Is this level of sex education video normal in Year 5?

[thelongwayhome]

Child is in year 5 (9/10 year olds). They’re having sex ed this month and I am ordinarily totally fine with that, not a prude either, but the school has sent us a video they’re showing to the kids. It includes a drawing of a man and a woman having sex, with a voice over talking about the man’s p—nis “getting hard” and how he inserts it into the woman. To be clear, this isn’t a clinical, biological diagram, it’s a man lying on top of a woman, then followed by a (somewhat confusing and mildly inaccurate) drawing of an inserted p—nis. (Hope this post doesn’t get flagged!!)

I am actually quite alarmed by this, showed it to my mother (teaches KS2 at another school) and her PSHE lead and they were also surprised this is being shown in a primary school (a CofE school at that).

Was anyone else’s child shown this kind of their at their age? I know my child will be quite distressed by it. Feel free to tell me I’m being dramatic!

Is learning that sex is an erect penis in vagina debauchery though? But I agree with others here that same sex relationships should also be included, it’s still like they don’t exist!

I think it’s more about the mechanics, I bet there'd be uproar if they talked about pleasure! And maybe just baby making otherwise they should mention same sex too.

At that age, absolutely.

There hardly going to be handing out karma sutra books to the kids at this age. They are teaching the basics. “Little girls” are not going to view it the way you have suggested. People on MN get so obsessed about the men/women divide it’s crazy

Just to clarify I am all for sex ed, especially in school because a lot of parents do not do the work at home, I am also very much an advocate for always knowing the correct names of genitals and the important work around consent, I just also don’t allow my child to have access to the internet and a smart phone because I know she’s not emotionally and mentally ready for that responsibility, just as my gut feeling as someone said, is that she’s not at the right level to see the image they want to show her.

These comments have all been really interesting though and I am thinking about it and all the different ways of looking at it, I do feel a bit better prepared to speak with the head and will come to a decision having spoken with her next week.

I have to admit I was the same. My kids go to lovely rural primary school and I suppose were quite unworldly about sex. It sort of felt like an intrusion on their innocence. Then DS went up to S1 and one of the other boys was playing explicit pornography on his phone on the school bus and I was quite glad that wasn’t his introduction to sex.

I do think it’s probably for the best to have decent sex education at a young age but I sort of wish it wasn’t necessary.

The issue you also have, even if your child isn't watching porn, then there will be things talked about on the playground.

Also I remember when DS was in Y4 a parent had had a baby and the sibling talked about it in class. Other pupils started chatting and it was obvious that some had no idea what they were talking about and messages were very muddled. The teacher had to make a quick decision to shut the conversation down, but also correct some misconceptions. We had a letter from her that evening to tell us what she had said to the pupils.

Y5/Y6 talk is mainly about how babies are made, puberty, periods etc.

More in depth chats about relationships, sex for pleasure and with whom is more Secondary

What?!

??

Tbf, if sex education videos showed what sex is really like then they wouldn't be suitable to be shown to primary school children 😂

I wish they would keep sex off the NC until Year 7. Give some time for parents to talk about it with their child first, rather than hear it from school. Rather than feeling pressured to do so fairly early before the school does - quite early. It should come from parents, unfortunately not all do so I think it has a place on the NC. It’s becoming younger and younger.

I’d withdraw, but have your own discussions so she doesn’t pick up incorrect things from the playground chat after.

@Snacktastic problem is as you say many parents don't talk to their DC about it. It's just another thing to add to the list that schools are having to pick up due to shoddy parenting.

What is so wrong is that other boy had that phone anywhere near, and that that pornography was on it. His phone should be removed and a safeguarding issue raised with him.

In some areas I can see why this is necessary, areas where very young pregnancies are common, areas where there is a large high risk youth population, schools with high phone usage etc. but this school, these kids, in this area, it seems a bit odd.

what? You think your area too posh for kids to be talking about sex, having sex, getting pregnant? Give over.

Yr 5/6 is the mechanics of reproduction, which they have seen. Yr 7 onwards they get more into consent and all the other bits.

Don’t be ‘that parent’ op. And you are a prude, and also a little weird, if you’re concerned that your child will not want to hug you because she knows what sex is. Do you think of sex every time she lies on you? Just weird.

Yes-posh kids don’t need to learn about sex, do they? 🤣🤣

Yes but that’s where girls are short changed. Because female sexuality and sexual pleasure is more complicated and more difficult to ‘package’ for children, it’s completely ignored. Boys are easy - penis, erection, sperm. So we just centre male sex and girls grow up without that valuable information for a fulfilling life.

I have tried to talk to my girls and nieces about this but it’s a really awkward thing for them to talk about with a female relative.

Maybe this is the start of a really interesting national debate? It’s obvious that schools are still playing it safe and patriarchal .

@Screamingabdabz this video is about how babies are made, so you need those things! Relationships are discussed at an older age

We do similar with year 6. Year 5 in our school is periods and puberty. I believe that the new PSHE curriculum shifts everything down a bit though so I wouldn’t be surprised if it has shifted.

What do the school’s policies on this say? At my dc’s schools, the curriculum is varied depending whether they need to cover topic for safeguarding reasons. My dd’s older friend was in yr6 and they had a lesson on FGM, which wasn’t covered when my daughter was in that year. I assume that there were children in that class at risk of FGM.

From the OP's description of the video it doesn't seem like it was centering on male sexual pleasure to the exclusion of female sexual pleasure. It was describing the mechanics and not talking about the sexual response at all. Conception generally happens from PIV sex. That's what was depicted.

I think you need to learn how to read. She knows what sex is, knows how pregnancy happens. As I have repeatedly stated, it’s the video, the verbiage, and the image in that video I have an issue with. I think I’ve struck a nerve with the parents that let their children have unfettered access to the internet and are feeling perhaps a bit chagrined about the things their children have been exposed to. I know my child, and she wouldn’t be comfortable seeing that image.

I wouldn’t call it a posh area at all, just more rural, but schools have to justify why they are exceeding the guidelines based on the demographic and they’ve been unable to explain that to me. The other local schools don’t introduce depictions of intercourse until year 6 if at all.

I’m not a prude but I do believe in protecting the innocence of my child.

School policy is vague on that part, I did read it and was fine with the description which was: what sexual intercourse is for the purposes of reproduction, consent, other reproductive choices (excluding contraception).

Was a bit shocked/disappointed to learn that the lesson is basically showing them that video. I am going to speak with the head on Monday and find out what else is done around it, from what I understand they’ll pause the video and pop her back in the class after the first half. I’d just prefer a more clinical approach to it for her at least for another year.

I think our school uses the same videos as yours. Circa 1995. We were sent 4 x 5-10 minutes links to preview this week. The first one was pretty ok, just a lot about growing bodies and changes set in a swimming pool! The Boy Talk one is probably the most emotionally grounded one. The Girl Talk one starts with her showing a picture of when she was 10 bad then hoisting her boobs and saying "I look a bit different now!". But the final one about 'how babies grow" starts with a disconcertingly graphic cartoon of missionary position PIV sex.

I vaguely remember that awful book Mummy Laid an Egg , good Lord, I kept that well away from ds or he'd have grown up thinking you had to have sex doing handstands on a skateboard 🙄

The sad reality is that by Yr6 a lot are exposed to porn on line