Cliquey family on holiday

[PercyPigFan73]

We have just got home from our staycation with my in-laws,sister in law, partner,our son, niece and her partner and toddler. The in-laws,niece etc all live in one house. We live a fair few hours away so only see them twice a year,so this holiday was a big thing. Our last holiday together was around 2002.

All throughout the holiday we felt like outsiders. They always had to sit together, leaving us pearched on the far sides at dinner,in the pub etc and basically excluded us. It was so odd. When it was their child's nap time,they all disappeared to the B&B. Thought it would have been nice for partner to spend some time with his father.

We did arrive one night a bit earlier to the meal and made sure we were sat in the middle and they made the atmosphere very awkward.

My partner was hurt but doesn't like conflict.
They all live together so you'd think they would be bored of eachother and want to spend time with us all.

Would you be hurt too? Am I making a big deal out of nothing?

Weirdos

Last time id go.on holiday as the extended family!!

That's not a family
That's a herd..the all going back to B&B when it was a child's nap time as pp said
Weirdos.

Sympathy from me. My widowed mother is totally absorbed by my sister and her family. Me and mine are left out in the cold. It's upsetting. 😢

NEVER GO ON HOLIDAY WITH EXTENDED FAMILY

And this is why I don't go on holiday with other people. The exception being when I was young, unattached and fancy free and so were they.

Mine are the same. At a recent wedding they went off with the golden child and spent the entire together. Their other children who they haven’t seen in a year, were totally ignored. Baffling!

They sound enmeshed to an unhealthy degree. It sounds hurtful, but I think you're better out of it.

See them when it suits you.

"Would you be hurt too? Am I making a big deal out of nothing?"
I'd be hurt, and no you're not.

How on earth did this joint holiday come about? Who suggested it?

Personally I would never holiday with them again, ever; and if asked why I'd reply truthfully that I was made to feel unwelcome by their behaviour.

Thank you everyone. I was worried you'd all tell me we are being ridiculous. Sorry to hear some of you have experienced the same thing.
They've definitely got worse. We've noticed it the last couple of years when we went out for a meal when visiting and they'd all be bundled at one end of the table. It's very odd. Another niece has mentioned she feels pushed out too. It's definitely not healthy and we feel like we are intruding or something 😔

We've already decided not to anymore holidays with them,and will be limiting contact I think. It's so stressful and they never visit us. It's always us making the effort 😞 This holiday has been a real eye opener 😞

Never do it again and tell them why. Weirdos.

Absolute weirdos. You are right to not go away with them again. Shame your DH can’t say anything.

What did they say when you pointed this out to them?

If they live together normally then they prob see themselves as one family unit and family units often only do things together (very common on MN!).
id not take it personally it says more about them than you.

Why on earttttttth did you/DH not confront MIL & FIL?!?!?!

Since when are your parents “extended family?!”

I love these type of posts.

I see parents as extended family once the child moves out and has a family of their own. For me, extended family means family members you don't live with. Your household is immediate family, everyone else is extended family.
I suppose in this situation, there were 2 family units, OP and her partner and DC were 1 unit, everyone else lives together so were another unit.

He doesn't want to rock the boat I think,or admit there's an issue. He'd rather put his head in the sand or quietly seeth 😞

Nothing. Didn't want to ruin the holiday 😞

Is there one family member who leads the isolation?

SIL still lives with PIL (50, never left home) and is always with them. Plus dictates whether GC can visit them. There are significant MH issues though.

Well you've sorted it now. No more joint hols/dinners/visits (by you to them) etc. Keep up the Birthday cards, Christmas cards, the odd whatsapp with YOUR news and leave it at that.

If they want more interraction, they can initiate it, but you decide whether it suits you or not. DH can visit them himself if he wants, but I'd say he's happy enough to keep the lot of that mad family at arms length.

They won't care either way, remember that, as long as they have each other, ah bless. 😊

As soon as you escape and find a normal person to marry!

I think they are all equally as bad as eachother. It's very cult like. Not healthy at all 😞