Is this level of sex education video normal in Year 5?

[thelongwayhome]

Child is in year 5 (9/10 year olds). They’re having sex ed this month and I am ordinarily totally fine with that, not a prude either, but the school has sent us a video they’re showing to the kids. It includes a drawing of a man and a woman having sex, with a voice over talking about the man’s p—nis “getting hard” and how he inserts it into the woman. To be clear, this isn’t a clinical, biological diagram, it’s a man lying on top of a woman, then followed by a (somewhat confusing and mildly inaccurate) drawing of an inserted p—nis. (Hope this post doesn’t get flagged!!)

I am actually quite alarmed by this, showed it to my mother (teaches KS2 at another school) and her PSHE lead and they were also surprised this is being shown in a primary school (a CofE school at that).

Was anyone else’s child shown this kind of their at their age? I know my child will be quite distressed by it. Feel free to tell me I’m being dramatic!

In the 70s I learnt about intercourse around age 8/9 via ‘educational TV’

You say you are not a pride, yet you are reluctant to type the word penis?

Sorry, early morning typing, 🙄 l meant to say “not a prude”.

@StarlightLady That was exactly my initial response, though this may have been due to a misplaced belief the post would be censored if the word 'penis' was written in its full, unredacted glory.

@thelongwayhome You say the video is confusing and unclear, and will misalign with her current understanding of some things. Is the video factually wrong / is her current understanding factually wrong / something else? If the video is factually wrong (you say the female reproductive system drawing is inaccurate), clearly that's something to take up with the school. If her current understanding is factually wrong, that's something you can work on with your daughter at home. If you're uncomfortable with the missionary position being used as a sole example of how a penis (part of a man) can be inside a vagina (part of a woman), you could show her or talk her through other examples of how two partners can get into other positions to achieve the same thing.

Are you uncomfortable with her knowing that two people have to get very close to each other in some way for a bit of one of them to be inside the other one? Or is it the poor quality of the depiction of the missionary position you're uncomfortable with? Something else?

DD had this kind of video - 10 years ago. Sigh, you would think the stuff had improved.

She came home fairly confused and said most of them giggled their way through. Our school sent the video to the parents beforehand and DH and I really thought it was useless.

We had a talk together and I cleared up some of the confusion. But her teachers were actually quite good otherwise and also added to the content.

As one of her friends started her period age 10, it was really necessary to do this in Y5.

Can I just say that same sex relationships are actually covered from year 1 in most schools now. The fact that families are all different, some people have 2 mummies, 2 daddies, or may be single parents or live with grandparents or whatever. Sex between same sex couples is not covered in primary school, because sex in primary school is taught as ‘this is how babies are conceived’ and with respect, same sex relationships aren’t relevant in that. It does sometimes come up in questions from kids who know someone with 2 mummies and are adamant there was no daddy involved (or vice versa), obviously a misconception which needs correcting.

I see no issue with the word hard or stiff. They will also use erection but lots of 9/10 year olds won’t know what erect means so it’s important to also use a word they understand.

the video I used to show classes also mentioned the vagina becoming ‘wet and slippery’ or similar, not sure if that’s better or worse than not mentioning female arousal at all!!

it is very normal for some sort of cartoon version of a couple having sex as part of the explanation of conception to be shown in y5, both schools where I taught sex ed to this age did so. There is also usually then a video of a cartoon foetus developing and being born (one school I worked in showed a full actual video of a baby’s head crowning too…all 3 of us 6 teachers had not had kids and were as horrified as the kids 😂)

Contraception is not taught in primary school because sex is taught as how a baby is made, so adding in the layer of ‘how to not have a baby’ to a process to make a baby is confusing to 9/10/11 year olds.

@thelongwayhome I wouldn't want to consent to this. Is the school requesting written consent? Or are they saying 'this is what's happening so if a parent doesn't like it, they have to let the school know' (a sly way to suggest consent was given but it's used a lot nowadays). Personally I believe sex education should start in year 7 and I am not prudish either. Perhaps it's seen as required at KS2 level because some girls start menstruation under 11, fair enough if that means a discussion but a video like what you describe, no. If this was my child I would tell the school I am not happy to consent to it in yr5 and would ask for alternative learning material. There are families were kids allowed to watch films with this kind of material (I wouldn't) but even so, it's usually only for a few secs and it's not usually the focus of the film unless adult rated. I feel parents who are not happy with this kind of educational resource being used should speak out. There are parents who may disagree but it's like schools are doing the job a parent should be doing.

