Is this level of sex education video normal in Year 5?

[thelongwayhome]

Child is in year 5 (9/10 year olds). They’re having sex ed this month and I am ordinarily totally fine with that, not a prude either, but the school has sent us a video they’re showing to the kids. It includes a drawing of a man and a woman having sex, with a voice over talking about the man’s p—nis “getting hard” and how he inserts it into the woman. To be clear, this isn’t a clinical, biological diagram, it’s a man lying on top of a woman, then followed by a (somewhat confusing and mildly inaccurate) drawing of an inserted p—nis. (Hope this post doesn’t get flagged!!)

I am actually quite alarmed by this, showed it to my mother (teaches KS2 at another school) and her PSHE lead and they were also surprised this is being shown in a primary school (a CofE school at that).

Was anyone else’s child shown this kind of their at their age? I know my child will be quite distressed by it. Feel free to tell me I’m being dramatic!

Signs of a women’s arousal is never talked about (and less obvious to illustrate I imagine) but this should be given as equal weight to a boy getting a stiffy.

Children should be taught off the bat that unless both partners are ready and aroused they should not be doing it. I’ve always given that message to my dds. If it’s not fun, don’t do it.

This simple oversight could transform a whole generation’s experience I reckon. But meh, who cares about girls and women as long as males can insert a hard penis into something.

This is really well worded and something to consider. Thoughts on this additional (and important) info being delivered by a teacher as opposed to a parent or family member? Which do you think would be a better experience for children learning about it?

I just hope they have updated the video these days. DDs only had one in Y6 but it was at least 20 years old then and there was no mention that you might fancy someone of the same sex.

Possibly, but I know her quite well, &we do have a very open relationship but she’s prone to embarrassment/discomfort. I’m not sure she’d ask any questions and I feel like bringing it up to tell her it’s okay will put the thought in there if it isn’t already? It’s a hard thing to navigate. In relation to your other comment, I’d be interested to know the general locations of schools that showed these images, in my rural south primary we didn’t have anything like it, it was done in year 7 instead, and I thought it was a pretty positive experience for me at that age.

They’re not allowed to teach about same sex or contraception at this age as far as I know, someone might correct me thought. We’ve had that convo though as several of my friends are in same sex relationships with kids!

The video looks quite modern but it looks like its several clips smushed together so different art styles.

And people on here, on another thread, clutching pearls about why someone might want to home school their kids.

Do you homeschool?

No, but if I had to do it all over again and my DCs were exposed to this kind of debauchery, I would do so.

I know, I had talked to them about same sex relationships already by then (they had been to two gay weddings anyway so we had definitely had that conversation about boys marrying boys and girls marrying girls) but I worry about kids who don't have that openness at home, and already have or have had crushes on a same sex person, watch a video about heterosexual relationships only and then think there is something wrong with them.

I mean when DD said to some of her little friends that she was going to a wedding and it was two women getting married to one another they were telling her that was impossible so there was definitely some confusion at primary school.

Same. I’ve taught my DD that the woman takes the penis into her vagina

Its such a confusing age for them, hard to know how to navigate it and figure out the best course of action from home alongside their schooling!

Market town in the midlands. But it was a video marketed to schools, so I imagine it was shown all over the place. I expect whether your school did sex ed in Y5/6/7 was just down to individual school policy and possibly whether or not Y7 was part of middle school or secondary, as some areas have a three tier system or did in the past.

I have a very very vague memory of being in Y5 (because of which friends I had during that year) and knowing that lying on top of somebody meant that you were having sex, because it caused absolute peak playground hysteria if any opposite-sex friends ever did occupy this position without realising, or for example figures from a doll's house/play farm, drawing in a book, cartoon etc. However, it never seemed to occur to anybody that two boys wrestling, on the ground, face to face (as they occasionally would at that age) could be any suggestion of "sex" and I don't think anyone would have extended this to a parent and child either. It just didn't occur to us to see it in that way even if we found it wildly hilarious when it happened in other contexts.

