Are you close to your brother in adulthood?

[Ponderingsunday]

If you’re a woman?

I have one of each. My daughter is the eldest. I am thrilled with my son, and was in no way dissapointed. However, as someone who grew up with sisters who I’m still incredibly close too in adulthood, I can’t help but feel sad for my kids if they won’t have a bond like this. All of my female friends with brothers isn’t close to them in adulthood. I’m hoping this is just my circle and for most people it’s really normal to have close relationship with brothers!

Yes and my adult DS and DDs are too.

Very close to my brother, but not to my sister.

I'm not close to any of my sisters. My husband and I see his sister a few times a month and they chat of the hind probably weekly. I don't chat to my sisters at all and only really see them at family occasions! We don't not like each other but we're just very different. I really don't think gender comes in to it.

7 years older than my brother so we weren’t close growing up but as adults we are extremely close. He is one of my favourite people to spend time with. I have 2 daughters and they often comment on how they love to see me with my brother as we have such fun together

Two brothers. Close to both.

In short, no. Much younger db who emigrated a few years ago and is not great at keeping in touch so seldom hear from him: got on well but never v close due to age gap - I’ve accepted that his life has moved on.

Other db v close in age and used to be very close but relationship deteriorated when he married for the 2nd time. In all
honesty I don’t think his wife can cope with sharing him, but it’s manifested over many years in accusations that I’ve said/done horrible things to her, so db has naturally taken her side. It feels very deliberate to me, as it’s given them an excuse not to have anything to do with me, which I think was the ultimate goal. Got on great with db and first wife so found it all very odd. Trying to maintain a relationship with them felt like playing a game where they made up the rules but didn’t tell me what they were. And then changed them but again didn’t tell me. Repeatedly. It was both exhausting and bewildering.

My life is certainly calmer now and I’ve no doubt we won’t have any further contact. There is an element of sadness as sibling relationships are so unique in that sense of shared life experience. I’ve reached the stage of life where I would have liked a sister: friends of mine with sisters have still maintained that contact and are there for each other, even despite differences and potentially prickly relationships in the past.

Not close at all, never really got on as kids and in fact have been very low contact for the last 40 years. Don’t miss him at all as he is a complete wanker. My kids DS & DD, however are very close despite a 16 year age gap.

I have a ton of siblings of various varieties and parentage.

The one I am closest to we might not see or speak for years either but we both know if we needed each other a call is all it would take and we would be there.

So are we close no not really but we would always help each other.

I’ve a couple of brothers and a few sisters. Much closer to the brothers than the sisters, slightly closer to one than the other but that’s because my younger brother (4 years younger) is just in a very different life stage than me and older brother (5 years older). I adore them both but spend much more time with older brother, and our kids are all so so close with one another.

Worry not. Me and my little brother were not close until mid/late teens. Now we are super tight. It just happpened that way. Nobody forced it - we bickered all the time and it still forged. My two have similar age gap and apathy (in their tweens) atm. I’m hopeful.

@Ponderingsunday I'm curious that you have posted but haven’t been back or responded to any of the 100+ people who took the trouble to share their experiences.

Reasonably close yes. He can be selfish svd annoying but still love him and in contact regardless and regularly

Yes, there is a 4 year gap between us and I used to find him annoying growing up.

However, for the last decade or so he has been a surrogate father figure to my children since their dad buggered off and I don’t know what I’d have done without his help through the years. He’s taken my children to school and college, to new jobs, picked them up at 2am from parties, he’s taken them driving to top up driving lesson experience, fixed their cars….

My children get him Father’s Day cards to say thank for the role he’s provided in place of their actual dad.

He doesn’t have children of his own so my children are the closest he’s likely to have to his own at this point. I’m very grateful to have a little brother.

With my own children I have a son and three daughters. He is close to his sisters even now they are becoming adults.

No.
We used to be very close. Things started to drift when our last parent died.
It causes me great pain that it has become this way.

I don’t have a brother, by my mum has two and is very close to both of them. One of my earliest memories is staying over at my nans house because my mum and her brother were going on a night out together - they had an absolute ball together when they were younger. Her other brother is a lovely man and they are like best friends.

Incidentally, she has a sister that she hasn’t spoke to for years, as do I.

I have a boy and a girl and this has crossed my mind, but I don’t necessarily think the gender of them is the main factor - if they get on, they get on and if they don’t, they don’t. Fingers crossed all works out well 👏

I love my brother dearly but he's a recluse . I hardly ever see him which is a real shame.

Yes - in contact every day. He is one of my favourite people!!!

No. We have been nc for 6 years. We've never been close and I have no emotional bond with him at all.

No. Haven't spoken for 5 years.

Not really. He has lived abroad for over 30 years and comes back to UK once a year , so I see him then (or not).

he wasn’t very nice to me growing up, but has been fine since he left home. Am also not very close to my sister , and see her just as frequently. We get along fine when we see each other, but our personalities are different. Like another poster, if I weren’t related to brother or sister, I would have stopped seeing them in the 80s!

I think the litmus test is whether you would want to be friends with them if they weren't your siblings. I wouldn't want to be friends with my sister.

Yes, we get on really well and we ‘get’ each other’s quirks. We were very close as young children, didn’t like each other as teens and then became friends again as young adults. I haven’t got a sister but never felt I was missing out. My young adult DD and DS are close too.

Yes. We get on well and live fairly close to each other. I like his wife, he gets on with my husband, my dc adore him.

Reasonably close, given he lives 500 miles away. He is very open and talkative. I think I know more about him than he knows about me. I am slightly closer to my sister but we live nearer to each other.

Nope. I tried to maintain a relationship through adult but he forgot that I grew up too and never stopped treating me as his little sister. He was top dog as a child and thinks he still is as an adult. He is a misogynistic prick. I got to my 40s cow-towing to him then decide fuck it and I haven’t taken his shit for a decade. Funny though, if I call him out on him being a dick to me when we are at family gatherings, I’m the one who is making things awkward.

My sister still has a relationship with him but I think she does it because she should, not because she likes him (middle child, keeps the peace etc). My sister and I are best friends.