This post is 100%. Last sentence. OP, when the HM infers that you are being Mary Whitehouse, explain this. The one sided, 'Man does something to woman' thing.

As for consent for children seeing the video, surely it is important for the whole class to be on a level playing field, rather than knowledge being unbalanced.

As for those saying things along the lines of not being a prude, this is often on similar lines to those who say “l am not a racist but …”

The downside of leaving this until y7 is that unless it’s left to the end of the year, it’s being taught in a less comfortable environment.

Given other children will have internet enabled phones on the school bus at the start of y7, the end of y7 is too late (and my ds didn’t have a smart phone until y9!)

y5 and y6 all the kids know each other well and it’s a comfortable and safe environment for tricky conversations.

@Justabitofhope with sex ed lessons schools needs to tell parents what is being taught (which OP’s school has) and they will advise parents that they have the option to withdraw their child from certain parts of the lesson (the non science curriculum element)

This is set out in the Government guidance I posted previously

It is your role as a parent to look at what the school has provided and not blame the school if you fail to withdraw your consent

Schools should consult with parents when reviewing their RHSE Policy. Again parents have to be pro active and not complain if they ignored the consultation

I think I’ve struck a nerve with the parents that let their children have unfettered access to the internet and are feeling perhaps a bit chagrined about the things their children have been exposed to.

You’ve jumped the shark there Op! You’re suggesting, because I disagree with you, that my 10yr old has ‘unfettered access’ to the internet. And I’m ‘chagrined’ now I’m realising - solely through your post moaning about the national curriculum and penis in vagina sex - that she’s been exposed to a world of obscenity through my foolishness.

Or, alternatively, I just think you’re being ridiculous. And that there is nothing wrong with yr 5s understanding how human’s reproduce. And that by her understanding what PIV sex is, doesn’t mean she thinks she’s having sex with you when she lies on you for a hug 😬

of course, if the female anatomy is genuinely labelled incorrectly then you need to address that. But, from some of your posts, I wonder if that’s perhaps your misunderstanding?

Sadly my son, now aged 20, had no sex education whatsoever at his Catholic primary school. I would think that this level of detail is appropriate but I do think that an email to parents should have been sent beforehand. Many years ago I taught basic sex education to Year 7 which was just about to this level however proper terminology was used . Unfortunately some parents chose to withdraw their children from these lessons.

The school legally has to send an email to allow people to withdraw. Op ignored it or didn’t read it and now wants a whinge

And also just because a partners body is arouswd and preparing for sex, does not mean that sex is wanted or consent is obtained

It's when he starts asking you if he can be a pansexual trannybopper in a polycule you should start to worry at that age.

I had this in year 6 back in the early 90’s so can hardly be surprising to anyone things have progressed. Today kids progressively build up sex and relationship learnings each year of primary so year 5 or 6 was fine with me when my kids when through it recently.

That’s year 7.

The way you have worded this makes me feel really sad. You’re absolutely right

Penis is the word
Perhaps learning young and knowing all about sex the way it is performed is real life including for those who are naive or aware.
I have no problem with it.
Prude attirudes and unablento use a penis word as a adult is perhaps more of a concern.
If your nother is a teacher why is she so backwards about it too and how you approach such topics.
Its 2026.not 1956

Poor kid

Hang on a hot moment. This is all covered - in senior school. Are you suggesting school’s cover this at age 9-10 when there are already women like the Op having fainting fits because they told her child the penis goes in the vagina for reproductive purposes?

This just isn’t true. They’re learning about how humans reproduce NOT about sex generally. But surely, you have these convos with your yr 6 kids anyway? My daughter knows for sure that sex is a two way street, she knows all about consent and she knows that women are meant to fully enjoy sex. Because I’ve told her and not relied on a bloody school to be a parent.

Is it only CIS stuff they teach or are they teaching the whole story?

I’m pretty sure I was shown something very similar in year 5, and I went to a catholic all girls school. I found it fascinating. It also meant I was armed with more knowledge than I would otherwise have had when my neighbour’s son tried to assault me a little while later. Sorry for the potential trigger there, but better for your kid to know the reality of how this works, so they can understand what’s normal, right and what they should and can say no to.