I was vv sheltered and had no idea about anything about sex until we did sex ed. But the idea that lying on top of each other = sex seemed to be really clear from an earlier age, and I don't think it's shocking for it to be in a video. It's educational.

If you’re referring to my post I think you ask the school that. How are they going to convey to the children that sex is a two way thing and not just a boy gets hard and sticks it in a girl. Where is the experience, joy and pleasure for the girl featured? What are little girls going to think ‘sex’ is from that video? (Good example from pp upthread - they feel detached and like it’s for the boy’s benefit).

Maybe it’s about ‘where babies come from’ in which case they may well not be talking about the relationship element of it, but it should be! And if it’s a CofE school Christians believe that sex is a gift from God and should be in the context of a loving relationship. Again, not just penis-pleasure-focussed.

Think the video is more about how babies are made. More in depth conversations about relationships etc is at later stage in Secondary school curriculum.

Quite normal now and also when I was at school in the 80’s too. I even remember what the book we were shown looked like! I was definitely 9 (year 5) because I remember the teacher.

This is Government guidance on what should be covered. Primary curriculum is focussed on conception

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/6970e7e67e827090d02d42e0/Relationships_education_relationships_and_sex_education__RSE__and_health_education__for_intro_1_September_2026_.pdf

Well my school (late 90s for secondary school) didn’t really do sex education. We learnt about periods in primary school, and all we did in secondary school was put condoms on those non penis looking plastic tubes. Didn’t learn any of the 'mechanics’ of it, and I don’t think people need to. Teach about safe sex etc, but people can work out how to do it later on. And especially schools teaching about positions, that is something a couple can work out for themselves! My Niece was taught about anal in her school 😮

Many schools have had to tell parents that the video games eg GTA they are letting their kids play / see have rape scenes etc as they found children as young as 5 acting scenes out in the playground. Grooming gangs also been known target year 6/7 as this is age they start walking to school independently but haven’t yet become streetwise. It’s also the age parents give them a smartphone which allows them to be targeted by strangers.

I was referring to your post yes, thank you! I don’t think they’ll teach any of that unfortunately, possibly done in secondary school at some point though. I don’t want the message to get lost for her. Maybe I need to think about how I can approach it myself

We had sex ed in year 6 and it was traumatising. A video of a family, stark naked, walking around a house together. Close up of the mans penis, the woman's vagina, the lot. The kids were also naked. Idk how the fuck that was even legal, and probably wasn't. I felt so embarrassed and almost molested by what I had seen. Thank god they didn't show them having sex. They may as well just have played porn.

Idk why they can't just show diagrams?? Why does it need to be a cartoon sketch. Bizarre.

Someone’s child I know only became aware she had been sexually abused through sex ed at school so I totally agree with you. I’d assumed this parent had done some sex ed at home but it obviously wasn’t as thorough as the school one. It was reported to the police and he went through counselling because of it.

Okay, wow, could definitely be worse then!

That's outrageous.

I am going to turn into Mary Whitehouse.

Do primary school kids need to see video of sex?
I don't think so.
First year secondary school perhaps at a push but even so. video. Pftt. No.

Don't dress it up as "not porn".

Yes, I’m sure there was a pic of a couple having sex in my Osbourne book, 40 years ago and I definitely had that before I was 9. Or was it Usbourne then?!

It's been a very long time since I had sex education at school but I do remember having to watch a video of a woman giving birth, when I was in Year 6. Baring in mind, this would have been 1984/85. I clearly remember the woman in the video screaming and yelling, whilst giving birth. The entire video traumatised me (I don't use that word lightly either). When I became pregnant with my son, I was absolutely terrified about giving birth, and it was down to this video I saw aged 10/11. I ended up bawling my eyes out, whilst having a midwife appointment!!

My point is, if you think your daughter would be genuinely upset, and feel she's still a little young, then follow your gut feeling. I never told my Mum what happened at school, I guess I internalised it.