Is this level of sex education video normal in Year 5?

[thelongwayhome]

Child is in year 5 (9/10 year olds). They’re having sex ed this month and I am ordinarily totally fine with that, not a prude either, but the school has sent us a video they’re showing to the kids. It includes a drawing of a man and a woman having sex, with a voice over talking about the man’s p—nis “getting hard” and how he inserts it into the woman. To be clear, this isn’t a clinical, biological diagram, it’s a man lying on top of a woman, then followed by a (somewhat confusing and mildly inaccurate) drawing of an inserted p—nis. (Hope this post doesn’t get flagged!!)

I am actually quite alarmed by this, showed it to my mother (teaches KS2 at another school) and her PSHE lead and they were also surprised this is being shown in a primary school (a CofE school at that).

Was anyone else’s child shown this kind of their at their age? I know my child will be quite distressed by it. Feel free to tell me I’m being dramatic!

Tried to censor a word and it’s bolded the post- hope you can all tell what I meant 😂

My eldest is 10 and I would feel the same. He’s in a catholic school so much more conservative with this sort of thing.

We don’t teach intercourse until year 6…I’m surprised they’re showing that at year 5.

Yes, I think it is. I remember dd doing sex ed at this time in Y5 and her coming home fairly horrified at what she’d learnt (that the poor head teacher, who was a really lovely soft spoken but quite awkward man, had to teach them 😂).

Year 5 is usually puberty and year 6 sex.

And what a shame that is their first formal schooling on what sex is supposed to be - it represents a very simplistic male orientated experience. Little girls thinking that sex just means them lying there being a receptacle for a ‘hard’ penis. God I would hate my kids to receive this as their sex ed.

As a child this is exactly what really
confused me. I asked my mum ‘how long does it take ??? I’ll get bored !’ Then said I’d have to make sure I had books, a notepad and a colouring book next to my bed when I was a grown up as I’d be so bored and need activities to do 😂 I thought you had to set an alarm and I was really stressed about how long it took and how to identify when it was over ! Nobody explained it properly. Plus the usbourne book had some weird sex robot illustration and then I was even more confused thinking these square machines were somehow involved !!!!

Do you know who has written / provided / created the video and lesson plan?

My son has his first sex Ed session in Year 4 (so aged 9) and I expected it time very theory based but when he came home from school he said that they’d been given hand outs of couples in various positions having sex. I was quite surprised to be honest.

Nothing will get flagged on here in terms of words like penis, vagina etc only if you are calling people names. You can also say fuck and a lot worse

From what I remember mine watched a video that pointed out body parts on both boys and girls, hair growth and talked about hygiene. I had sons, they get erections as babies so from toddlers they knew to stop playing with it and it would soften again. Mine also had Mummy Laid An Egg from being 3 years old so sex was something they just know like what their toes are or that the sky is blue. It isn't a big conversation just an ongoing conversation over years that you add to or clarify.

What you have to consider is that parents often don't use the correct terms for body parts, the number of times people say vagina when they actually mean vulva is ridiculous. This also helps children name parts that may have been touched if they are sexually abused. My friend's Mum was a foster carer for sexually and physically abused children so we were taught a lot at 9/10 from her with my Mum's consent.

As you know what is coming up you can talk to your child in advance. Maybe let them watch the video ahead of time so this isn't all new stuff when they see it in school.

Why wouldn’t you want children to know this? What were you expecting?

I would prefer terms like erection over getting hard (although getting hard is a good explanation) but I think that the penis in vagina explanation is correct for year 5. My kids learned about male ejaculation and masturbation too.

Don’t forget that a shocking number of primary school children your child’s age have seen pornography and access it knowingly. They may be from families where the parents don’t discuss sex with them so need school explaining what it is before they have sex and find themselves becoming a parent.

The diagrams sound the most worrying bit.

There's a whole sex topic on this site, you really don't need to censor the word penis

I don’t, however the diagrams of the female anatomy they have provided are inaccurate, I have lots of thoughts about the material produced. The video is several clips edited together. It bungles through “when a man and a woman are in a loving relationship” and consent, the age of consent, and other reproductive options in the span of 3 minutes.

I wasn’t sure, didn’t want the thread coming down, I’ve a foul mouth usually so not clutching any pearls here but good to know for the future!

I work in care law, seen it all, she’s known the proper words for everything since she could talk and they’ve had that lesson already and I have no issue with it, I’m just not keen at all on the (albeit cartoonists) image of people having sex. She knows how babies are made in theory but not so sure on giving these kids a depiction of it in that way.

Actually this is another angle I hadn’t considered. The head wants to talk to me on Monday, and if the general consensus was “calm down Mary Whitehouse” I’d get back in my box, but there’s so many layers to this video I’m not thrilled by. It’s a lot more than just “I don’t want her knowing about it”, she knows, this is just so ham fisted.

I think it's more than appropriate at that age.

The curriculum should be on their website. I thought this was more Y6 than Y5, although Government guidance does say Y5 or Y6. There are elements you can request to take your child out of

It’s the video itself/images I have the issue with yes, I have to correct myself though the word they used is “stiff” not hard but same difference. ‘Penis in vagina’ explanation she is already aware of, proper names for everything totally fine been there done that, periods & puberty etc. all fine, the diagram of what basically depicts (uncomfortable and unsatisfying, at that angle) missionary is where I draw the line. I am fine with the more clinical diagram they have provided for essentially the point of conception, however the drawing of the female reproductive system isn’t accurate which is irritating, if you’re going to teach it, teach it properly.

She still lies on top of us for cuddles or when we’re watching a film at home, and I don’t want her to start feeling all weird about it.

I was fine with what the curriculum says, then they sent through the video, and a few of us wanted to pull the kids for that part of the video. Everything else bar the man-atop-woman drawing she already knows, but the video isn’t great at explaining what it needs to explain generally. I thought it was more y6 than y5, I know it’s just a year but that’s a big year imo.

Keep in mind that around 50% of kinds have viewed pornography by the time they're 13 so I would want my child to have all the info they can get so they have a clear understanding of what realistic sex is. A school video is the least of your worries imo.

You can write all those words on MN without censoring them.

That sounds exactly like the sex ed video I watched aged 10 in Y6 nearly 30 years ago, and at the end of the video there was a bauble on the Christmas tree reading "Baby's first Christmas 1989" - this amused as as it was the year some of us had been born, so I think this kind of thing has been standard for a very long time.

I don't think your child is likely to feel awkward about lying on you when everyone is fully clothed for a cuddle - this is completely non sexual. I doubt she will even link the two things in her mind.

Valid point, I would argue that it’s not a realistic depiction of sex in this case. Not as bad as pornography of course, but also not reflective of the reality. The video also deals with the issues in a really confusing and unclear way, which will misalign with her current understanding of some things, and she just isn’t ready to see that kind of image yet. And when she does, I think I’d prefer a better image than the one provided.

People’s thoughts and feelings aside as it is objective and informed by own experience, I’m really just interested in knowing if this video/these images are being shown to other year 5s.

In some areas I can see why this is necessary, areas where very young pregnancies are common, areas where there is a large high risk youth population, schools with high phone usage etc. but this school, these kids, in this area, it seems a bit odd.