Are you close to your brother in adulthood?

[Ponderingsunday]

If you’re a woman?

I have one of each. My daughter is the eldest. I am thrilled with my son, and was in no way dissapointed. However, as someone who grew up with sisters who I’m still incredibly close too in adulthood, I can’t help but feel sad for my kids if they won’t have a bond like this. All of my female friends with brothers isn’t close to them in adulthood. I’m hoping this is just my circle and for most people it’s really normal to have close relationship with brothers!

No he’s a twat. Haven’t spoken to him in years.

I am quite close to my brother and although we don't see each other every day, we definitely always help each other out in a crisis.

My mum (who's late 60's) is VERY close to her brother who has over the years become best friends with my dad and they all very often hang out together and have a great relationship.

I was always close to my brother growing up and still close into adulthood, we both made the effort.
But when our parents became elderly and started needing a bit of support in life, I stepped up to help, care, support them, and my brother just didn’t care. There was one particular time that one of our parents was in hospital, brother didn’t visit, or even call to ask how they were doing, or show any interest at all. I’ve lost all respect and affection I had for him.

I have 3 older brothers and although we all live in different places, we are very close. When my DM died and when my sister died I couldn't have done it without them! In touch all the time! We love each other and have each other's backs! We laugh and talk constantly when qet get together! Genuinely feel very lucky!

Not at all. I see him if he happens to be there when I go to my mum’s house. I don’t know what’s going on in his life unless my mum happens to mention something.

I have an older brother by 2 years and 2 younger brothers, the youngest of whom I didn’t know about until I was 12 and never lived with. However thanks to the mix of parents involved and some effort on our parts to remain close, we are all close (though not geographically), get on well, share interests and are affectionate and loving with each other and fond of each other’s spouses and kids. We can have some kinks and niggles here and there but overall we are very lucky and I appreciate this and don’t take it for granted.

Yes, really close and our kids are too

Yes, about the same as my sister.

We don't live in each other's pockets but we speak or text regularly and get together as a family occasionally.

I am estranged from my only and older brother. I didn’t want that for my kids and I’m delighted that in their late 20s they all get on really well and have supported each other through some difficult stuff.

You can’t make it happen but I think there are definitely things to avoid if you want them to be close. The key one would be jealousy. It’s a fine balance to teach kids that we are all different and that we have different needs and that sometimes one child will have more than the other but it evens out in the end, and eventually they learn kindness and compassion.

It’s important that each child is supported to develop their interests and be themselves, and not feel threatened by the other.

Every family is different… in my case I think the relationship was always doomed. Several factors including a patriarchal attitude to boys/girls, undiagnosed neurodivergence (possibly both of us), and a family that didn’t really meet either of our emotional needs. I think we both felt inadequate and vulnerable, but as the ‘golden child’ he had a position to defend, and defend it he did.

I’m now old enough not to worry about it but I was a very unhappy little girl and grew up very uncomfortable around all of my family. I wish someone had paid a bit more attention at the time.

He doesn't live very close so aren't close in an 'in and out of each others lives on a daily basis' way, but that is also the same with my sister. Nothing to do with their sex, and everything to do with the way our lives have panned out. We do 'speak' (Whatsapp) regularly and try and meet up about 3 or 4 times a year. When the dc were still children, we used to holiday together - whereas we never holidayed with my sister.

My adult ds and dd are very, very close, as is my dd with my (now) DiL.

I don't think it is a 'brother being different from a sister' thing, but an individual thing depending on both circumstances and personalities.

No. Saw him ten years ago at our mums funeral and once or twice since at other funerals. Last time three years ago. No contact in between. His behaviour growing up isn’t to be rewarded with a sibling relationship.

No because he lives in New Zealand but he’s a good bloke

Yes, very close. Where we both live is in part determined by proximity to each other (10 min drive/30 min walk) and we are in contact by messages most days on family group, our kids love each other and we see each other a couple of times a month. I consider him one of the most important people in my life

No contact for two years. He’s always been hard work though and leaned on me/mum heavily whenever his life got tough, without doing the same for us.

Final break came when he told Mum and I that our Dad had (by my brother’s own account, and not to the knowledge of anyone else at all) ‘verbally changed his will’ to skip my mum entirely. Needless to say we ignored this, went with the proper, legal will and my brother has responded with a combination of silent treatment + the occasional vile email.

he’s a cunt, in summary.

I am. He’s 7 years younger than me and we love on different continents but we love each other dearly and get on well. My now adult kids adore him. We are very different people and lead very different lives but message each other regularly, genuinely like each other and would be on a plane instantly if one of us needed the other.

That’s not to say I’ve never argued with my brother and same with my kids. Sibling relationships are always going to have their moments but we’ve always instilled in our kids that they need to respect and listen to each other and have strong bonds.

I have one of each 3 years apart (DS is 21 and DD is 18) and my two get on very well and socialized together too. I hope they are always friends.

Nope! Don’t speak to him; we haven’t fallen out or anything I just don’t bother with him nor him with me.

Yes very close - we live far apart but see each other several times a year and get along well

How do you all manage family events. I’ve missed funerals weddings, birthdays ( mostly not invited.)

I have three sisters and one brother, I am far closer to my brother than my sisters even though two of my sisters are closer to me in age.

My brother moved away thirty years ago. We were brought up in NI and he moved to Scotland. We go for very long periods with no communication, then we’ll have a big old chat. We get along well and have many similarities, but I wouldn’t say we were close. I think if he still lived close to home, we probably wouldn’t see much more of each other than we do now! It’s fine though. No conflict. Good respectful relationship towards each other. I have my life and he has his.

Wow that’s absolutely vile. So essentially attempted to steal your mother’s inheritance right as she’d lost her husband? Yeah he’s scum

Nope, he doesn’t bother with anyone if we want to get in touch have to go through his girlfriend. I gave up years ago.

He’s my best friend and he’s a very present and kind uncle.

No, I'm not. We did not get on as children at all either. We have very different political views now. It doesn't help that he's rubbished my job for the past thirty five years. He's brilliant with our aging parents though and I hope we'll be able to work together to support them over the coming years. Sorry that's not an answer you'd like OP.

I am oldest of 3, have a brother and sister but as adults definitely closer to my brother, we get on great and he makes a lot of effort with my DD and DS, he’s about to become a dad this year himself. I’m so excited to become an auntie and his partner is lovely too, we all get on great and holiday together, see each other weekly if not a couple times a week.