all proud they are all able to pay for lunch etc.

Don't spoil it by sending cash - they were pleased they could treat you. But yes, as others have said, a bit of a treat would be nice.

I wouldn’t send money. They only paid for one meal and coffee during the whole trip. You paid for travel, accomadation and a lot of meals.

I’d leave it probably
if you want to send something I’d definitely not say it’s to cover what he spent, I think that’s negative. I’d just say it was a treat, or I’d buy them something they wanted or some vouchers for the places they liked going with you and go regularly anyway themselves so they can get a coffee out on you

V true although most I see are on professional/graduate salaries.
Each to their own. I think young people are missing out on independence and important skills (not OP's), thats just my opinion which im aware no one asleep for!

Sounds like he enjoyed treating you, let him enjoy it and look forward to next time

Personally, yes.

He went out of his way to spend what little money he has on you.

Why don’t you send him a thank you card with a gift voucher to a local restaurant?

That is better reimbursing

Don't send anything. It's your job to help them become adults and it would be awkward to stop once you start. Send a generous, thoughtful Xmas present. You've got the balance right.

I’d leave it! As an adult I don’t expect my parents to always pay for me and it’s nice to be able to say “I’ll get this one”.
If anything put the money in a pot to one side and save it for a rainy day. I’m happy to treat my parents to a coffee/ meal/ show but when my boiler broke this year and they gave me some money towards repairs that was amazing!

This makes me think that sending him money might take the shine off that for him. He wanted to treat his Mum. Let him. Maybe send them both some sort of voucher for a restaurant or movies as a thank you instead?

No, it’s nice for them to treat you a bit, but also nice for them for you to buy the majority.
i wouldn’t send them money to reimburse them, but, as others have suggested, a voucher to say thank you and that you had a lovely time would be nice.

I just had a similar visit with my adult DS. I repaid him for an Uber ( I don't have an account) and a pub meal as I paid for everyone except him because he had ordered just befor we arrived . I took a little present for him and his partner ( a little aloe plant) .
OP if there is something specific you can repay ( like an uber) do that otherwise extra presents at xmas and bday. Think of what they didn't have and needed whilst you were visiting. That would be useful.

I'd just send a card now. In a few months send a voucher for a treat for them.

OP i would send them £150. Say it is to buy them some treats in appreciation for showing you a wonderful time. My kids have never been offended at being offered a bit of cash now and then.

I wouldn’t. He bought you those things in recognition that you were his guest. He paid what he could afford and he is not a child. Let him pay sometimes. It’s good for people to learn their parents should be treated too.

Why not send a hamper as a thank you? Then they have a treat and something which will save them some money.

I agree. He’s an adult now. If you wanted to pay, you should have offered at the time, and you already have paid for the majority of the trip.

Why wouldn't she pay for the majority of the trip? She is the one visiting. Lovely for both of them but a real extra expense for her DS and partner who must be on the bones of their arses in minimum wage jobs, shared accommodation and living in high priced tourist area. I wouldnt want my child to be struggling for the rest of the month or longer due to my visit and I would definitely be sending some money